Hi all please critique this essay for WPI need it ASAP, thanks in advance!!!
It was during 9th grade that, for the first time, I found myself immersed in a textbook rather than a novel. Flipping through the pages, I discovered the remarkable world of economics. For the first time, I was fascinated by something substantive and possessing real world applications. Over the years, as my passion grew, economics latched to my daily life. Oftentimes people think that economics is the study of numbers and money, but it is the study of behavior. Economics is applied to any situation even if one is doing it subconsciously.
My dream is to come back to my country and help its economy and politics. To fulfill this dream, I need not only great knowledge but also a lot of practical experience. However, finding a college that offers both great knowledge and practical experience was very difficult. As a matter of fact, finding such a college really pushed my patience to an extreme and frustrated me out of my wits. That is, until I stumbled upon WPI. As its motto "lehr und kunst" implies, WPI emphasizes on theory and practice. This provides the students with numerous opportunities to engage in real world situations. From the Great Problems Seminars to the Major Qualifying Project, WPI help their students work with many societies and even nations in research projects and problem solving. This helps students mature and understand how to undertake problems that they will later experience.
The major of Economic Science interests me greatly as it provides real life applications to economics. I also want to focus my studies in sustainable economic development. The class that intrigued me the most and I am sure to take next fall is Everyday Economics. This course focuses on the economics of everyday situations and on real world application to the theory provided in class. WPI also provides many internships and work opportunities through its Career Development Program program. I plan on taking full advantage of that at WPI. WPI will greatly benefit me in the long run as I will be prepared to solve difficult real world problems and help my country.
Thank you !!!!!
First I'd like to say that novels are definitely substantive and can have real world applications. I would reword the textbook/novel comparison. Also, the explanation of economics at the end of the first paragraph is unnecessary. Perhaps you should tell them what economics means to you and why it's so appealing.
Paragraph two has its merits, but can be written better imo. "help its economy and politics" sounds a bit childish; so does "great knowledge." You could say something along the lines of "My dream is to return to my native country and strengthen its economic and political infrastructure" and "exceptional academia but also practical experience." Also, I think the "As a matter of fact . . .stumbled upon WPI" sounds a bit contrived and even condescending. Maybe that's just me, though.
Don't tell them what their classes offer... "This course focuses on the economics of everyday situations and on real world application to the theory provided in class." should focus more on what you will draw from it than what the class teaches.
Lastly, I would consolidate "WPI also provides many internships and work opportunities through its Career Development Program program. I plan on taking full advantage of that at WPI." into one sentence: "I plan to take full advantage of the many internships and work opportunities that WPI offers through its Career Development Program."
Hope this helps, and hope you get in! GL!
