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writing poems + engineering studie - USC, short Essays


deeprocker 2 / 6  
Nov 24, 2009   #1
hi,
I am an international student from Turkey, because English is my second foreign language (first French) I have difficulties to write adequate essays for undergraduate admissions. Can you help me, and revise&correct my essays?

Thanks

Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why. Please feel free to talk about an activity other than one you may have discussed in your essay.

Writing poems or articles are really important for me because I think that we should balance theoretical studies mentally. Selection of words and sentences makes on brain to work harder while writing poems or articles. However we do not think essentially during learning a subject lesson. This thinking is the one which increases the creativity. Whatever work you do, the creativity will be always the most important trump that you have and this trump will serve you to come to the fore in your area. Writing also takes you from the social problems into a utopian world in that you can reach to absolute freedom and this freedom relaxes you mentally. This is why, I always feel good after writing something.

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections.

I can say that my interest to space directs me on aerospace engineering studies. The reason of my first choice is engineering instead of astronomy or astrophysics is that, over the years I realized that I am more successful in practical solutions or applications in lieu of theoretical studies. I stand academically in the forefront in project centered topics more than school lessons and this brings my achievements. In fact, I always feel good in the projects that I lead or in the ones that I participate as a member. Therefore, if I am accepted to USC, I will especially be interested in Design/Build/Fly team and new robotics team for special hobby robots designed for space technologies, because I see that in twenty years, there will be daily aero transportation systems so we have to be specialized in this area.
Ariel829 2 / 3  
Nov 24, 2009   #2
There are just a few places where grammar is incorrect (understandable if English is not your first language)
1st question
"makes on brains" could be phrased "encourages one's brain"
2nd question
"on aerospace" could be phrased "into aerospace"
Overall I understand your ideas and they are good, just be careful of the use of the word "on"
aquamarine 2 / 5  
Nov 29, 2009   #3
Yes, your prompt answers the question. I'm working on mine for USC too!

For the second one's grammar:

I can say that my interest to space directs me on aerospace engineering studies. The reason of my first choice is engineering instead of astronomy or astrophysics is that, over the years I realized that I am more successful in practical solutions or applications in lieu of theoretical studies.

change to "interest in" and "directs me to" and "the reason that" and "astrophysics is because (and get rid of the comma)"

good luck!
TimMill 9 / 63  
Nov 30, 2009   #4
Hey dude.

Yes, your essays are clear- like I said before, there are a few grammar points, (see my earlier post), but all in all the essays are direct and to the point.

The second one is better in that you address something specific about USC and something specific about your major in it. If you could tie writing into Aerospace Engineering Studies, and how that hobby benefits your major, that would make the first essay stronger.

Best of luck!
Tim
OP deeprocker 2 / 6  
Dec 3, 2009   #5
thank you for your interest


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