this is my response to the uc prompt number 2. i am open to all criticism and opinions plz do not be afraid to edit it. thank you i am looking forward for all the comments and responses.
My most important accomplishment so far has been earning my lifeguard diploma. I was unsure facing the challenges of the class because I wasn't a great swimmer and I wasn't great at holding my breath either, which are essential for the class. My first day at class, I was late and the instructor told me "sir are you in the right class?". I was discouraged at the moment, but I thought to myself "I can not quit", so I responded "yes". One of the requirements for the class was to swim down 13 feet underwater and pick up a block. I was really scared, but I didn't want to quit. My first try I didn't get close, I went again and I still didn't make it deep enough. The block seemed to disappear every time I went underwater. After the fifth time I went down, I felt like just giving up and passing out, but I didn't and I was able to retrieve the block. My instructor told me it was going to be hard for me to pass the class, but if I put the work in, I would pass. Everyday after the first day of my class I would swim 1000 yards and practice holding my breath for a longer time.
The class had it last meeting and it was the "test day". I was very nervous at first because I didn't know what to expect. The instructor tells the class that we will have to use our knowledge and skills that we have learned to respond to certain situations. My turn was up, and my scenario was to rescue a submerged victim. Once I heard those words my heart started beating slower than usual. This was my nightmare, but I was not going to fail because I had spent so much time training for this. I got in the cold chlorinated water and I had a flashback to the first class where I was unable to retrieve the block on my first attempt. But I just closed my eyes and took a huge breath and went underwater. The chlorinated water was burning my eyes every second. While I was underwater, I almost ran out of air but I didn't care, I just wanted to rescue that person. And that is exactly what I did, I brought the victim to shore. I am now a certified lifeguard and I am not afraid of going deep underwater.
This diploma means mere to me then just being a lifeguard. I was able to overcome one of my deepest fears. I learned that if you work hard enough you can accomplish anything you want. This achievement also answered all my questions regarding my commitment and work ethic.
I did not read your entire essay, just skimmed. But if this is your final draft you have some grammar mistakes.
1) do not use contractions...for example instead of wasn't use was not
2)If someone is saying something make sure to add a comma where the sentence is turning into the quote... for example: I was late and the instructor toldasked me, "sir are you in the right class?"
There are a lot of mistakes, the content seems to be decent, but you have to take the time to edit the paper. Try to take it your english teacher.
thank you
hopefully i am able to edit it more.
I don't see too many errors! And you write with good, strong, complex sentences.
Use commas... In order to improve your writing, look at how people use commas in articles and books.
Everyday after the first day of my class, I would swim 1000 yards and practice holding my breath for a longer time.
Read The Elements of Style by Strunk and White.
The class had it last meeting, and it was the "test day". I was very nervous at first because I didn't know what to expect. The instructor told the class that we would have to use our knowledge and skills that we had learned and respond to certain situations.
