Every morning before I went to school, I would watch Saint Jude's Hospital special, and every morning, I would literally cry. There are thousands of needy children in the world, and this situation bothers me because right now there is little that I can do about it. I did, however, tell my parents about these children at St. Jude's Hospital and asked them to contribute what they could. Since then, they make monthly donations to the hospital.
For a long time I thought of myself as being a poor, deprived child, but after becoming aware of all the unfortunate children in the world, I realized that I am really lucky to be who I am and where I am.
This past summer, I had an internship at the USC School of Social Work. I met with some of the professors and they introduced me to the field. I never knew that social work was so interesting and that it had different concentrations. Ms. Margarita Artavia, a clinical associate professor at USC, informed me on how I can pursue a career in which my compassion for children can pay off.
I know that right now, as I am typing this essay, there is a child laying on a hospital bed with tears in their eyes because they know that their life is at risk. I am proud that this event altered my perception of life. I now want to learn how to relate to that child and how to make them forget about their sickness. I want to know how to keep that child optimistic. I want them to feel strong. I feel fortunate for having been able to be an intern at the USC School of Social Work because now I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I have always wanted to work with sick children, but I did not know how. I thought that I would just have to figure out what I wanted to do until my second year of college, but after this summer everything changed. I want to get a B.A. in sociology, a M.S.W. with a concentration in mental health and then become a clinical therapist. My dream job is to work at a hospital helping children. I would do almost anything to put a smile on a child's face.
I think this is a great response that absolutely answers the prompt. You describe the events that are important to you, how you responded to them, and how it relates to the person you are. The only thing missing is how this makes you proud. You could discuss how you and your family helping makes you proud, or that you were able to alter your perception of your life. Other than that, I don't think I'd change anything! Nice work.
Cut back on the story.
Do you know how many essays admission counselors read about tragedies?
You should talk more about how that one moment transformed you. Changed you. What did you learn? Pretty much you reflection.
Cliches are bad.
10% story, 90% reflection.