How does it sound? Does it lack something? How can I improve? Please help.
What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)
When I was a young boy, my grandfather used to say that the secret of success lies in a man's hard work and his perseverance. His words proved true when I applied his wisdom to get the top position in my class. Since then, embodying these attributes into my personality, I have never faced any challenge that I could not overcome with hard work and perseverance.
It is this hard working attitude that has helped me climb the ladder of academic excellence. Getting world distinctions in O-level Mathematics and Physics was no walk in the park for me, but was preceded by an uphill battle. But I remained diligent and focussed on my goal because I knew my hard work would pay off and the fruit of success would be all the more sweeter. And I was right, the pride and joy in my parents eyes when I told them about my success was worth every single bit of the hard work I put in. What differentiated me from my peers was that while they were aiming to get 'A's or 'A*'s, I was aiming for something more, something unprecedented.
This ability to remain focussed and persistent has helped me in every field. Whether it be training for a soccer match or preparing for a debate competition, hard work always pays off and the best part is, at the end of the day, I know I gave my best and whatever the outcome, I feel contented.
Ask yourself this question..."What will MIT learn about me from this essay that they would not know by reading other parts of my application?" Yes, they already know that you are focused and determined. They know that you accept challenges and try to see things through. MIT does not have a reputation of accepting slackers and people who run away as soon as problems arise. Writing about this in this essay is basically a waste of an amazing opportunity for them to learn much more about you. On a scale of 1-10, this essay is a 1, not only because it provides very little new information, but mainly because it is a easy, unoriginal, go-to topic that a full 1/3 of the applicants to MIT or any other top school will also write about. - Admissions Advice Online