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Write a description about a person who has made a strong impression on you.


Danny22 1 / 1 1  
Jun 5, 2016   #1
This is not strictly coursework but it's practice for it so I very much appreciate any feedback so I know what I can improve on. Thanks!

The role played by role models in one's life cannot be downplayed. They are integral in providing life lessons, offering directions, and taking lead roles for the people looking on to them, for this I must confess that my mother has made the strongest impression in my life.

It took me fifteen years to realize what an extraordinary impression my mother has had on me. She's the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about what me and my two brothers will grow up to be, the kind of mother who always has time for her three children, and the kind of person who will give you the motivation to do anything even at the worst of times. Growing up with such a strong role model, I took notice of the way she handles these horrible times.

I can recall a point in her life when she was at her lowest, it was only a few years ago that, to her misfortune, she was made redundant from work since the department of the company she worked for had been closed down due to the company not having enough money to keep it running since its funding was cut dramatically. Alarmingly (to make matters even worse) my grandmother fell very ill as a result of a mysterious lump in her stomach. In spite of all this tragic news my mother didn't let it get to her, instead of doing nothing she did whatever she could do to find another job while taking care of her mother and her children.

This resilience had a lasting effect on me.
There was a time where my performance in swimming had hit a brick wall. I contemplated giving up as it had become apparent to me that I was not able to break past it but, out of all my doubts, my mother's strong and lasting impression was the only reason for me to keep on trying; she wouldn't just easily give up at a time like that. Contrary to my expectations, my mother understood the challenges I was facing such as lack of sleep from spending lots of time working towards my GCSE's and keeping to other responsibilities. Instead of pointing an accusing finger to me, she reminded me that you have to work through the lowest and hardest points in life to get where you want to be. Since then, this statement has always lingered in my mind whenever I face challenges.

It boosts my self-esteem and determination even to this very day.
As well as helping me through this tough time in my life she reminded me that life offers us a number of options to pursue; as such, the choices we make have consequences that accompany them; and that I have to accept the things I do not have the power to change or else I will be stuck in my past, unable to look forward to the future. In this view, she encourages me to pursue what will only have positive impressions in my life however they may be.

akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Jun 5, 2016   #2
Hello Dan! Welcome to the team. We strive to provide you accurate criticism and constructive feedbacks to all members who are in need of writing assistance.

Dan, I can say that this is a well-constructed essay. The ideas are good and linked to each other smoothly. You have no problems in terms of the grammar use as well. To improve this essay better, you may consider my thoughts as follows.

"They are integral in providing life lessons, offering directions, and taking lead roles for the people looking on to them,.Better to split up this sentence into two. "For this, I must confess that my mother has made the strongest impression in my life."

"As well as helping me through.." I have read that it is not recommended to begin a sentence with phrase "as well as", you can put the other transitional phrases to replace it.

"She'sis the kind.." It is better to avoid using contraction in writing.

There you have it. Keep writing and stay positive! Cheers :D
OP Danny22 1 / 1 1  
Jun 6, 2016   #3
Thanks for the feedback akbartaufiq25, I'll make sure to include your points into the essay and I'll definitely be back whenever in need of help. +rep


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