Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I'm not sure if I focus too much on my family, or if I should focus more on my career path? After all it does ask about our world? any help would be greatly appreciated!
In each person's life there are so many influences that can shape the way we act. The great battle has always been nature vs. nurture, and what really makes a person. In my life nurture has always been the predominant force. I've always lived by the philosophy that it's not where you're from but where you're going. It has always seemed to me that we are each in charge of our own destiny and we can each move past the circumstances we were born into. However I was lucky, and my family has always provided support in whatever I dreamed possible. All throughout my life my family has raised me in a way to see the big picture in life, and to dream beyond my own small town.
To understand where I'm going, I think it's important to first describe where I'm from. Both of my parents come from families that moved around frequently, and sometimes this took them abroad to other countries. As adults they lived in Europe and moved to different areas of America. Because they wanted my sister and I to have a stable childhood they settled into Kentucky. But that didn't stop them from teaching my sister and I to think about what other opportunities that are available to us and not be limited by what the rest of society thinks we can do. My mother and my father have both instilled in us the value of travel, and that we must experience other cultures to understand that not everyone is the same, and its better that way. Through our travels I have seen the amazing vastness of the world, and there is much more than the view outside of my bedroom window.
In my town in Kentucky most people are staying within the state, because it's home to them. The world around me is comfortable and I love where I'm from. But that doesn't mean I want to stay here forever, because my aspirations reach much further than that. Like, to a university in far off, "exotic" California. But I have always known that I would leave my home state and move on to a different environment. Some of my friends call me restless, but I prefer curious. I can't wait to see the world and I wont settle for anything less that my wildest dreams.
I believe that even though we all come from unique genetic make-ups, we still decide our own destiny. Life is what we make it, and because of the world I grew up in, I'm able to leave where I'm from in order to find where I'm meant to be. I truly believe that place is in California. Professionally I hope to someday work for Invisible Children and eventually become a teacher abroad. The world is much bigger than myself and I know that I am meant to help out in any way I can. Through studying at your university I can achieve the knowledge to reach my wildest dreams, and truly see the world.
All throughout my life my family has raised me in a way to see the big picture in life, and to dream beyond my own small town.----I think this needs to be a little more specific. Specificity is what enthralls the reader... general stuff is boring.. but if you just add 2 or 3 more words to add "definition" to this thesis statement, you can have an excellent one... "getting out of this small town" and "broadening horizons" are cliche.... but by adding 2 or 3 more words to this sentence you can make it completely unique and excellent.
To understand where I'm going ...
well, you never told much about where you are going. You told us you are going to CA to work for Invisible Children and eventually become a teacher abroad, so I want to know more details about that, more goals you have set for yourself as you prepare...
Add some nuts to this Snickers Bar. Add some more solid details about your plan, especially for the first few years at this school. That is my only advice for you, because you DEFINITELY demonstrated her that you can write well... this is good stuff...
:-)
