Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 6

work experience/ extracurricular activity : Princeton/Stanford


sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Sep 4, 2013   #1
Please give your suggestions on the following essay -

Please describe one of your extracurricular activities/ work experience which have been particularly meaningful to you. (150 words)

I have a dream, as every other person my age - to walk amongst the high and mighty and be known among the rich and the poor. One experience that I feel had surely pushed me towards this dream is when I worked this summer at the Indian Ministry of Finance in New Delhi. Having just come back from an International IT Competition, I met our Finance Minister for the felicitation ceremony where he asked me to be part of an eight member team to develop software solutions for the day to day usage of ministry databases. Having access to such important data gave me a sense of responsibility. It was an honor working at such a high place, interacting with one of the most powerful persons in my country. I felt important, a recognized person who have made his name in the society and hope to get more such opportunities in future.

andreaf96 2 / 2  
Sep 7, 2013   #2
Congratulations! I think this was pretty short and to the point, which is good. However, try to elaborate more on why being recognized/powerful is so important to you- what do you want to do with this power? Other than that, your grammar and ideas sound great!
helloimyellow 9 / 25 3  
Sep 7, 2013   #3
I think this essay was overall great! It was very clear exactly what you did and how it impacted you. I would just check up on grammar in the last sentence (have/has?). Could you also take a look at my supp for Stanford?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 13, 2013   #4
It was an honor working at such a high important and prestigious environment place,with great opportunities to interactinteracting with one of the most powerful persons in my country.

I felt important, a recognized person who have made his name in the society and hope to get more such opportunities in future.

I think this does not add much value for your case.
You better be a bit more detailed about what you did there and its significance to the society and to you too.
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Sep 15, 2013   #5
Thanks you for the replies. i will try to make the necessary changes.
roxy481 5 / 11 4  
Sep 30, 2013   #6
i agree, be a bit more descriptive and show how this experience influenced you


Home / Undergraduate / work experience/ extracurricular activity : Princeton/Stanford