Ok so here is my UC personal statement. I'm still working on #2, but I think I'm pretty much done with this one. Not going to do any major changes, except maybe the conclusion( if I think of a better one) maybe remove a sentence or so, but nothing major. I would greatly appreciate any punctuation/grammar errors found in my essay. Tnx.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
From my relationships with my family to my dreams, the automobile has been a major part of both aspects of my life. My household values family very highly; we always eat our meals together whenever possible and we always try doing as many family activities as possible in order to maintain good relations with each other. Every summer, our family would always go on vacation for about a week or more, and visit different parts of the country, mostly by car and seldom via airplane. Sitting in the car for long hours, trying to avoid the sun's rays coming through the window while looking out to see nothing but desert, and listening to boring audio books such as Alice in Wonderland and other classics, I hated road trips when I was a kid and always wanted to take the plane. However, as I grew older, these road trips became more bearable, as my constant nagging and complaining slowly turned into conversations and I was able to pass the time by talking with my parents and brother and getting to know them a little bit better. After a while, I began to realize how much I learned by conversing with my family during these road trips. One summer, my father taught me all the traffic rules and street signs even though I was years away from driving. Spending the few precious days together crammed in a minivan meant a lot because it gave us time to bond a little bit every time and learn something new, something difficult to achieve during the hectic school year.
While my world consists primarily of my family, there is one particular family member, my father, who has helped make a big difference in my life by shaping the groundwork for my dream and aspirations. His unintentional influence towards my dream, started at a very early age. I can remember that he would take me to the gas station every time he needed to get gas and there, I would look outside the car window in my car seat and see cars of all sorts everywhere, big cars, little cars, loud cars, old cars, etc. What started as a spark, my passion and interest for cars grew over the years as my father continued to inadvertently add fuel to my small fire, by continuing to pique my interest in automobiles by dragging me along to places such as the auto shop for his tune-ups. Since then, my fire quickly grew into a blazing wild fire as I grew older, and began to take more interest in cars by myself. I started to play car games, mainly Gran Turismo, in order to satisfy my urges of driving a car, as well as to learn about the different car parts, through the game's upgrade feature. I began to research about cars on my own time, and after learning all the different car parts by text, I wanted to apply what I learned by working with those parts. To fulfill this, I had acquired an internship at a local auto repair shop, and it was here where I finalized my dreams and aspirations of working to become an automotive engineer.
My world, consisting of the people I know and the connections I have with them, is an important aspect of my life. My current dreams and aspirations, of working as an automotive engineer, would not be known to me had it not been for my world, my family, and especially my father.
Not going to do any major changes, except maybe the conclusion
I'm sorry to hear that, because your introduction needs work. For what it's worth, I'll tell you what you ought to do. Then you can decide whether or not to put in the work.
As it is now, your introduction ambles through commonplace statements about your family before beginning to get to the point. In my view, you should cut everything up to "Sitting in the car for long hours..." and start there.
This, then leaves you more room, in your conclusion, to talk about your dream of being an automotive engineer. You could even bring the conclusion back to the introduction by reflecting on what children might learn while riding with their families in vehicles engineered by you.
