any criticism would be wonderful. i'm really curious as to if i'm too far off the beaten path. is it intriguing or just weird?
prompt: You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, the Short Answer, and the Personal Essay. While we leave the topic of your second essay entirely up to you, try telling us something about yourself that you believe we cannot learn elsewhere in your application. Please limit yourself to fewer than 500 words.
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"I am defined"
I am not defined by titles placed upon me by others.
I am talkative and a great listener when you need to vent your problems. I am a mother to all of my friends. I have been told my laugh is hearty and warm like a grandmother's. My prude nature is countered with inappropriate inside jokes amongst my friends. I am an organized mess. I am a master at stating the obvious. I tend to use sarcasm in the most serious of moments.
I can flutter-tongue on flute yet I can't roll my R's. My singing voice could make glass shatter, but not on purpose. My heart belongs to Debussy and Red Hot Chili Peppers. I believe the piccolo is Satan's instrument. I always have a song stuck in my head. I play a mean game of Nertz and don't mind the occasional game of Solitaire. I critique the outfits on What Not To Wear in my non-matching pajamas.
My wasted time is spent on the Internet. I am equally impressed by the writings of William Goldman and Nathaniel Hawthorne. I crave the cold weather living in the middle of the desert. I have a collection of scarves large enough to make a king-sized quilt. I am secretly in love with sappy romance movies. I am addicted to sunshine but enjoy the occasional rain. I would choose a black and white picture over the same picture in color any day.
With the every piece of additional knowledge I gain, the more I feel that I have so much more to learn. I Google the real questions in life, like "Is an artichoke a fruit or vegetable?" (It happens to be a vegetable). I am open-minded unless it involves rap music, Hannah Montana, or raw carrots. My mind is boggled by the world of driving. I contemplate the universe when studying the law of conservation of mass. My life is simple yet the complex invades my brain.
I could live off of peanut butter, macaroni and cheese, orange chicken, frozen yogurt, and Nutella. I drink hot chocolate in the summer and eat ice cream in the winter. Water is my drink of choice, except for the occasional Dr. Pepper. I love the smell of coffee but the taste is horrendous. The smell of Office Max entices me yet I find office work to be mundane.
I am defined by all the little things that make me unique.
While I did learn a lot of interesting, quirky things about you, I'm not sure the "cram a million things about me" approach is going to work here. It just seems like a long list of things that you'd tell to a new friend, not something you'd tell to try to convince someone to admit you to a college. Should they admit you over someone else because you like Nutella and mac'n'cheese? I get that you have a diverse range of interests, but perhaps you should focus on one and really dive into it.
i too agree with mmmargarita. If you have thought to apply Yale then there should be something extraordinary about the ordinary. I hope you understand.Write something ordinary but let it explain your character.
Are you still pursuing this thread or did you already submit your essay?
If yes and no, aside from the good feedback given by the others above, I would add that your beginning (I am not defined by titles placed upon me by others.)and ending sentence do not tie in. You didn't give any titles "placed on you by others" and all the MANY DETAILS YOU LISTED IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER makes your end sentence (I am defined by all the little things that make me unique.) fall flat.
