Describe the world you came from-for example, your family, community or school-and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Prompt 1
My siblings begin their day at five o'clock in the morning and work under harsh labor conditions. This inspires me to attend a university because I want a better life. I want to achieve my goal of becoming a mechanical engineer. I do not want to work in a job for the rest of my life and not enjoy doing it. Enjoying work and looking forward to take challenges in a job is what I define as success. My siblings regret not getting a higher education. They motivate me by implanting the importance of schooling because they would not want to see me work hard for a low wage. Having these examples from my siblings inspires me to make good decisions. I do not want to make the same mistakes as they did. Seeing how my family backs me up in attending a university builds my confidence, knowing I can achieve it.
I am the youngest of eight children; the first to be born in the U.S. At the age of seven I had to move in with Mario, my oldest sibling, because my parents decided to return to Mexico. U.S.A is, after all, the country of opportunities; many doors open to a higher education and a decent life. To receive my education in American schools, in 1998 my brother became my legal guardian.
In the beginning it was hard not having my parents, but maintaining focus on my goals gave me the strength and audacity to keep moving forward. Since my parents have not been around for the past ten years, I have learned to become independent. I have learned to appreciate my brother Mario as my own father. In addition, it was necessary for me to have more open communication with him so that we were on the same page: academics first. As a result, I can easily converse with people whom I do not know. Entering one of the university's where there are going be classmates from all over the world, will be easy collaborating with them since I have developed good communicating skills.
When I have finally achieved my goals, I know my family will be proud. The only thing my siblings want in return from their efforts in helping me is carrying out my intended major, but I plan giving back in any possible way. After majoring, it will be easier to bring my mom and dad back to the U.S and showing them the fruits of their labor. I cannot wait for that day to arrive.
Word count: 422
Good afternoon :)
I have edited the first paragraph of your piece and also included some general comments:
"My siblings begin their day at five o'clock in the morning and work under harsh labor conditions. This inspires me to attend a university because I want a better life. I want to achieve my goal of becoming a mechanical engineer. I do not want to work in a job for the rest of my life and not enjoy doing it. Enjoying work and looking forward to taking on challenges in a job is what I define as " success." My siblings regret not getting a higher education. They motivate me by implanting the importance of schooling because they would not want to see me work hard for a low wage. Having these examples from my siblings inspires me to make good decisions. I do not want to make the same mistakes as they did. Seeing how my family backs me up in attending a university builds my confidence, believing I can achieve it."
In regards to content, I believe this piece is an adequate response to the prompt. Nice work.
Regards,
Gloria
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