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The World of Harry Potter is the world I came from - MIT essay

tdshah1 5 / 8 4  
Aug 25, 2014   #1
Would appreciate feedback overall on any and all aspects.

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

As I drown myself daily in Egyptian history, marginal distributions, and double slit interference theory, I occasionally think of a memory. In the winter break of my 3rd grade, I had picked up and spontaneously finished the entire Harry Potter series. This memory sticks out for me because it was the first time I had read any book without any pretty pictures on every other page. Moreover, it expresses my background of being a courageous and constant learner.

In college, I hope to enrich myself by being part of the people that make the campus what it is. Any great school will have top notch academics, but only a school like MIT will allow me to incorporate my familiarity and fondness for learning to my academic interests that have developed through exposure to learning opportunities in high school. One of my interests to develop computer/AI technologies that have relevance to medicine, and my enthusiasm for this endeavor came from a novel I read on the future of computer science and a presentation I made at a community technology conference on medical technologies.

With the many endeavors my childhood and high school years have brought me, I send my gratitude to the people that have challenged my status quo. As I fill out the countless college essays and applications that require me to reflect on my past, I have realized that what I've done so far-whether that be read Harry Potter for the first time, give a speech for the first time, or even do well on my math tests for the first time-is just the beginning. I only hope to do and do more, for the sweetest joys of life come with the recognition that I'm not special.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 26, 2014   #2
You totally missed the point of the prompt. It has nothing to do with fictional worlds and what you hope to achieve in college. Rather, the prompt is asking you to take a part of your life, for example, being a member of the swimming club or the school newspaper and then using that environment to describe yourself. The idea is to explain how you learned something like say, the importance of responsibility while working at a part time job in order to explain how that world helped you to develop your dreams, ambitions and aspirations in life.

For example, I would say that :

I grew up in a family of lawyers. Having parents who are both lawyers, my first words were "Not Guilty!" instead of "mama" or dada". When I was old enough to be taken to work, my parents took turns taking me to their respective law firms. The world of law was not only the world of my parents, because of my constant exposure to it, it became increasingly a part of my own world too. That is how I developed an interest in law. During summer months in high school, I worked part time for my parents and attended some court dates with them, further increasing my interest and taking me deeper into the law experience...

Then I would go on to say more about the world I grew up in from there. I hope that I gave you a clear idea of how the essay should actually go. I suggest a complete revision of your paper so that it will follow the prompt more closely. Good luck :-)

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