Yale Supplement: Having fun with learning something

Do my essays answer the prompt well? I assumed that most people would write about something academic, so my goal is to stand out with my answers while still showing my personality and valued traits to the admissions officers.

2. Reflect on a time in the last few years when you felt genuine excitement learning about something. (200 words)

Driving improvement

Click goes the key. The control panel lights up in pixelated primary colors, the engine roars, and although it's just a Honda CRV, I feel invincible.

Driving was a multifaceted impetus for growth. When I started learning, there were unexpected obstacles: whether I could reach the pedals (I'm barely five feet tall) and the covert jokes in my driving class about Asian women being bad drivers. However, the scrutiny only made me more determined to succeed and amped up my anticipation for my turn to drive during class. I practiced as often as I could, and soon an innate understanding awakened. It must have been what athletes feel when their corporeal kinesthetic sense aligns with the brain's perception, except a humming motor was my throwing arm and the world was my ballpark.

Driving demands constant improvement, and the learning never stops. Every drive is a new scenario for me to hone my attention to detail and make split-second decisions. Though my destinations are commonplace, it is how I spend the trip that gives driving significance and thrill. Indeed, the journey represents tangential lessons and self-directed discoveries, and one adventure's endpoint is simply a road sign pointing to another escapade.

3. Write about something that you love to do. (200 words)

To the untrained eye, it was simply a crowded airport terminal. To me, it was a tense situation of cat and mouse, a test of wills to see whose would snap first. My eyes narrowed imperceptibly as the rival spy shifted in his seat. What was his motive? Was the symbol on his neck pillow a brand logo or a clue to his allegiance?

The boarding call interrupted my thoughts. I watched the nameless stranger tug his suitcase away, leaving behind another unfinished story.

I love people-watching and attaching fanciful explanations to ordinary interactions. Sometimes they're as grandiose as my airport narration. Most times, however, it's something simple and infinitesimal. The cashier checking her phone isn't being unprofessional; she's nervously anticipating news of her mother's surgery. The street corner beggar isn't an entitled bum; he's recovering from debilitating anxiety and it's all he can do to even be in public. This imaginative habit has instilled in me a moral principle of reserving judgment of everyone I encounter until given reason otherwise. It's a good reminder that everyone has a struggle, and even if my story of a stranger is hilariously inaccurate, that person still deserves kindness, regardless of circumstance.

Angela, I know that you are in a hurry to get these essays reviewed but that doesn't mean that you can violate the one essay per thread rule of the forum. So, I hope you will understand why I can only review the first essay in your thread. Please post the second essay in a separate thread. That will be deleted by the forum admin once they detect it in the system. Don't risk missing out on the relevant advice for that essay. Post is separately. Now here is what I can say about the first essay that you wrote.

The 199 response that you wrote is actually too long for the essay because you could have made it more informative for the reviewer at only 133 words. My advice is to keep the first paragraph intact but merge the second and third paragraphs by omitting the class teasing along with how you practiced and instead bring up the lessons that you learned about driving immediately. This better projects the excitement that you felt as you learned how to drive.

The lesson learned, when presented, is even more important than how you arrived at that conclusion in a word limited essay. A direct response that will immediately have the reviewer saying "Now, that is genuine excitement coming from a lesson learned." should b the goal of your essay and we can easily direct your essay to accomplish that.

@Holt
I'm very sorry, I didn't know about the one essay per thread rule. I will definitely post the second essay in a new thread, and here is my revised version of the first at 197 words:

Click goes the key. The control panel lights up in pixelated primary colors, the engine roars, and although it's just a Honda CRV, I feel invincible.

I also feel that this is the best version I have written, but do you feel like I answered the prompt? The prompt, "reflect on a time you felt genuine excitement learning something", is pretty open ended, just asking for reflection. Do you think my essay conveys excitement about my learning process?

This is a great revision Angela. You have successfully drawn the reader into the world of driving lessons without going through the monotony of presenting the pitfalls and failures of driving class. You have avoided the commonly known references to who or what makes a bad driver and have instead, focused on driving as a form of relaxation. It almost seems to me that when you drive, you feel a sense of nirvana that one would not normally associate with driving. So the lessons that you learned from driving delivers a real reflective look at the experience that comes with learning how to handle a 1 ton rolling machine. If you feel the same way as me, you may decide to finally use this version of the essay. I truly believe that it is ready to represent your narrative to the reviewer. Best of luck with your application.

PS - Don't mistake the excitement about a learning experience to be something manifested in a physical manner. Not all excitement has to be physical or vocal in nature. In your case, the excitement of learning how to drive came from the new perspective in life that you developed as you slowly gained your freedom or mobility through the driving lesson process. The excitement is all about the fulfilled journey of finally learning to drive. The enlightenment that you discuss in the later part of the essay embodies the intellectual excitement that came from the activity.

Not all of the excitement can be quantified in ways normally seen. Excitement can come from anything and occur anywhere. The fact that you are not going for the obvious meaning of excitement means that you have a deeper insight regarding the possible meaning of the prompt and you reacted to the deeper, rather than shallow meaning of "excitement about learning something".

By the way, I really appreciate the value that you give my opinion. It means a lot to me and makes me strive to continue to help you get into college on your own terms.

@Holt
Thank you so much again! I will no doubt be seeking your critique many times in this last week before my deadlines. Happy Holidays :)