i could use some suggestions on how to improve my essay and also some help with my grammar (commas run-ons and semicolons etc)
Painting is how I rearrange the world as it is presented to me. It is a way of discussing life through an ever expanding collection of images and techniques. I search for ways to bridge the logical and the illogical; to create spaces where elements that do not belong together, now somehow, do. I frequently experiment with reordering of environments by taking images from conditions or contexts with which they are often associated, and creating a new setting or a new set of elements with which they interact, thereby challenging their meaning; their palpability.
My most recent work has a fairly strong scientific influence. I enjoy incorporating cells, membranous components, and anatomical structures of plants in my collage style paintings. I am fascinated by the juxtaposition of these organic, sometimes mellifluous forms, against the harsh lines of technical diagrams and precisely rendered illustrations. In an attempt to combine "organic" with "mechanic", I frequently layer and piece together these elements in ways that are balanced and aesthetically pleasing to me.
I primarily work in series, completing four to eight correlated pieces, and attempting to inspect thoroughly, the ideas with which I am currently working. The series' I have completed in the past have dealt with a variety of themes ranging from male and female roles, themes of flight and breaking away, processes of dismantling and reassembling, and, most recently, reordering of environments. These series' have all carried over elements into one another, wether through technique, repetition of imagery, use of text, or employment of color; yet, they are all distinguishable as separate bodies of work. My use of imagery has progressed from being more solid and static, to a more ephemeral representation where outer layers fade away to reveal the inner workings. I have shifted from more superficial representations of culture to an often times molecular examination of these cultural elements. It is as if these series', though created separately, when seen as a unit, discuss the breaking down of the images I, initially, was so fascinated by.
I have been painting, sometimes scantly, sometimes feverishly for roughly nine years. Through a fair amount of both instruction and my own exploration, I have come thus far. However, I have come to a point where I am dissatisfied. I feel the need for a proper and thorough education, and I wish to experience it at the hands of one of the nation's top schools. I know that by attending SAIC I will be surrounded by a thriving artistic community and a staff of instructors who's purpose and pleasure it is to inspire, inform, and direct me toward my artistic goals. Furthermore, SAIC's well known focus on the incorporation of ever evolving technology is invaluable to me as a student and an artist in a world that is increasingly dependent on technology's application to every aspect of our lives.
Greetings!
I think you've written an excellent essay here! I think you do a fabulous job of describing your artwork and your reasons for wanting to attend SAIC. As far as content, I wouldn't change a thing!
You really don't have any true run-on sentences, per se. There is one I would consider changing somewhat, though:
"It is as if these series', though created separately, when seen as a unit, discuss the breaking down of the images I, initially, was so fascinated by."
It would flow better without the need for so many commas. Try something like this: "It is as if these series, though created separately, discuss as a unit the breaking down of the images I was initially so fascinated by."
Also, note that both times you use "series" there should be no apostrophe. You only need that with a possessive: "the series' beauty; the series' structure," etc.
A few other editing suggestions:
ever expanding - should be ever-expanding.
their meaning; their palpability. - use a comma instead of a semicolon.
"organic" with "mechanic", - in American English, commas always go inside the quotation mark (except with single letters or numbers: "A", "2", etc.).
to inspect thoroughly, the ideas - no comma needed.
wether through technique - you meant "whether."
often times - is one word: oftentimes.
sometimes feverishly - put a comma after feverishly.
Through a fair amount of both instruction and my own exploration, I have come thus far. - "I have come thus far" doesn't really make sense here. How about just "I have come far" or "I have come a long way."
instructors who's purpose - perversely, this type of possesive, the possessive pronoun, does not have an apostrophe. It's "whose."
well known focus - hypenate it: well-known.
Your essay does such a wonderful job of describing your artistic perspective that it makes me want to see your work! I bet the admissions committee will have the same reaction. Best of luck!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
