During my years of living, I have experienced various things from the thick and the thin. Many of which have made me who I am today. My family and the community itself caused me to want more in life, to expand not only my knowledge, but also my horizons. In reflecting back on what I have done in life, it shows me that I am well on my way of changing my weaknesses into strengths and achieving my aspirations. I feel as though I am a very determined, hard-working, versatile person who is ready for college and the world.
In life as I know it, the nature and nurture that is part of my being is my motivation to adapt and interpret better of my society. The problems of my family and the community I encountered in the past and sometimes the present walk with me into the future, however, these encounters motivate me to do better each day. From my communities in Los Angeles and the Inland Empire and from the time I was growing up until now seem to relate the same way. I lived in places where I was discriminated because appear with different attributes and a place where the meaning, corrupted seem to fit in. Opportunities in my community were most of the time occupied but some were not like key club and student council; they were a way to avoid the negative. I remember a time where I was affiliated in doing bad qualities as a pre-teenager and in teenage years. This is was the time where I was consumed by the community around me as well as my family stumbling upon problems. My family had a mixture of problems of then and now such as financial problems dealing with the economy as well as other situations in the past and relationship problems between my mom and dad which were devastating and critical. It was a very stressful time but at a point I began to realize how much in the world I can do to help myself and help those around me.
My first priority and the best option was school. It was the only choice I could afford to make life easier for me and for others around me in the future. School would bring a positive attitude towards the people around me based on the positive people I know and the spirit from schools I have attended. Programs and focusing on school made people around began to realize how I steadily manage to strive better academically and mentally. These issues just made my dream and aspirations stronger and faded away obstacles due to the things that kept me going. When I look back I can see major difference in how my attitudes, my work ethic, and other qualities that are not inclined to what I have today. I chose these issues because I realize these impacted my life greatly and will remain with me for the rest of my life but the real answer is that I changed with positive influences and greater knowledge to help myself and others alike. I think these situations were destined for me and to see myself develop a strength to live and make the best out of life with my dreams and aspirations being another step away.
Hi, I suggest you look for unnecessary phrases and words to take out, because that will make it more powerful. For example, the beginning:
I have experienced various circumstances, thick and thin, many of which have made me who I am today. My family and the community caused me to want more in life, and to expand not only my knowledge, but also my horizons. In reflecting back on what I have done in life, it shows me that I am well on my way to changing my weaknesses into strengths and achieving my aspirations. I am a determined, hard-working, versatile person who is ready for college and the world.
I only have time to edit that part, but I think you can make it rhythmic and strong by taking out unnecessary words.
Good luck!!
Kevin
I think your prompt is pretty good except I think you might have messed up on this sentance "I lived in places where I was discriminated because appear with different attributes and a place where the meaning, corrupted seem to fit in."
Maybe you should focus more on the most significant event because you kind of go off into a lot of other events and its really brief. Probably go more into detail.
I hope that helped a little. Please comment mine I really need help with it also
