Hi everyone. This is my common app and I would really appreciate it if anyone took a look at it. I know editing takes time and I really need someone to critique this essay. Although grammar is important, can anyone please take a look at the content of this essay? Is the topic, idea, lesson learned okay? For now I just need a review on the content of this essay and if the essay is inviting and interesting. Thank You so much in advance!!
this is the prompt i chose for common app:
2. The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
Two Birthday Presents
Just like every year, I bought two presents for my sister on her fifth birthday. She went one by one to open up the presents and lastly unraveled mine.
"Again! Two presents," she exclaimed. "Why do you always buy me two?"
A wincing smile trickled on my face. I could suddenly feel the heat rising in my cheeks. Although my sister was overjoyed with the two presents I gave her, the memory that stood behind it bothered me.
I was twelve years old when my dad told me that I'd be having another sister. While he joyfully embraced the news, I bluntly asked, "Whose room will she share? I hope not mine." The color in his face suddenly drained to a pale white; it seemed that he was not expecting such a response. I could not fathom what was wrong with my response.
About six months later, my sister was born. Being ignorant toward her arrival, I lacked concern for where she would sleep and simply did not share my family's excitement about her. My priorities were myself and my life only.
As my sister started to grow, my mindset slowly began to change. After being asked to look after my baby sister a couple of times, my perception of her became different. I found pleasure in helping her to learn and grow: guiding her through her first steps, making sure her milk was the right temperature, and reading a book before she went to sleep. I formed a genuine affection for her, something that I did not have before. Forming a strong relationship with my baby sister caused me to grow altruistic. The more that I helped her, the more I realized that it was helping me to defeat my own selfishness.
Over time, as I remember the conversation with my dad, I look back on a different me. Occasionally when my sister jumps on my bed and messes up my sheets, I let it go. This way I am able to repress my sense of guilt from before.
I buy two presents for my sister on her birthdays. One is for her birthday and the other is to calm the pressure of my conscience about being selfish before her birth. I will continue doing so in order to constantly remember what being self-centered has brought me. Through all this, I realized that I will need to deal with selfishness in all aspects of my life. When I make decisions and judgements, I keep an open mind to be aware that at any moment selfishness can deceive me. I have also developed an awareness of the social responsibility for others. Now, I am able to suppress my arrogance with confidence, while remaining cognizant of what the future may hold.
So, when my sister asks me why I give her two presents for her birthday, I tell her that she deserves it. Now, my room is also her room, and it does not matter that there are not extra rooms in the house because as long as I have an open heart, I know that there will always be room for other people.
