In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Please help edit. I feel like my essay does not have good structure or flow and might be a little juvenile.
Essay:
Today is the day, yearbook judgment day. The day I would find out if all my hard work has finally paid off over the last three years. I walk towards the door which seems to be ten thousand miles away, but in reality is only about ten feet. With sweaty hands and a drumming heart I turn the knob. I take my seat across from Mr. Grozan and the only thing I hear is "Congratulations, you are the next editor-in-chief." Being editor-in-chief has made me more responsible, devoted, and motivated.
As a student I am responsible for my own success. Yearbook has taught me a lot about responsibility. Pictures need to be taken, copies had to be written, and pages had to be put into proof in order to make our deadlines. If the editors did not make deadline, the book would be pushed back and I was the one to blame. This will help me in my future education because I know that I am the only one responsible for my future.
I am in charge of managing a yearbook staff of 25 to create a 400 page book in only 6 short months for everyone to enjoy. That doesn't just happen over night. It takes a lot of long strenuous hours to make sure that every little detail looked perfect. In order to do this I have to be devoted to my yearbook class and the school. Before yearbook I would never go to club meetings or any sporting events other than football. Now I go to pretty much everything and yearbook has really opened me up to a brand new worlds of experiences and people I would have never known.
Unlike other people, I actually enjoy going to school and learning. I have always been motivated to take interesting classes even if it meant having to do more work. It is the same way with yearbook. I love to cover the more interesting subjects like varsity football and national honors society. There are much more events to cover but the work really pays off in the end because in is so much more enjoyable.
Being the editor-in-chief of the yearbook has taught me a lot of useful qualities to help benefit me in the future. Responsibility, devotion, and motivation are all very important qualities to have in order to succeed. If it wasn't for all of that hard work I put in over the course of my high school career I would have never made it to the top on yearbook judgment day.
Any suggestion will be greatly appreciated!
Your Essay lacked Passion. We don't see much of the work that went into it. You tell us all the experience taught you, but it will be nicer if you could link the lessons to an actual event.
" I walk towards the door which seems to be ten thousand miles away, but in reality is only about ten feet."- leave the second part out. It takes the juice out of your narration.
I will advise that you review your essay again.
