Yale Supp't Essay- The Trouble with Math

Hello :D

I'm adding my supp't essay to Yale. Please critique it. I'm not very pleased with it because I find it to be too conventional and I'm usually out-of-the-box with my writing. I'm hoping to highlight my essays in my application.

I was never a brilliant mathematician; numbers were often a struggle for my rather artistic brain. I could not paint portraits, liaise choreography, or dictate poetry with equations. Thus, math became the bane of my existence. During class, I would often lower my head and tireless work away at the presented problem; often, I would shamefully hang my head from despair when realizing the answer was off by several numbers. However, I did not relinquish- I ploughed on, practicing frequently on my own time.

During my first semesters of high school, I found math to be even more devilish than before. It was horrible and fastidious; did it really matter what x2 + 2x - 45 equalled? There was no merit in this dreary exercise. I would have rather preferred spending my time painting, reading, or writing poetry. However, I did not shelve math; I would take whole weekends and concentrate solely on it. I would approach my teacher during breaks, lunches, and afternoons with questions. I would not give up! My mother, too, laboured arduously for my mathematics to improve; she spent hours sitting at my desk, pounding derivatives into my head. And it is not to say that I didn't improve- my math marks dramatically increased in the ninth grade. I began achieving highs that I couldn't have imagined in a blue moon.

My newly found confidence with mathematics prodded me to inquire into math further. I signed up for math contests, full of hope that I would win medals and international recognitions for my achievements; however, I scored average. I did not wow any foreign-born critic with my accomplishments. In fact, they are hardly worth noting. I concluded, thus, that I bore no innate math skills. I was never going to be like the whizzes I saw on television, answering 2 in a matter of milliseconds. Surprisingly, this did not bother me in the least. Sure, it would've been nice to conclude my applications for Yale with, "I have maintained the top standing for mathematics in Canada throughout my four years of high school". However, I was not gifted with the talent to procure such magic. I was gifted, instead, with pure logic, and the ability to write decently.

Though my math hasn't been the most wondrous of my subjects, I have managed to pull decent grades. This past semester, I averaged a ninety-six percent. Pleased as I am with this performance, I realize that if not for my resilience in the previous years, I would have averaged much, much lower. It is this, in fact, that has benefited me in my quest for intellectual vitality; the most successful talents are the ones practiced! Although I am still not the greatest test-taker for math, I have managed to clear the fog from the most basic concepts. I will never be a Gauss, or a Hilbert. However, I may someday hope to pursue the shadows of Steinbeck, Perlman, and Balanchine.

"To each his own"
~Cicero

Ignore the lack of indents please. I am not computer-savvy enough to figure them out (boo hoo).

Thanks :D

I would also be very willing to help edit essays if anyone would like...?

During class, I would often lower my head and tirelessly work away at the presented problem; often, I would shamefully hang my head from despair when realizing the answer was off by several numbers.

However, I did not give up - I ploughed on, practicing frequently on my own time.

During my first semesters of high school, I found math to be even more devilish than before.---This is great!

I would rather have preferred spending my time painting, reading, or writing poetry.

I was never going to be like the whizzes I saw on television, answering questions in a matter of milliseconds.

It is this, in fact, that has benefited me in my quest for intellectual vitality; the most successful talents are the ones practiced!---Well said!

Although I am still not the greatest test-taker for math, I have managed to clear the fog from the most basic concepts. I will never be a Gauss, or a Hilbert. However, I may someday hope to pursue the shadows of Steinbeck, Perlman, and Balanchine.

I think your essay is great, especially the ending! Good luck with school.

:)

I think this is a great essay:) I don't think it's too conventional, but that's probably because my essays are conventional themselves. But you say that you realize that writing is what you are good at instead of math, so if you could make the essay out of the box like you usually do, then it would be an even greater evidence of your talent for the admissions committee. For me though, this is already great as it is. I agree with the corrections Susan made. I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but I can't find any other mistakes. Well, good luck!

