Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 8

Working with three hundred strangers in the village of Montalban- common app


sohee1992 1 / 5  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"drip, drop, drip drop" whenever it rains in Hong Kong, all I can remember is the image of the water dripping down from the ceiling in an unfinished construction site of a school. A school with no source of electricity, light or food; situated on the land ravaged by poverty and sufferings. This was the unexpected challenge I had to overcome for a week, teaching English to the enthusiastic and eager Montalban children in this unfinished school, which they were to attend. Not only was I to teach, but an incredibly physical labor was introduced to me, as I had to wake up every morning in an early hour just to freshen up for the new day. At one point, I was transported to the fields to plant vegetations around the barren land of the school, which would bring out the colors of the impoverished surroundings for the feel of hope. Never having to dig a hole with a shovel in my life, I was now planting a new life into the world.

Day by day, hundreds of new children came to learn and to meet the fascinating group of Koreans (or volunteers?), excited for the new lesson we had prepared for them. Some of them would wait for our arrival, as though we were their saviors and others remained still as though we were to treat them as kings for the rest of the day, supplying them with food, drinks and entertainment. I was disheartened by those who had thought of us in such way, but did not let grief overwhelm me. Because having the opportunity to spend time with these children meant the world to me as the delight, laughter, and huge smiles that lit up their faces, made me realize I have brought happiness and hope into their lives. They had become the happiest children that I had ever seen. Remarkably, being unaware of the number of children, by the end of the week we were teaching a total of three hundred children, who were passionate towards learning.

I was very blissful. Working with three hundred strangers in the village of Montalban was spiritually uplifting as all of them were individually distinct, supportive and energetic. Though there might've been times of trouble, due to the weather, children still remained ecstatic towards our teaching and helped us out with the technical difficulties. Singing new songs, making arts and crafts and putting smiles onto their faces has become a daily routine to me. Just like I had planted a new life into the fields, I have planted an unforgettable flower-like smile onto their faces. In the beginning, it was hard for me to overcome the obstacle of having to teach in a destitute environment, however, by the second day I've learned to appreciate the good aspects of my life, things I had taken for granted and thing I had neglected. It was an interesting disclosure for me. Understanding the needs of the people of Montalban and the necessities of our group, it was all the same. People are essential to each other, and the bond between people to people are very valuable. It is inspirational to me as I now know that I had made a difference in other people's lives.
qianmeimei 3 / 14  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
Hi, Sohee. overal i think you wrote well. your experience is very meaningful.

But i think if u can say more about the impact on you, it would be better.
eg.
In the beginning, it was hard for me to overcome the obstacle of having to teach in a destitute environment, however, by the second day I've learned to appreciate the good aspects of my life, things I had taken for granted and thing I had neglected.

add more specific details about it, or use one or two examples to show your distinctive personality. do not just tell.

hope this helps :)
Good luck~
ivanka22 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #4
Great essay! But I agree qianmeimei. you mainly describe you experience but the essay topic ask to evaluate, and show the influence on such events on your personality, your future.
OP sohee1992 1 / 5  
Dec 29, 2009   #5
thanks ivanka
and meimei
i'll try altering some parts of the essay to make it reflect on me
ivanka22 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #6
Could you please check my essay! It was a first draft) but nevertherless I want to hear the feedback!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 6, 2010   #7
this part needs work:
Not only was I to teach, but an incredible amount of physical labor was also intr oduced to me, as I had _______________ (to wake up every morning in an early hour just to freshen up for the new day . Replace this with an example of something that is actually strenuous and demanding, physical labor)

I felt very blissful. Working with three hundred strangers in the village of Montalban was spiritually uplifting as all of them were individually distinct, supportive and energetic. Though there might have been times of trouble due to the weather, children still remained ecstatic towards our teaching and helped us out with the technical difficulties.

:-)
badromance 1 / 18  
Jan 7, 2010   #8
This is a really good essay.

I agree with others, as you should conclude by emhasizing more on what you learned (not taking necessities for granted, etc) and how that changed you as a person and how you applied what you learned from that experience in your own life.

hope this helps!


Home / Undergraduate / Working with three hundred strangers in the village of Montalban- common app