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"to work in a church" - community service essay


leexuzheng 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2010   #1
On September 21th 2008, I immigrated to the United States. After three days, I started my education in John Dewey High school. For the first two months, I could not intergrate the new circumstance because of the language obstacles and cultural differences .So I knew I have to improve my communication skills and obtain social experiences beside school materials.

I have a wide range of interests in community services; i had a volunteer job in a Brooklyn Library during the 2010 summer to Sep 2010; mostly 8 hours per week. There I learned how to be responsible and improved communication.

My favorite community service is to work in a church when I was a junior; i worked 4 hours per week. The church lets teenagers design some shows and posters for Christianity. I was selected to be a group leader to designed a project about programmatic posters. So, I caught the chance to be responsible in the community. First, I separated the task into several small ones of which each of our group members took charge. Keeping individuals to make us more efficient and responsible; On other hand,I set up a general plan and everyday plan to control our schedule. Mostly I used photoshop to design posters after my group members gave me ideas. Sometimes I faced choices on which idea is better, so I had to analyze then demonstrate to them to trust my decision. I am so glad to have a chance to be educated on my innovation and leadership on this job. The most important thing is related my major, because an outstanding engineer needs strong graphic skills and inventiveness.

These extracurricular activities and community services really enrich my life and I gained some social experiences and other skills besides school materials. It's also the reason I applied to (Birmingham/Syracuse/GIT), there I can study the advanced technology and take tomorrow's opportunity to be a outstanding engineer.

qwerty456a 2 / 8  
Dec 29, 2010   #2
On September 21th 2008, I immigrated to the United States. After three days, I started my education in John Dewey High school. For the first two months, I could not intergrate the new circumstance because of the language obstacles and cultural differences .So I knew I have to improve my communication skills and obtain social experiences beside school materials.

- at John Dewy HS
- Word Choice, I'd suggest using "adjust to the new environment"
- Awkward Sentence, try rewording it. "So I knew ,that in addition to working on my education, I would have to improve my communication skills and expand my social circle"
bbish520 8 / 30  
Dec 29, 2010   #3
After three days

You can chang it to: Upon the fourth day of arriving

differences .So I knew I

difference so I knew...

i had a volunteer job in a Brooklyn Library during the 2010 summer to Sep 2010

I volunteered at the Brooklyn Library from the start of my 2010 summer until the start of the school year.

My favorite community service is to work in a church when I was a junior; i worked 4 hours per week. The church lets teenagers design some shows and posters for Christianity.

In my junior year, i volunteer at a church where i was able to design some show's posters.

-You should leave out the hours per week because in the extracurricular activity part of the app already states it.

You have to revise the 3rd paragraph because its quite confusing, especially the assigning task part.
OP leexuzheng 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2010   #4
Give me more correction
OP leexuzheng 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2010   #5
Community service; shows and posters for Christianity

One of my best friend who is currently studying in RPI,then he tould me RPI has many aspiring students that offers him a great learning atmosphere to achieve his career.Also,the campus offers the students abundant equipment.So,RPI is a great choice.


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