Writing Feedback

Technology, the social life killer or saviour?

3 - They are not destroying a social network. They are improving the communication capabilities in our social networks. But I...

Writing FeedbackRobD - Dec 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010

SAT essay! Where do I see myself when I am 22. Need grammar help.

4 - As dogs are a huge part of my life I will have at least two dogs of my own....

Writing FeedbackMLE27 - Dec 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010

Importance of working conditions? Focus on products or working conditions?

3 - In the first paragraph, the words "benefit" and "product" should both probably have an s at the end. However,...

Writing Feedbackhoangdaochu - Nov 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 16, 2010

It takes a village to raise a child; children education for the community

3 - Very good feedback :-). Point noted, especially about the "etc." bit. Thanks a lot....

Writing Feedbacksubhash_ghosh - Dec 13, 2010 / subhash_ghosh - Dec 16, 2010

Toefl essay:Parents are the best teachers.

2 - the first sentence could be " Parent are best teachers to person instead of people, parent are best teachers...

Writing Feedbackpk1726 - Dec 16, 2010 / tunguoge - Dec 16, 2010

I will be someone someday as my father wanted me to!

NEW - Tut Gai 11/22/1980 Essays Topic B Under tree classroom My parents were cattle headers and farmers neither of...

Writing Feedbacktunguoge - Dec 16, 2010 / — -

The thriving Cold Cone Creamery Franchise in California

2 - The speaker avers that Cold Cone Creamery Business will... Also, the statement further prompts people to avail themselves...

Writing Feedbacksubhash_ghosh - Dec 13, 2010 / EF_Susan - Dec 15, 2010

"the weather seemed more predictable from year to year" - Global Warming Essay

2 - The occurrence of natural disasters has increased, and seasonal weather has become irregular. There are two sides to...

Writing Feedbackdanielle94534 - Dec 13, 2010 / EF_Susan - Dec 15, 2010

India's Possible Rise in the 21st Century above the West - Globalization Paper

2 - Like the former globalization, it also depends on the cheap labor of Indians, and like it, there is still...

Writing Feedbackjyu104 - Dec 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 14, 2010

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of media for communicating information

2 - Media per se is a powerful communicating tool for human beings. ---This sentence is obvious, and obvious things are...

Writing Feedbackpsebastian56 - Dec 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 14, 2010

"Undecided girl can dream" - College essay

NEW - Every seven-year-old girl has a dream. Some want to be princesses, a few may want to be cowgirls or...

Writing Feedbacksoccer123 - Dec 13, 2010 / — -

ILLEGAL ENTRANCE - An Incident From my Life

3 - great help men thanks a lot !...

Writing Feedbackmertak - Nov 25, 2010 / mertak - Dec 13, 2010

"Does a zoo have any useful purpose?"

5 - azaaza is a good writer, haaa Beside a zoo has educational benefit also it has amusing and entertaining...

Writing Feedbackabdrabou - Dec 4, 2010 / andygu - Dec 13, 2010

TOEFL: Boys and girls should attend separate schools

11 - Thank you Bobur. I'll do my best the next time....

Writing FeedbackSiva071 - Dec 1, 2010 / NIBEK - Dec 12, 2010

"work nowadays is more stressful and less leisurely than in the past" IELTS essay two

10 - psebastian56 However, it does not relive the current stressful working situation that may change the attitude of the people...

Writing Feedbacksisiyunjao - Dec 6, 2010 / sisiyunjao - Dec 11, 2010

Essay about children's changes in eating habits

3 - You can say it is your opinion without using 1st person like I or my. Since the prompt is...

Writing Feedbackmelita - Nov 23, 2010 / jennay99 - Dec 10, 2010

The importance of students' sports activities

3 - However, universities should give more money to students' sports activities than they give to their university libraries. Students will...

Writing Feedbackwhitney - Nov 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 10, 2010

My Little 'Buddha'

6 - Like Buddha who even didn't speak a word against the pundit,mM y player did not respondkept calm in response...

Writing Feedbackdhunjunikesh - Dec 7, 2010 / dumi - Dec 9, 2010

"the obesity epidemic in America" - Anthropology Essay

NEW - "I couldn't open up a magazine, you couldn't read a newspaper, you couldn't turn on the TV without hearing...

Writing Feedbackalswn95 - Dec 9, 2010 / — -

"Where is the Line Defined?" - Argumentative Essay-no OUTSIDE SOURCES!

3 - At the end of the first paragraph I am wondering why this is worth writing about. It would...