Maria



Sounds very awkward to me, I don't think fastidious fits in this context, maybe its just me.
Suggestion: "terribly demanding" or following the subsequent clause maybe: "unnecessary"


Okay quick question, (kind of confusing to me) do you mean your first semester of high school or during the first semester of every year of high school?

If it is the first semester of high school it should be: "During my first semester of high school"


Clause in green sounds awkward.
Maybe: Not to say my marks did not improve -they increased dramatically in the ninth grade. I achieved even higher marks that I ever imagined I could.


prodded me to further inquire about math.

A ninety-six is a decent grade? LOL.
Overall I think this was quite a lovely essay. There were a few awkwardly worded sentences but otherwise I hear the sincerity in your quest to defeat math and your perseverance shone through. I like your concluding paragraph and the brute honesty in the second to last paragraph.


I agree with Susan, this sounds much better and is more appealing.

I hope this helps & if you could comment on my essays I would be grateful. Good day.

hmm.
i think this essay is quite interesting on its own.

But i dont get why you are using this for Yale. What do you want this essay to show? The way you phrased in your essay was as if you were inherently bad at math and managed to achieve good results all through hard work. But everyone in Yale is hardworking. In what way do you stand out?

I would suggest writing something like what has influenced to become the person you are today, and relate that to how yale will help you in becoming the person you want to be.

Hope that helps.

Thanks so much for all your feedback. I have taken into account many of the suggestions.

Do you find this revised version to be better?

I was never a brilliant mathematician; numbers were often a struggle for my rather artistic brain. I could not paint portraits, liaise choreography, or dictate poetry with equations. Thus, math became the bane of my existence. During class, I would often lower my head and tirelessly work away at the presented problem; often, I would shamefully hang my head in despair once I realized my answer was off by several numbers. However, I did not give up- I ploughed on, practicing frequently on my own time.

During my first few months of high school, I found math to be even more devilish than before. It was horrible and terribly demanding; did it really matter what x2 + 2x - 45 equalled? There was no merit in this dreary exercise. I would have preferred spending my time painting, reading, or writing poetry. However, I did not shelve math; I would take whole weekends and concentrate solely on it. I would approach my teacher during breaks, lunches, and afternoons with questions. I would not give up! My mother, too, laboured arduously for my mathematics to improve; she spent hours sitting at my desk, pounding derivatives into my head. This is not to say my marks didn't improve- they increased dramatically in the ninth grade. I began achieving extraordinary highs.

My newly found confidence with mathematics prodded me to probe into math further. I signed up for math contests, full of hope that I would win medals and international recognitions for my achievements; however, I scored average. I did not wow any foreign-born critic with my accomplishments. In fact, they are hardly worth noting. I concluded, thus, that I bore no innate math skills. I was never going to be like the whizzes I saw on television, answering 2^ in a matter of milliseconds. Surprisingly, this did not bother me in the least. Sure, it would've been nice to conclude my applications for Yale with, "I have maintained the top standing for mathematics in Canada throughout my four years of high school". However, I was not gifted with the talent to procure such magic. I was gifted, instead, with pure logic, and the ability to write decently.

Though my math hasn't been the most wondrous of my subjects, I have managed to pull decent grades. This past semester, I averaged a ninety-six percent. Pleased as I am with this performance, I realize that if not for my resilience in the previous years, I would have averaged much, much lower. It is this, in fact, that has benefited me in my quest for intellectual vitality; the most successful talents are the ones practiced! Although I am still not the greatest test-taker for math, I have managed to clear the fog from the most basic concepts. I will never be a Gauss, or a Hilbert. However, I may someday hope to pursue the shadows of Steinbeck, Perlman, and Balanchine.

"To each his own"
~Cicero

I thought it was quite an interesting essay. I would just read it over once super slowly and fix some of the awkward phrasing.

If you have time check out my stanford supplement essay

Also one more thing, is indenting necessary on the common app? Cause when I put in indents, it automatically takes them out.