Thoughts and feedback please!
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
About two years ago I started working out at the local gym, and since then I have been religiously going back four or five times a week to train. I have always been intrigued by the human physique, as I admired such bodybuilding icons as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Aziz Shavershian and Pham Woodbridge. At first aesthetics was my primary aspiration, mostly because prior to joining the gym I was a small, scrawny kid, and I wanted to transform my image so that I could gain more respect from my peers. Frankly, I just wanted to look good.
Immediately after a couple of weeks into my training I saw and felt dramatic results; my arms were a little bigger, I could lift heavy objects around that I otherwise couldn't have moved before, and my legs didn't give out after basketball practice. This newfound strength gave me a huge motivational boost. Every time I went to the gym I would push myself to pump out a couple more repetitions of an exercise than I had done in my last visit. Ironically, while my body would be in pain for a day or two, my mind felt rejuvenated afterwards. I grew to love the soreness after a good day's workout, knowing that the more destroyed my muscles felt, the faster they were going to recover and build up.
However, after a couple more months into the process I found myself face to face with the dreaded "wall" that almost all athletes are familiar with. My muscles felt like they had stopped growing, and I was stuck using the same weights over and over again without improvement. I didn't know what to do. Luckily for me, my buddy helped me fix what I was doing wrong after I informed him of my situation. He showed me his workout routine, which was continually changing and extremely demanding to the body, and I've been training extra hard ever since.
From that first week that I began my bodily endeavors till now, my passion for weight lifting has continued to remain strong. Although I am far from reaching the physical levels of Zyzz or Pham, I am confident that I have the discipline and determination to one day achieve it. In the beginning I thought of working out as just something I needed to do in order to gain muscle, but now I have come to value weight lifting more than just for the physical gains; it's the feeling of accomplishment and self-worth after each session that I truly find satisfaction in. Through body building I have found that dedication and persistence is crucial to success, and that the most important aspect of conquering a goal is self-fulfillment. That, to me, is the greatest reward.
The story is very different but attention grabbing. You should try discussing why you're so intrigued with the human body and possibly add more to that idea. Colleges want to see how you will make a contribution to their school. Discuss how your experience will make you better, and possibly talk about how this made you choose your major etc.
I think the third paragraph could just be a single sentence or two added on to the second. Just talk about how hitting that "wall" forced you to find new ways of achieving success and taught you that while results won't always be immediately apparent, dedication will persevere. Or something like that. As it is, that paragraph just makes your friend sound good for helping you out. Of course, you could always tie that in by talking about how fitness strengthened your relationships or something of the sort. Whatever you choose to do, you need to focus on how hitting that "wall" was a critical moment, or just leave it out of the essay.
Another little thing, in the second to last sentence it should say "dedication and persistence are crucial to success"
