Please help me with my essay. Any criticisms and advice are welcome! Thanks so much.
General Applicant Prompt
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
At the winter homecoming rally of my freshman year, I saw photographers walking back and forth on the gym floor with their Nikons pointed at the action. Holding my own SLR camera and wanting to shoot too, I found myself jealous. I immediately signed up for a Yearbook class next year, in hopes of becoming a photographer. The class threw me into the world of journalism, the hardships of leadership and the loving arms of a family, all of which have contributed to the person I am.
Yearbook provided opportunities to develop in various areas including writing, design and photography. I poured my energy into learning more about these three aspects by writing, rewriting and reading stories, looking at magazines, detailing layouts and taking pictures at every event. I developed as a young person who didn't know how to tell stories through words and photographs to the Editor-in-Chief of a national award-winning publication.When I read outstanding stories and images, I have a greater appreciation for the work, the writer, and the photographer because I know effort and perseverance to make something beautiful. With all the time and dedication I've invested in Yearbook, I have gained skills and experience that will be beneficial towards my potential career of being a journalist.
In my second year of Yearbook, I earned the job title of Editor-in-Chief, without any leadership experience. Truthfully, I didn't direct the class but simply did the work the title came with. I had difficulty leading the staff and delegating tasks. But my third and current year of the class was different: I built personal relationships more easily, felt more comfortable in the class, and knew what work could be split up into manageable jobs for others. As an editor, I couldn't accomplish much without the support from the entire staff. It wasn't a one-man job to produce a beautiful and cohesive book for the school population. I learned how to become a leader and team player, which are important traits for any job. Now, I value each person's opinion, personality, skills and dedication to make sure everyone's voices are heard. It's one aspect of my life that is crucial because nowadays people feel alone and worthless.
In a hectic work schedule, our adviser ensured we had a welcoming and loving environment. Staff members and I spent time after school together, learned about each other's backgrounds and found out our strengths and weaknesses as journalists and people. Through the frustrating conflicts and deadlines, I gained a better insight to who people really were, which helped me appreciate and understand others' better. To work through arguments, we had to be patient and listen to each other's thoughts and concerns. Because I spent more quality time with the staff, I developed a more personal relationship with them than my other classmates, which made school mean more to me. Through Yearbook, I realized communication was vital in a work environment and personal relationships, and without it, I wouldn't be successful in anything. I take in as much constructive criticism and support from friends who respect me because they will further my skills, confidence, career and quality of life.
Yearbook gave me an opportunity to grow as a journalist, leader and human being. It taught me to value hard work, passion, individuals, patience and communication, which have changed the way I see life.
Thank you so much for helping with mine!
" because I know effort and perseverance it takes to make something beautiful. "
I really liked your essay because it flows, perfect for the prompt, and shows how you developed through yearbook and how it changed you.
Sorry I'm not of much help ): Writing isn't my best skill.
I like this essay because you can really feel the passion you've had for that class. Only thing i need to say is correct your syntax in the first paragraph, I felt the last two sentences a little awkward. Another thing is to add another past event in it just like you did when you put in the memory from the homecoming rally.
Eunhae, thank you!
You don't feel like its too much of an answer for the other UC prompt of 'describe the world you come from, and how it has shapedyourdreams and aspirations? I was reading this essay again and thought it sounded more appropriate fortune other prompt,but maybe it's just me.
Sharey, okay. So if I add this in the end:
Now I'm the one directing photographers where to standing the gym during the rallies.
Would it be enough or better? Because it circles back to the intro.
