Hello! I've just finished my draft on UC prompt 1. I will really appreciate any critiques, suggestions or corrections that can improve it. Thanks to everyone who reads and comments on my essay!!
Describe the world you come from - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
"Good morning, Ms.Penn."
I can feel my heart drumming against my ribs. I say to myself, 'It's simple. Don't be so nervous. Just say it.'
"Good morning, Ms.Penn."
Now, get ready...
"G-good NONNING, Ms. Pin."
I can clearly picuture the first day of my middle school in New Zealand. A nervous little Korean girl walks into the classroom and subsides into her allotted seat in stiff silence. She stares at the new world she has just entered, at the beaming blue eyes of her neighbor and the gentle curves of incomprehensible writings on white board. But her sense of wonder quickly dissolves as the roll call begins. Pressure mounts inside her. For the first time, she has to speak something out loud in English in front of public. One pity failure will make her a laughing stock, or so it seems to her. Yet the pressure quickly fades when she finally answers the call with a mispronounced "Good morning," leaving her flushed yet relieved at her incomplete success. She realizes then she has just taken one simple but hard step on a path of transition.
I grew up learning that life is change, and that every change is accompanied by challenges which overthrow the predictability of yesterday's routine. For instance, I immigrated to New Zealand from South Korea with my father and younger sister when I was twelve. Neither a naïve kindergartener nor a dashing teenager, I struggled to take in the world completely different from where I had been raised, let alone the sudden absence of my mother (who remained in Korea) at the crucial phase of adolescence. Simple thing such as a row with my father or my mumbling speech at school mattered to me, and I felt vulnerable as to where this tide of transition would lead me to. Yet, at some stage, I realized that it was I who has to take hold of my life's direction; it was I who choose to grow, and not to stay mired in hesitant bemusement at the changing circumstances. From then on, I strived to learn English to break the confining barrier of language. I tried to lessen my father's burden of raising two daughters without his wife in a new country. I became an independent individual, appreciating my life in a multicultural society. I have grown intellectually; the anxiety in expressing myself in English replaced with renewed confidence.
As a result, my subsequent strides on the path of transition became more willing and far-reaching. I moved my high school and took IB courses on my own decision to raise my intellectual bar. I took my first job after graduation, tutored and befriended kids I barely knew before. I was no longer a passive observer of changes, but an eager explorer on the road to potentials, challenges and accomplishments.
True, changes can bring pain and inconveniences. Nevertheless, my world has evolved from and will be constructed upon them, for now I realize that they also bring progress and maturity. Beyond a hard first step into the unknown, an adventurous journey to personal discovery will unfold. I am ready to take another life-changing stride towards your school, in search for my true potentials and growth at the end of the road.