'I will be a World Bank president' draft...of my stanford essay

You already know how it all begins post knock-knock-knock-who's there?:"Hi my name is...and I love...I am..." I am not writing you to tell you all my good qualities, but to give you a straight description of the real me, so that you would get a fair warning before we become roommates

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Get ready to say "hi" to Stuffy-two foot one inch tall, short for a human being but not for a teddy (he doesn't like being called Ted...dy). I am so attached to him. He is such a good listener, so he'll listen while we do the talking (still working on his communication skills) I hope he gets his visa. I think that's all for Stuffy. I'm a nail-biting, hair-twisting, slightly whining normal teen. I actually would love to do away with the first three adjectives and wouldn't mind some help from...you. If these don't come to you as slightly negative, I wonder what would. You'll have enough time to sort out my other negatives, but I'm hoping there aren't more. That's all for baggage.

I hope to share my culinary dexterity (forgive my unnecessary grandiloquence) with you -get you to understand food the African way, exchange iconic recipes with you, and eventually add some Africa-sensitive taste buds to your tongue; and hopefully vice-versa. I feel good food is the perfect medicine for pessimism (demand an explanation when we meet). Believe me, I'm an optimist.

Feel free to laugh at this: I will be a World Bank president (still working on my acceptance speech). Jokes apart, I really want that job and I understand the responsibility and hard-work it demands. I have started with the right step by coming here-Stanford. I really hope to be a friend and a confidant to you. I know you'll be the same to me-can't help but be optimistic.

Kind of like this right.

hard too follow at certian points but overall very good...(please help comment on mine)

The essay is good; you can divide the new thoughts into new paragraphs though (currently it's one big paragraph that doesn't read well).

you have the basis for a good essay here. But i recommend you change the "slightly whining" part to something a bit less unlikable. Constantly fidgeting even sounds better.

Also i suggest you remove the reference to the world bank thing. it doesnt seem to add anything and your joke kinda falls flat.

No doubt you are going to have to refine this. but there is definitely potential.