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"working as a newspaper deliverer" - one of your extracurricular activities


zhiqiu 1 / 3  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
This for the Common App, the word limit is 150, but I'm way over. Can someone please help me condense this short essay? Great Thanks!!!!

I worked as a newspaper deliverer for 5 years. I started in grade 5, when I just arrived to Canada. I chose this job because I want to adapt to the new environment more quickly, to save up some money, to be more independent and to grow up. As a newspaper deliverer, my duties were comprised of inserting the advertisements in to newspapers and deliver the papers to the customers by 6 p.m. Others thought my job was repetitive and boring and didn't understand why I did it for so long. What they didn't found out was how much I have learned in the 5 years. Every delivery day I need to insert flyers into newspapers for 200 times. Since I was constantly flipping through newspapers, I began to read the contents which helped me to stay informed about the current news. The biggest bonus was the improvement of my English skills, which allow me to immerse into the new environment and make new friends in school. Moreover, 200 newspapers took me about 3 to 4 hours to deliver. The process could often be physically exhausting, especially when the weather wasn't nice. Wind would blow the flyers and newspapers all over the place, and the rain would damp the papers into paper mache. All these challenges were great endurance and determination training.

doyin1 8 / 18  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
What they didn't found out > should be what they did find out....
Every delivery day I need to insert flyers into newspapers for 200 times > every delivery day i needed to insert flyers into newspapers 200 times
which allow me to immerse into the new environment > which allowed me to immerse myself into my new environment.

there lots of gramatical errors re-read your essay and correct urself.
i dont think this is an extracurricular activity isnt it like your part time job write on something you do after school thats part of school.

hope this helped goodluck!!!!!
OP zhiqiu 1 / 3  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
Thanks for the critiques:)

I revised the essay, please give me more suggestions

My first part-time job was being a newspaper carrier in grade 5. I applied for this job because I did not want to ask my parents for allowance anymore. The job duties included inserting the advertisements in to newspapers and deliver the papers to the subscribers by 6 p.m. It wasn't fancy and may even sound boring but I have benefited so much from the 5-years experience. Every delivery day I needed to insert flyers into newspapers for 200 times. Since I was constantly flipping through newspapers, I began to read the contents which helped me to stay informed about the current news. Another big bonus was the improvement of my English skills, which allowed me to immerse myself into the new environment and make new friends in school. Furthermore, 200 newspapers took me about 3 to 4 hours to deliver. The exhausting process was the best exercise.
bbish520 8 / 30  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
if you need to cut down more words then you can cut:

Furthermore, 200 newspapers took me about 3 to 4 hours to deliver. The exhausting process was the best exercise.

The mentioning of exercise isn't really that important to colleges

hope i helped!!

check out mine if you have time please!! :D
OP zhiqiu 1 / 3  
Dec 31, 2010   #5
Thanks for all the help !!!!!

This is the third draft
harsh critiques please!!!

Not wanting to ask my parents for allowance anymore, I applied for my first job as a newspaper carrier in grade 5. My job, to insert advertisements into the newspaper and to deliver the papers on time, may sound boring but I have benefited so much from the 5-years experience. Every delivery day I inserted flyers into 200 newspapers. Constantly flipping through and reading newspapers helped me stay informed about the news. Another big bonus was the improvement of my English skills, which allowed me to immerse myself into the new environment and make new friends in school. Furthermore, 200 newspapers took me about 3 to 4 hours to deliver. The process was exhausting and made me want to give up, but I managed to overcome the challenge because responsibility. I've made the commitment so I have to fulfill it, and that's the first step of growing up.


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