Every year on vacation, I tutor 2 or 3 students - this is one of my extracurricular activity

Please help me with this response.
I have very less time to submit my application.

Elaborate one of your extracurricular activities.

Every year in my vacation, I tutor 2 or 3 students. The main reason why I love tutoring is that I feel I learn so much when I teach someone. It has also developed several positive qualities within me such as patience, determination and perseverance. Last year when I was preparing for my finals, I taught my peer who had missed the classes for 3 months. That was a real challenge to me since I had to cultivate the patience to work on either a simple math problem or a simple organic reaction for 30 minutes. But at the same time, it made me determined not to give up helping the student who had passion to learn. My hard work and his passion finally paid off as he got average grade "B" in finals.

The more I share, the more I learn. So I love tutoring.

The response that you provided is acceptable but could do with more development in terms of what benefits you get out of tutoring other students. When you say that you learn from this experience, you need to cite a specific instance when you learned something during a tutorial session. It is kind of hard for the reviewer to imagine what lessons you feel when you are tutoring to you need to give him a clear idea of what you learn and how that happens.

You have said that "The more I share, the more I learn. So I love tutoring." Explain what kind of lessons you have learned while tutoring others. You often repeat that you find these tutorial sessions to be learning sessions on your part and yet you never give a clear idea as to what those lessons are. Instead, you gave an example of the results of your determination to tutor a student. Try to balance the response by showing the lessons that you learned alongside the test of your determination, you will be able to present a strong idea as to why this extra curricular activity will be one that you truly enjoy.

I think you do an adequate job answering the question. You elaborate your reasons as to why you choose to tutor. Grammatically, however, I feel like some things could be changed. Some of the words are awkwardly phrased,

"Every year in during my vacation" , "I feel I learn so much a lot when I teach someone"; "it made me determined not to give up helping the student who had passion to learn."--could be better phrased

"So I love tutoring." could be changed to "And that's why I love tutoring."

Good luck with your application! :)