I'd really appreciate any feedback! Thanks a lot! I'll post the prompt in bold, as well as my essay
Describe the world you come from -for example, your family, community or school -and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
In a world filled with materialistic propaganda, things like television and the internet rule over the average teenager's mind. In today's world, we are easily influenced by the celebrities of our time. Although the media's existence has been an influential factor in my generation, it is not the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans that have impacted my dreams the most. I have been fortunate enough to be influenced by my family and school community.
My family has always remained a constant part of my life. All of my fondest memories have involved all the members of my family: my mother, father, and four younger sisters, ages fifteen, fourteen, seven, and four. Throughout my life, my parents have always instilled a strong sense of unity between myself and sisters. Being the oldest, I became their second mother when my parents were away. By caring for my younger sisters, I now strive to help people as a career, especially children.
The main event that has shaped my career path occurred on July 4th, 2005. While others celebrated America's independence, my mother and father were on their way to the hospital with my sister, who was twelve at the time. She was later diagnosed with a rare blood disease called hemophagocytic lymphohistiocytosis that was triggered through a case of mononucleosis. Her doctor, Dr. Loh, was so puzzled at how rare it was, yet he worked around the clock to ensure that her health would be restored. With their help, she made a full recovery and has been in remission since. By watching her doctor's dedication, it inspired me to help out other children by one day becoming a pediatrician. The rarity of her disease has also inspired me to consider a career as a research scientist as well.
As the first member of my family to go to college, I am thankful to have the opportunity to impact my future from an educational standpoint. At UCSD, I feel that my interest in science will be met with their rigorous science education programs available. Although becoming a doctor requires dedication, perseverance, and knowledge, at UCSD, I will be challenged to find the appropriate solution to any problem, will be met by a welcoming staff and student body, and find the support necessary to achieve a career in the medical or science field.
Because I saw how Dr. Loh impacted my sister's life, I firmly believe that one person can make a difference: both globally and locally. At UCSD, I will be able to help those less fortunate than myself by being a member of community volunteer clubs, as well as studying abroad. Through studying abroad, I will not only gain an interest and understanding for a different culture, but also be able to help their local community at the same time. As a well-rounded, intelligent young woman with a friendly personality, UCSD will be able to provide for every aspect of my life, whether it be from a career or social standpoint.
