'The world of nursing' - one paragraph from my essay

The world of nursing must have a heart. When you have a heart you will fear of doing harm to others which are nurses should be. I said it because in my experience being a nurse assistant for five years I have seen other workers or nurses who does not even have a single passion on taking care of a patient. Why did you choose to become a nurse? For security. It is hipocracy if I say I did not go further to LVN from nurse assistant for financial security. Yes it is one of the reason. But before that, I first learned how to care for human and to value someone else life. Having a heart for people who need and will be needing our hand without expecting something in return is what nursing world is and by that we can still have a better world as what we want it to be.

I'm not sure to whom this is addressed to, but I would try to avoid 2nd person.

[Why did you choose to become a nurse? For security.] - The main reason I became a nurse:security

[Yes it is one of the reason] - redundant

[Having a heart for people who need and will be needing our hand] - Caring for people who are in need and willing to aid

[and by that we can still have a better world as what we want it to be.] - Separate into two sentences and try to be more clear. What is a better world?

I only edited major errors

The world of nursing (YOU) must have a heart. When you have a heart you will fear of doing harm to others which are nurses should be. I said it because in my experience being a nurse assistant for five years I have seen other workers or nurses who (DO) not (DELETE EVEN) have a single passion (FOR) taking care of a patient. Why did you choose to become a nurse? For security. It is hipocracy if I say I did not go further to LVN from nurse assistant for financial security. Yes it is one of the reason. But before that, I first learned how to care for human(S) and to value someone else('S) life. Having a heart for people who need and will be needing our hand without expecting something in return is what nursing world is(,) and by that we can still have a better world as what we want it to be.

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The second sentence really confuses me, consider revising.

The paragraph is kind of confusing to me first you talk about needing a heart and then it switches to security and then to financial security. One paragraph should be about each topic. Hope this helps a little!

Hmm, I figured out some mistakes. I'd agree J'Michael as he said this paragraph is kinda confusing to me first you talk about needing a heart and then it switches to security and then to financial security. One paragraph should be about each topic. Hope this helps a little!

The world of nursing must have a heart. When you have a heart, you will fear of doing harm to others which are nurses should be . I said it because In my experience being a nurse assistant for five years, I have seen other workers or nurses who does not even have a single passion for taking care of a patient. Why did you choose to become a nurse? For security. It is hipocracy (sp?) if I say I did not go further to LVN from nurse assistant for financial security. Yes, it is one of the reasons . But before that, I first learned how to care for human and to value someone else life. Having a heart for people who need and will be needing our hand without expecting something in return is what nursing world is and by that we can still have a better world as what we want it to be.

Like the others, I was confused when you went from heart to financial security. I think you should reduce your use of second person and make this essay more personal.