This is my first draft of an essay for UofTexas prompt #3. I was wondering if it is necessarily bad that it is not tied to my field of study or personal story. I also need help with editing and revising though, because I thought somewhere in between I kind of went off topic? So if anyone could please take a moment and look at my essay and give me feedback I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
Prompt: Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
As November approaches, the voters in the United States will finally have a chance to cast their vote in the 2016 Presidential election. Hillary Clinton represents the Democratic party. Donald Trump represents the Republican party. As one of the most influential countries in the world, one would assume that we, as a nation, would have a wealth of respectable and qualified candidates to select from in our Presidential election. While the United States has had its share of interesting candidates in the past, there has been nothing as farcical as the candidates in this election cycle. One candidate's most recent scandal involved narrowly avoiding indictment for handling top secret, classified documents on her own private unsecure servers, and this is only one of the numerous scandals this candidate has been involved in over the years. The other employs demagoguery to prey on the voters who feel like politicians have gone from being people of action to a faceless bureaucracy. These candidates routinely slander each other on social media and, frankly, do not act like responsible leaders. This is not the kind of behavior you expect from a future leader of a country. You expect the president to be someone who you can look up to and inspire the people of your country which is not what the American people are on track to have in their president. As a first time voter for the presidency, this situation has not at all been what I anticipated. As a child, I remember staying up with my parents and watching the debates and campaigns of previous elections, and I was eager to learn the candidates' stances and see if my favorite candidate would win. This election, I have no favorite. I have no candidate that I am hoping to see win the election. I simply have candidates I do not want to see win. Numerous people I have discussed this election with have made it clear to me that they see this election the same way and plan on voting for a candidate to prevent the others from winning. Some voters this election are not voting for a candidate they support. They are voting for who they see as the lesser evil out of Hillary and Trump. With many people losing trust in the two main parties and the lack of ideal candidates this election, many are being pushed to consider options outside of the typical two-party system. Regrettably, I do not think this will have a noticeable impact on the election results, and either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will win the election. I do not know who will win the election this fall, but I am hopeful that whoever is elected will do a respectable job of leading our country and prove the naysayers wrong for ever doubting their capacity to lead our country.
Hi Landon, welcome to EssayForum, an online essay writing support. First, I would like to remind you to use 1-enter to separate each paragraph to ease the reader reading your essay.
I like the way you introduced the opening. It draws my attention and keeps my eyes to read your essay. The ideas are controlled and I did not find serious issues about the grammar. I think the above essay will be better if there are several additional ideas or explanation regarding the impact of the election to yourself or the others. This because you need to answer or to associate the essay with the prompt given, and I think that one or two additional ideas before the concluding part of the essay will not affect your essay too much. Good luck with your practice.
