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"the young kids in Elementary" - COMMON APP- Extracurricular Activity Student Gov't


20mel11 1 / 3  
Nov 22, 2010   #1
Helloooo! So here's my short answer to the Common App's question regarding extracurriculars (elaborate on one of your extracurriculars in 150 words or less)

Do you think this is good? Can you get an idea of who I am and what my responsibilities consist of? I'm only focusing on one responsibility (since I don't have enough room to elaborate on more). Suggestions/comments/ideas/editing welcomed thank you!

Every morning starts the same way. As soon as I arrive to school, I make my way down to the Third Grade classroom. My eyes meet with twenty pairs of eager eyes and I am soon embraced by little arms. As School President, I am expected to be a role model around the school and especially to the young kids in Elementary. These children remind me of myself twelve years ago-it is hard to believe I was once their age, looking up to someone similar to the person I have become. Their enthusiasm serves as a constant reminder for me to always perform to the fullest of my potential and to not only be an exemplar, but to be a willing friend to the community.

Oleh 5 / 33  
Nov 22, 2010   #2
My eyes meet with twenty pairs of eager eyes ----
Word choice...eyes with eyes...sound a little redundant
again, School President...repetitive
other than that I think you are good!
OP 20mel11 1 / 3  
Nov 22, 2010   #3
thank you :)


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