Working at a consulting company - UBC Personal Profile - Activity

Hi, I am not sure if this answers the question properly so any feedback would be much appreciated.

special interest or pursuit

Tell us more about ONE or TWO activities listed above that are most important to you. Please explain the role you played and what you learned in the process. You will be asked for a reference who can speak to your response. (maximum 350 words)

During my summer break, I have had the opportunity to work at Accenture, which is one of the world's largest consulting companies. I was part of the marketing and analytics team and was supervised by two senior and seasoned employees. It was a great learning experience for me and I learnt many things about the office lifestyle and the workload behind it that one does not learn in a classroom.

My first assignment was to research Accenture's recent projects and present it in my own way. I had researched about their recent startup on quantum computing because it is was very interesting to me and closely related to my subjects at school. The task was heavily researched based and I learned a lot about how research is carried out in professional environments. I got constructive feedback that further helped me understand how to research thoroughly. Having to meet many deadlines for tasks allowed me to develop my organisational skills.

The second assignment was to analyze and collect data on Accenture's social media platforms and compare it with their competitors, as well as suggesting improvements. This was one of the most challenging yet exciting assignments because there were so many variables to be considered, such as Facebook and Instagram following, user interactions, and user-company communication. They wanted to make their social media direct more towards a younger demographic to attract younger employees. Being in my late teens, I was able to contribute ideas that were relevant to this task. This improved my analysis skills as well as my creativity, since I had to contribute ideas that were unique and far-fetched.

I also attended the Fintech event which was a 3 day event organized by several banking and tech companies. During my time at Accenture, I had to attend several meetings and conferences. This was a great experience as I became more confident in public speaking and leading some of the meeting which further improved my leadership skills. It was a great experience to work at Accenture and I gained a lot from it.

@agupta
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the site for help! I'll be the contributor to give feedback on your writing.

First and foremost, the first paragraph needs to have more value and weight when it comes to relaying why you need to be writing this essay. This should certainly be a briefing on what the two activities that they're looking for are. If you are able to smoothly and simply relay this, it will enhance the writing because you'll have more interconnected details that'll be a bolder proclamation of your writing.

The last paragraph also doesn't appear to be a concluding remark that ties everything altogether. Rather, you chose to introduce another key event of your writing. Try to be more specific when you're trying to explain - this will go a long way. The last paragraph should be dedicated to (a) summarizing what you just said and (b) giving out final thoughts on what you think should be the essay's grand purpose. Stick with this - and don't add more than what is necessary.

... and present it them in my own way".
... my organizational skills".
... and compare it them with their competitors...
... as my creativity, since I had ...
... which was a 3 day three-day event organized by several banking ...
... some of the meetings which ...