Writing Feedbackericao2010 - Nov 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 9, 2010

Reiterate: this is the utopia.

NEW - The concept of an utopia that embedded in my heart is a place that is repleted with the collaboration...

Writing FeedbackMobimobipopo - Dec 8, 2010 / — -

"The attraction of New York City" - A meaningful Place

7 - My most favorite place has ... In order to stay on topic, you need to establish a topic...

Writing FeedbackKathyLala - Nov 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 7, 2010

It's neither possible nor desirable to do the same job throughout work lives - IELTS

4 - thank you so so much!!!! CHONG :)...

Writing Feedbacksweetheart87 - Nov 23, 2010 / sweetheart87 - Dec 7, 2010

what causes students to cheat on the tests?

3 - Hi again...i think, while using the word 'Consequently', you'd better aviod asking questions. In conclusion part you should give...

Writing Feedbackazaaza - Dec 6, 2010 / Bobur - Dec 7, 2010

People are starving, but money is spent on pets

4 - This is a great thread! Thanks, everyone....

Writing Feedbacktuanphong892009 - Nov 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 5, 2010

9/11 and Art Essay: Revise/Edit what i have so far.

2 - Songs were written. Paintings were painted. Poems were recited. Photos and videos were taken. This whole sentence has...

Writing Feedbackcaudet89 - Nov 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 5, 2010

Importance of One Parent Stay Home with Their Young Children For The First Few Years

2 - Today, young people in every part of the world hope to have successful success in their jobs ....

Writing Feedbackthunguyen88 - Nov 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 5, 2010

"the percentage of each source of energy used in America" IELTS Writing task 1

NEW - The given two graphs illustrate the percentage of each source of energy used in America during the period of...

Writing Feedbackmoondikasina - Dec 5, 2010 / — -

About "climate change and Fossil fuels" - what is causing climate change, human role

NEW - Examine the role of one human activity in causing climate change, and discuss how further deterioration may be prevented...

Writing Feedbackwsyzoscar - Dec 5, 2010 / — -

Essay about concerns with education; students not learning helpful material- feedback

2 - Education is one of my personal concerns. ----boring first sentence... not much meaning. It is just informative. "I...

Writing Feedbackleesharshukov - Nov 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 4, 2010

Essay about proving that experience is greater than books. - Feedback

2 - We try to use gender-inclusive sentences, here, so if you are going to address sirs address madams, too!...

Writing FeedbackEssayfreak - Nov 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 3, 2010

"Forget How to Remember" - College Essay Idea Rough Draft

2 - ...began to stir up a wind every time they passed me. It was a wind so strong, it lifted...

Writing FeedbackD Kneco - Nov 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 3, 2010

Some want independence and some prefer to live with thier families ,which you prefer?

2 - You should practice typinf each of these sentences 10 times so that you remember the correct grammar: Nowadays...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Nov 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 3, 2010

In Barnaul youth will be interested in theatre

2 - Creative group "Project-41", working on base of «Regional palace of youth", has begun preparation of socially significant PR-project "Theatrical...

Writing Feedbacknathalie1912 - Nov 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 3, 2010

"there is more to life than just reality TV shows" -Argumentative Paper on Television

2 - So the outline of your paper is: Introduction: points to why it is bad to watch TV Body 1:...

Writing Feedbackkangi - Dec 3, 2010 / Cloud_Tek9 - Dec 3, 2010

Drawbacks of unpaid work and recommendations to improve it.

2 - Along with the enthusiasm that a person gets, there may also be existing unfavorable conditions. in line with this,...

Writing Feedbackbrenda - Nov 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 2, 2010

The advantages of pursuing dreams rather than giving up on them - TEOFL

2 - human is a single person so you should use human being or use a human 'but my...

Writing Feedbackjasminebi - Dec 1, 2010 / vaishali1980 - Dec 2, 2010

Classify TV programs - classification essay type

2 - 'Entertainment is the most favorite for many people' you can use this sentence as ' Many people watch TV...

Writing Feedbackthaitam - Dec 1, 2010 / vaishali1980 - Dec 2, 2010

Ielts essay; I believe that companies' changing employees is acceptable.

3 - The fourth paragraph is similar to second one. My suggestion is that you can conbine both in one paragragh....

Writing Feedbackphuocqui - Nov 27, 2010 / riny - Dec 2, 2010

'younger need thrill in their life' - young people enjoy life more than older

2 - they lost interest in learning new things and experienced about thrill. Older people thinks try to accomplish...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Dec 2, 2010 / riny - Dec 2, 2010

''The critical analysis of being an international manager'' - compare cultures

4 - The role of an international manager requires involves several requirements. In this essay I will like explain...

