To Work as a Software Engineer - SFU Dual Degree Prompts - Academic or career goals after university

Thanks for any help and suggestions in advance.

goals (career related) after school

What are your academic or career goals after university and how will the SFU-Zhejiang University Dual Degree Program help you achieve them? (250 words maximum)

My career goal after university is to work as a software engineer for tech companies and contribute to projects that could change lives positively. An additional career goal of mine is to follow this career path in China. This program will allow me to learn the skills I need to be a good software developer as I will be studying in two top universities, one here in BC and the other being in one of the C9 universities of China. I will also be able to apply my skills learned to real-world scenarios as I participate in co-op opportunities at home and abroad. These coop opportunities will also allow me to make connections, which will help me find employment in the future. For my second goal, this program will help me achieve it by allowing me to study in China. This experience abroad will allow me to achieve a degree of fluency in the Mandarin language which will help me with getting around, living and working in China. Immersing myself in Chinese society and culture will also allow me to have a great understanding of the country and people living there. Also, those opportunities will allow me to experience what it's like to work for a Chinese company, giving invaluable experience that will help with adjusting to any future job with Chinese companies. The co-op opportunities in China will help me with this, as the connections with Chinese companies could help me in the future with employment in China.

@ng864
Hi. Thanks for your continuous contributions to the forum. I hope that this feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing!

Firstly, the introductory sentence needs to be hammered down and improved. You can utilize more sophisticated content here by ensuring that you are delivering the message with a lot of flair and confidence. Try to shorten the sentence and talk more about the aspiration with fervor.

Furthermore, what can also improve your writing is if you dedicated enough time to explaining more in detail how this experience abroad will help you in your future endeavors. I find that simply mentioning things with a generalized tone does not specifically tell readers what they should anticipate. Try to be more detailed rather than just saying that it will help you find employment opportunities.