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Yale speaks to me, I want Yale--- Yale short answer

Oryx97 5 / 7  
Dec 29, 2013   #1
Thanks in advance for reading my essay. I want to know whether my short answer fits the prompt. Also, please revise my short-short answers.
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? (Please answer in 100 words or less.)

Yale speaks to me. I can't hear the words, but there is a connection between my love for exploration and Yale's diverse activities and research opportunities. Having limited exposure to activities outside academics due to my lack of transportation, I yearn to discover a whole new world to expand my interests at Yale. I want to join Yale's rigorous Biomedical Engineering Program, as well as some of Yale's academic organizations like: SWE, EWB, and Yale undergraduate Robotics. Inside Yale's diversely close residential community, I hope to be an explorer who finds her passions and adds to Yale's community of education and research.

2.) Please respond in 150 characters (roughly 25 words) or fewer to each of the questions below:

a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
I would gather my friends to play Clue, Life, and Monopoly, read, and watch interesting videos in Vsauce.
b. What is something about which you have changed your mind in the last three years?
I used to believe being a doctor was the only way to help humanity's health. As I researched topics for Science Fair during the summer, however, I found that bioengineers and scientists' research is currently helping many individuals.

c. What is the best piece of advice you have received while in high school?
My counselor said to me, "You are more likely to accomplish your goals if you write them down." Since then, I keep a journal where I write my goals and what I do each day to get closer to them. It worked.

d. What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
I wish I could have better writing skills.
e. What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom that has had a significant impact on you?
Succeeding in AP Biology, my fist AP class and the class many teachers discouraged me to take, made me realize I was capable of taking big challenges. Since then, I am not afraid of taking AP classes.
rbuttar14 6 / 11 2  
Dec 30, 2013   #2
Overall I think everything is pretty much solid! The only thing I could see as a potential problem is "Yale Speaks to me." I think you should either omit this phrase or use something better. I feel as if it is too cliche, or overused. I think there are many better ways to express how Yale is the perfect school for you.

Also in part e,

"Succeeding in AP Biology, my first AP class"
cicijolee 5 / 19 4  
Dec 30, 2013   #3
I like the beginning of the why yale answer. Especially the "I can't hear the words but" part. Though I think you should replace some "Yale"'s with "it" or "this college" or something. It becomes a bit too repetitive for me

Your short-short answers seem really good too :)

best of luck !

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