What do you guys think about this?
After graduation I decided to help my parents at work because I wanted to contribute financially to my family. However my working experience not only helped me financially but also provided me with several great lessons.
From working more than 14 hours daily in the International Fair, I learned the true meaning of perseverance: that is to continue doing your best even when your eyelids are heavy, when your legs become dead weight, and when your heart is too tired to pump anymore. From the harsh work I also understood the importance of optimism: a smile or an act of kindness during hard and tiring times can make even the hardest times deem tolerable. From managing a small store outlet, I became aware the importance of collaboration and trust. After all there is no way I can do everything on my own, and I must trust others to help me out. However from trusting too much, I also learned the importance of guidelines and controls, which will decrease the chance of others betraying my trust. Through working and talking with locals, the once distant world of poverty and corruption that only appears in newspapers suddenly appears in front of me. I constantly hear the stories about the difficulties of surviving on the $200 monthly wage, the terror of living near the violent "maras" (gangs), and the complaints against the corrupted Salvadoran Government. Compare to their problems, mine seems trivial. Finally, after seeing the difficulties of operating a business in a bad economy, I came to appreciate all the opportunities my parents gave me: I appreciate that they let me go to a very good school, I appreciate the freedom they gave me while sacrificing their own, I appreciate the money they spend on me, and, most of all, I appreciate that they let me pursue the things I love.
Despite working full time, I always found time for my hobbies. I continued my passion in learning through MIT OpenCourseware, where I learned the Multi-Variable calculus. I also pursued Biology, a subject that I couldn't take in school, and will do a Biology M subject test in January. Besides that I continue going to shooting fields to continue practicing archery. Finally, I also continue working on papercrafting, though time prevented me to work on any extensive projects.
Even though I didn't win a major competition or get a significant achievement during the gap year, I believe what I learned is more important than any achievements. This working experience really opened up my eyes and let me see something beyond just education.
This is a really good essay because you talk about how each one affected you and I really get a good idea about who you are. I don't know how many words you have left but towards the end when you were talking about your hobbies, I felt as though you can expand a bit more instead of just listing them.
Oh and a minor grammatical mistake I found was "where I learned the Multi-Variable calculus" should be "where I learned Multi-Variable calculus"
I also thought that this quote form Oscar Wilde might be of use to you
"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."
Hope I was able to help :)
Thank you so much, I am actually 30 words over the limit, and I love that quote and I am sorry, but I will definitely use it.
Ahh. Awkward sentencing at times, but I think trhough this essay, I can see that you are a good person :)
Maybe you could ask a teacher to help you with the grammar, because I am not very good either.
Happy new year and good luck!
