Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 6


Writing and Reading - How They Have Shaped Who I Am


JeffreyGuy 3 / 5 7  
Dec 17, 2015   #1
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Note: I know this doesn't exactly follow the prompt (my essay doesn't say directly what the actual thing that shaped my life is). I'm posting this more for feedback on the anecdotal story itself and the ending, and later on I will shape it to fit the prompt better. The idea for this popped into my head, and so I started to type away! Thanks for reading!

In the year 2012, a little boy sifts through his binder of tiny, written stories. He comes across one he wrote in second grade, where he and his twin brother go on an adventure on a pirate ship to find all the jewels in the world. The little boy smiles, reminiscing on the imagination he had in the past.

He sifts through some more stories, and finds one where he turns into a lollipop! He laughs at the plot and at his horrible grammar, and he sets the story aside. He sees all of these old stories around him, yet he doesn't understand why he stopped writing them. Was it maturity? Was it laziness? Was it the incessant amounts of homework that seemingly prevented him from doing what he knew he loved to do?

The little boy sighs, and the realization occurs to him that his writings were based on the books he had just read. The magic in the pirate ship story was based off of the Harry Potter series, and the silliness of the lollipop story was based off of the hilarity of the Junie B. Jones series.

Everything that shaped this little boy's writing, and ultimately perspective on life, was a result of the novels he read. The life lessons in Scooby Doo, the mysteries in the Nancy Drew series, and the riveting heartbreak of Charlotte's Web all defined who he was.

He didn't seem get enough of these stories that transcended time; stories that portrayed life in varying perspectives. The little boy gets his hands on every piece of writing that he can; writings that cause him to think about his own life, and the state of the world that he lives in.

Later on, this little boy will go to read some of the most influential stories in history: War and Peace, the Count of Monte Cristo, Game of Thrones, Julius Caesar, and more. Stories that will force him to question what he knows about writing, and what he knows about the true values of life.

In an era that prioritizes digital education and the future, this little boy has searched through the past in the form of novels, in order to find the values and beliefs that he holds dear; in order to find the perspective that will shine the light to his future and allow him to change the world.

Finally, after reading many of his old stories, the little boy places them gently on the floor, and gets up after hearing someone calling.

"Hey, Jeffrey, I'm home! Want to go to the library?"

The little boy smiles, understanding now who he truly is.

He knows he is not the most intelligent, and that he is not the most kind. He's not going to be the person who will "cure cancer" and he's probably not going to change the world. He will be one of countless of human beings in the past, and of countless numbers in the future. Yet, even with all of these unrelenting odds...

Who's there to stop him from trying?
--------------------------------------------------------

PS I know this essay isn't that good, so please go easy :)
TampaTutorEric - / 8 5  
Dec 17, 2015   #2
Hi, Jeffrey,
I like the way you write, but I think you are going in a direction that won't help you. If the talent/background/etc. is so meaningful that your application would not be complete without it, you should not have to shape your story to address the prompt. Simple advice: consider answering one of the other prompts. You need to get at something that reveals more of you and that you have stronger feelings about.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 17, 2015   #3
Jeffrey, an anecdotal story should not be the whole basis for your response to an essay prompt. Instead of detailing the events in a creative short story manner, just take the salient points that apply to your prompt and issue a summary narrative of the story instead. Using only relevant quotes from the anecdote whenever necessary or possible.

At this point, the story really does not work with the prompt and I doubt that you can really make the connection. at least not in the way that you have the essay set up at the moment. When you tell a background story, it is always best to tell the story from hindsight. The purpose being that you will first tell the reviewer what lesson you learned about yourself from the event, and then relating how the event transpired, what your part was in it, and then offering a deeper understanding of what happened to you. Make sure that it is a character building story because as a college applicant, reviewers always want to get know about you on a more personal level and these essays offer them a partial look into that side of your life and personality.
OP JeffreyGuy 3 / 5 7  
Dec 18, 2015   #4
Ok, thanks guys! I'l try to come up with a more personal story to write about. Again, thank you so much! @vangiespen @TampaTutorEric
sjgandhi1998 1 / 3  
Dec 18, 2015   #5
The essay was written nicely, but it would be nice to focus on what values you took away from books.
Milaskha99 1 / 3 2  
Dec 18, 2015   #6
The story is somewhat catchy, however, it fails to have a concrete plot. The idea and theme is good, but I think you should try thinking from another perspective. Like instead of just talking about the books just defining you, try thinking about what sort of valuable lessons you learned from these stories and how they affected you, in a good or bad way? Overall, I think you should talk about how the books shaped the boy into who he is today.


Home / Undergraduate / Writing and Reading - How They Have Shaped Who I Am
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