Writing FeedbackFaiza79 - Nov 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2010

The meaning of success is complex and individuals define it to suit their personal achievements

2 - The genuine meaning of success is complex and individuals define it to suit their personal achievements. Success can simply...

Writing Feedbackmdipeolu - Nov 30, 2010 / kawaiikoinu - Nov 30, 2010

The knowledge we acquire outside of school is the most important.

2 - Nowadays, there are two opinions concernedconcerning the importance of school. [ Some hold that our most important lessons are...

Writing Feedbackwhitney - Nov 28, 2010 / kawaiikoinu - Nov 30, 2010

Does the development of technology lead to environmental pollution and energy crisis?

2 - I think your essay is a bit harsh...it sounds like you think science and technology is (maybe a bit...

Writing Feedbackseiya152 - Nov 23, 2010 / elisabeths - Nov 30, 2010

Filling the Gap: Legalizing Organ Trade (Persuasive Essay)

2 - Only about 20,000 received them that year, while over 7,000 people died when new organs would have saved them....

Writing FeedbackFlying_Pie - Nov 23, 2010 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2010

Déjŕ vu, I did it in reality - boyfriend essay story

5 - okay thanks for your help =D and no thiis wasn't for a collage applicatio it's a personal narrative....

Writing Feedbackbluechick54 - Nov 28, 2010 / bluechick54 - Nov 30, 2010

Increasing Number of Strays Causes Threat to Shelters and Organizations

3 - Hi Evelyn, you write very well! The solution to your problem is to get more raw material for the...

Writing FeedbackBellaItalia088 - Nov 21, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 29, 2010

A new factory will be built in your hometown, do you agree or disagree?

3 - your essay is good but you did not write following a thesis-led. I think you should give more reasons...

Writing Feedbackriny - Nov 29, 2010 / huongvt - Nov 29, 2010

Raw food vs Cooked food - How's my intro?

13 - That's okay! A lot of people will be able to learn from this thread in the future. Thanks, everyone......

Writing FeedbackA00226270 - Nov 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 28, 2010

"The media has the power to instill ideas" - National/Local Concern Prompt

2 - No need for the comma in the first sentence. The first paragraph is a little off-putting because a...

Writing FeedbackDeadmaster - Nov 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2010

Peer pressure - "OUR DESIRE TO CONFIRM IS GREATER THAN OUR RESPECT FOR OTHER OBJECTS"

2 - You are always allowed to put these two together as one word: cannot Most people cannot Here...

Writing Feedbacknigeria - Nov 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2010

should students have part-time jobs while studying?

3 - This is pretty good! One way to improve your writing is to make a longer intro paragraph and a...

Writing Feedbackcamthangtu - Nov 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2010

Getting message from different news resources to understand events under more objective perspective.

10 - Well, it's probably okay. I sometimes say the same things to different people, because sometimes people need the...

Writing FeedbackStridercoo - Nov 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2010

'My friend, Park - someone' has taught me more about the importance of life than else

2 - this is what i got from your essay. Park, a unique friend of mine who doesn't give up...

Writing Feedbacktjdduq1213 - Nov 20, 2010 / danado0ona - Nov 27, 2010

"yeah, i socialize with scum" (anarchic, autistic, messy )

7 - don't get me wrong. i'm not anti-social. i want a NEW society. full of love and solidarity. ...

Writing FeedbackHalfred C - Nov 25, 2010 / Halfred C - Nov 27, 2010

The Effects of Love (A Cause/Effect Paper)

2 - Eighteen years old is not too old for any kind of love, puppy or otherwise. After all, "puppy...

Writing Feedbackcucciola21 - Nov 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2010

Government should sponsor to build up museum and theatre .

4 - As to whether government should sponsor on the building of a museum and a theatre, the public holds...

Writing Feedbackwhitney - Nov 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2010

Is the ability to tolerate problems as important as the ability to fix them

2 - I'll give some more corrections. Please practice every correction by typing the sentence 10 times. That is the way...

Writing Feedbacksgl - Nov 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2010

Alcoholism vs. other addiction - Compare and contrast

5 - I don't think it is helpful to begin the essay with a sentence about addiction types being ample....

Writing Feedbackanb_duck - Nov 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2010

Experience of children with divorced parents (proficiency exercise)

NEW - In many years,there has been a growing problem about children with divorced parents experience more difficulties among families not...

Writing Feedbackmervischsouth - Nov 26, 2010 / — -

Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 335)