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UC Prompt #1 - My World, working class immigrants


jjeff 4 / 9  
Nov 27, 2009   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

As the son of war refugees and working class immigrants, I knew my future to be a perilous journey. From the start, I was placed in a struggling family, watching two parents come home after a day's worth of sewing. Every day, every night, the same story dragged on; my parents' responsibility to provide for the family was a never-ending tale. As I aged, I could not help but to relieve my parents' stress. I sought to do my part in the family: to succeed where my parents did not and to live the opportunities that they were never given.

Growing up under such diligent workers, I learned to treasure the facets of learning. Watching a mother and father batter their hands for ten hours each day convinced me to excel in school. Though I entered the world of academics in ESL, I paved my way to EPP, an elementary program for the gifted. By high school, I challenged myself with rigorous courses, hoping to gain insight on subjects that my parents never got a chance to study. With time, education became more than easing my parents' pain; it became a tool to ease my future. By acquiring fundamental education, I understood that I could avoid the perils of the working class and use my wisdom for something greater: helping others live better lives.

As much as I seek to achieve this goal at school, responsibility intervenes my learning at home. With two parents at work, responsibility means tending to an aging grandmother who incessantly worries about her grandchildren. My grandmother's disability to walk compels me to tend to her needs, providing her food and assuring that she takes the proper medication. Despite my school activities, I arrive home early enough every day to look over my grandmother, my only living grandparent. Through responsibility, I have come to cherish my family. I understand that it takes every person in the household to contribute to our living, to make each day more satisfying than the last.

Though I have not lived my parents' lives, I do not intend to. Watching my parents struggle from near-poverty is not the life I wish to lead. As their son, I know they expect me to lead a life sans hardship and pain. With further education, I will accomplish this by carrying out my parents' work ethic and responsibility. I will lessen their burdens and succeed where they did not. Only then can I relieve my parents' pain. Only then can my learning expand to great depths. Through the University of California, Berkeley, I will achieve my longtime success by helping others live a life devoid of struggles and stress. With the opportunities given, this is the least that I can do.

(I'm not the best writer, so any feedback is good feedback. Thanks!)

anjello 1 / 18  
Nov 27, 2009   #2
Your personal statement is great
but unless Cal is the only UC you're applying to I suggest you not specify. You have 1 app for all the UCs you apply to.

As the son of war refugees and working class immigrants, I knew my future would be a perilous journey. I grew up in a struggling family and watched both parents come home after a day's worth of sewing. Every day and every night, the same story dragged on; my parents' responsibility to provide for the family was a never-ending tale. As I grew older , I could not help but to relieve my parents' stress. I sought to do my part in the family: to succeed where my parents did not and to live the opportunities that they were never given.
OP jjeff 4 / 9  
Nov 27, 2009   #3
Thank you very much anjello!

Any other changes that I should make?


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