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"Wrong but Right" - a memoirs about your experience in the past and its effect on you today


Tbontb 2 / 6  
Sep 27, 2014   #1
Wrong but Right
Mistake is what makes us human. It is essential to make mistakes and failure to do something wrong will lead to long-term malfunction. I made countless mistakes throughout my life, but none of them I considered important, or worth to learned. Until recently, I decided to let myself go and do something different, that change me completely. The best and worst decision I have ever made, I make friends, especially with the "bad" one.

Growled up in an Asian family, I'm always being protected from, well, everything. As I aged, I know absolutely nothing about the real world. The only information source that available to me was the television. I rarely communicate with anyone but my family, not because I don't want to but because I was not allow to. My brain was wash with all the academic lectures ad with all the horrible stories about what out there, from economic downfall to murdered, raped crimes, if there's something bad about life, it there. The stories was told to ensure that I'm aware of my surrounding and of course, it is an indirect way to say "You are prohibited from the outside world" without making it sounds like a command. Aside friends from school that I now understand that they're only "classmate". I spent most of my time at home or at cram school. I was force to do and learn things that I do not enjoy, but as parent, they only want what would be the best tools for future success. I remembered numerous times I asked if I can go to a birthday party or having friends come over, and every time I asked, it always the same answer "I will think about it", and never a reply.

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OP Tbontb 2 / 6  
Sep 27, 2014   #2
any review would help, thank you
nikhil333 4 / 6 1  
Sep 27, 2014   #3
Mistake is what makes us human. It is essential to make mistakes and failure to do something wrong will lead to long-term malfunction. I made countless mistakes throughout my life, but none of them I considered important, or worth to learned. Until recently, I decided to let myself go and do something different, that change me completely. The best and worst decision I have ever made, I makemade friends, especially with the "bad" ones .
Growled up in an Asian family, I'm always being protected from, well, everything. As I aged, I know absolutely nothing about the real world. The only information source that available to me was the television. I rarely communicate with anyone but my family, not because I don't want to but because I was not allow to. My brain was washed with all the academic lectures an d with all the horrible stories about whats out there, from economic downfall to murdered , raped crimes, if there's something badhorrible about life, it thereI have heard it . The stories waswere told to ensure that I'm aware of my surrounding and of course, it is an indirect way to say "You are prohibited from the outside world" without making it sounds like a command. Aside friends from school that I now understand that they'reare only "classmate". I spent most of my time at home or at cram school. I was force to do and learn things that I do not enjoy, but as parent, they only want what would beis the best tools for your future success. I remembered numerous times I asked if I can go to a birthday party or having friends come over, and every time I asked, it always the same answer "I will think about it", and never a reply. Shorten this section of your essay

start your essay with this section to avoid loosing the reader's attention I felt frustrated. I wanted to go out, I wanted to make friends, I wanted to have a life and most of all, I wanted to find "me". What do I want for my future? I do I enjoy to do? Where and when can I find a best friend that will be there for me when I struggle? I want to feel love, have a boyfriend. All the questions swirling around in my head, I wanted to experience them all. I wanted to break through the safety hazard and experience failure. I wanted to fail. As I come to the thought of not able to do what I want, I felt depress; but then, the opportunity finally came, my family moved to the United State. I was beyond excited; I thought it would be a great beginning for me to start over and for once, live.

Aside from learning a new language, I decided to become active and started to socialize. I made friends and find groups that I belong. School was great and as I became more mature, my hormones kicked in. I started to urge for belongingness and proximity between male and female, friends. I didn't want to just be classmate or schoolmate, I wanted friendship. I became a rebel, but not the extreme type. I told my mom I stayed at school for help in order to hang out with friends after school. I did it constantly, I felt guilty, I never lied to my mom, ever; but the pleasures of lying and able to get away with it make me want to do it more. I made good friends along with bad friends. Good friends included all straight A's to B's students. We went to library to study together, eat together, and many things good friends would do when they are in a group. I had great time, I felt secure and surrounded by good "kids", I felt proud that I had successfully create connections to people. As much as I love the bright side of the paper, I also wanted to see the dark side of it. I wanted to explore everything, but also concerned about the outcome. What if something went wrong and my mother find out? Too many questions that I couldn't answer at the time, but I tried anyway.
The definition of bad friends would be friends that you shouldn't be together with, for your own sake. I wanted to see and experience how "bad" was and I made some friends. I can instantly discrete them, from the way they dressed to the way they talked, all are different. I found it hard to become friends with them. I need to have a connection of some source to able to fully access the "community"; so I dated a guy, secretly of course, that I considered "bad". As a leader of some gang that I know nothing about, he usually took me out to eat with his "followers", I supposed, and I tried to act natural. I noticed how I became smarter with my words and how to act differently to "fit in". From after school fight to bizarre territory conquest, I saw them with my own eye. I do not involve in any activities, I just parked from far away to watch. I also had been introducing to drugs, but I refused. When I felt like I "experience" enough, I decided to stop. I learned that not all bad friends are bad. In their world, they are a group and only survive when they stick together. They do not force you to do anything you do not like or uncomfortable to do, it all about what you willing to do for the group. I did not experience everything because I had set my limit, but I felt accomplish.
For the first time in my life, I was able to break the protective boundaries and be free. I was able to explore and do what I wanted to do. I met and made new friends, I had made a best friend, and I felt good about myself. The pleasure of guilt was a new experience to mean and I cannot do this any longer. I knew I had taken it too far to the point where I now know where to get access to illegal "substance". Until today, I do regret for having bad friends but at the same time, I do not. I learned so many things and I value what I learned, ( what did you learn ) because it is real and I saw it. Many times, I looked at my mother and wanted to talk to her about everything, but I can't. I don't want to shock her and ruin her image of me as a pure, innocent child. I will keep this memoir as life lesson and because of it, I become smarter and able to handle situations more efficiently. As for now, I will just be the normal student as I used to be and continued to wait for more opportunity to come.

Try to focus more on your choices impacted you and what you learned from them then your parents being strict.
Try to focus on one important decision you had to make, like stay away from drugs and talk about that
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 27, 2014   #4
Tbontb, the main problem with this essay is that it is excessively long when it doesn't need to be. The introduction is too flowery and wordy but does not help the essay progress in an interesting manner. It also contains numerous grammatical and sentence structure errors. The first thing that has to be done to fix this essay is to create a focus for the topic and work it into the essay fast. That is the only way to keep the reader interested in the story that you have to tell.

I am suggesting that you rework the introduction. Open with something like "I dated the wrong guy for all the right reasons". That is an effective hook that make the reader curious about why the wrong guy was actually Mr. Right for you. This also creates a sense of excitement and adventure in the story you are about to tell. You have an interesting relationship with this guy but it is drowned by too much back story that deviates from the central theme of the essay.

You need to combine your family history with the way Mr. Right changed you. Just telling us about your family is boring, but showing us how Mr. Right took you say from "shy and sheltered" to "open and adventurous" in relation to the way that your family raised you will definitely be showing up you your past experiences have affected who you have become. Don't forget to give a killer conclusion that probably thanks Mr. Wrong for helping you become the person you are today.
OP Tbontb 2 / 6  
Sep 28, 2014   #5
thank you


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