Writing Feedback

WESTERN CULTURE AND ITS INFLUENCE ON OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD

3 - Predominantly, westerners colonize (you cannot colonize a mentality)... ...Western culture influences the mentality of all people across the...

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 3, 2010

TOURIST DESTINATION: Tourism has negative effect on certain destinations.

4 - Choose singular or plural: Being a responsible citizen, I am bound to preserve the natural bounty beauty for...

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 3, 2010

HUNGER AND INSURGENCE: IELTS TASK 2

3 - leaps and bounds I feel like a sentence is missing from that first paragraph. It'll be great to...

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 3, 2010

SPACE EXPLORATION IS A WASTEFUL ACTIVITY - AGREE?

5 - That is interesting! Thanks for sharing this informative and thoughtful essay. Here is one more correction: Instead...

Writing Feedbackupul - Sep 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 3, 2010

Should share employees a company's profit, not just senior managers. Agree or disagre

4 - It is widely understood that employees represent an indispensable part of a company. Therefore, it is reasonable to...

Writing Feedbackthaitam - Sep 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 3, 2010

TOEFL: Artists have the capability of soothing the minds of the people.

3 - Humankind is usually a better word than mankind. It is encouraging to acknowledge that the people of our...

Writing Feedbackdil - Sep 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 3, 2010

Strong morality and good familial background of a political leader?

3 - i agreed, but shorten the essay to let people read clearly...

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 30, 2010 / alexngyz - Oct 3, 2010

Toefl essay : The most important leader in your country.

5 - Hi Wupi, I think your essay is good. I'm very happy because I've already known about a perfect King...

Writing Feedbackscarecrowd - Oct 1, 2010 / dtth - Oct 3, 2010

School Uniforms would decrease the violence in schools: GRE Perspective Essay

3 - Thanks Susan for your feedback! Same here, 4 years of school uniforms :)...

Writing Feedbackradwa - Sep 30, 2010 / radwa - Oct 2, 2010

TOEFL Essay - food (stand/restaurant or home)

5 - alahakon, roshan and priyanka thank for your suggestions! i need to practise more and more to improve my vocabulary......

Writing Feedbackecmagalhaes - Oct 1, 2010 / ecmagalhaes - Oct 2, 2010

Advantages and disadvantages of the Internet for an average person?

5 - This last sentence needs to be managed a little better. It is awkward and unwieldy, like a large box...

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 2, 2010

Characteristics of caring people. How did they influence you?

5 - ...my best friends, mentors and role models.---- Right after this sentence I think you should add a thesis statement...

Writing Feedbackcarlynnross - Sep 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 2, 2010

Having two children VS. Having More than two children in every family

6 - Do you know this? It has been found that child's great part of the mental development is completed...

Writing Feedbackophogh - Sep 25, 2010 / asokapalama - Oct 2, 2010

Essay about what is science 250-300 words

3 - Is it everything (a noun) or is it "to discover" (a verb)? I think you should revise that intro...

Writing Feedbackruiz09 - Sep 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 2, 2010

Compulsory education for children between the ages of 5 and 15

6 - Hi, I guess one of the few obvious problems would be that education is expensive. Not all countries...

Writing Feedbackdtth - Oct 1, 2010 / singcarcom - Oct 2, 2010

TOEFL; Objective of attending school

4 - Thanks Mark and Do. It was my first attempt. However it took 39 minutes altogether. (Writing and refining) I...

Writing Feedbackrosh - Oct 1, 2010 / rosh - Oct 1, 2010

The Holy Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia - essay describing a place you like to visit.

5 - Other than the corrections other people have previously pointed out, I don't see any. I loved the way your...

Writing FeedbackZubaida - Sep 27, 2010 / aaliyah613 - Oct 1, 2010

"If I cannot have freedom, I'd rather not be alive": GRE issue essay

3 - It is one of the essential rights all human beings are entitled to, apart from the infernal ones that...

Writing Feedbackradwa - Sep 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 1, 2010

IELTS - large financial benefits for successful sports professionals

2 - Hi Do Ray! Let's start with the second paragraph -- the first couple of sentences: As I mentioned...

Writing Feedbackfordragon - Oct 1, 2010 / mea505 - Oct 1, 2010

Toefl essay: the contents of TV, movies, games influence young people's behavior.

2 - Hi Wipu again! Boy -- you certainly are writing a lot these days! I must tell you...

Writing Feedbackscarecrowd - Oct 1, 2010 / mea505 - Oct 1, 2010

Essay to describe your brother (Marcos)

6 - thank you all! =)...

Writing Feedbackecmagalhaes - Sep 30, 2010 / ecmagalhaes - Sep 30, 2010

V-chip to block TV channels by parents - agree or disagree?

5 - Thanks for all the ideas that helping me on my essay, especially Mark, you have helped me with my...

Writing FeedbackKathyLala - Sep 29, 2010 / KathyLala - Sep 30, 2010

toefl; Internet had negative effects on civilization

5 - "Escalate" usually refers to something that is "going" or "moving" or "happening" so it is not the best word...

Writing Feedbackjag - Sep 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 30, 2010

Saudi Arabia - one important thing about your country that you would change?

4 - This is a great thread! Thanks everyone. I'll offer some advice below. Zainab, I'm glad you joined, and...

Writing Feedbackzooba - Sep 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 30, 2010

Toefl essay : "Good teachers set challenging tasks for their students?"

2 - Hi Wipu -- As you can see from the first paragraph alone -- while your essay is...

Writing Feedbackscarecrowd - Sep 30, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 30, 2010

Parents? It depends on the circumstances of the child, to determine who is the best teacher

5 - Hi George, I have changed the first paragraph of the essay, hoping that you can read it...

Writing FeedbackGeorgesebastian - Sep 26, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 30, 2010

Is studying HISTORY important in the modern world?

2 - Our modern world has placed lesser emphasis on learning the history of our existence which has been creating bigger(GREATER)...

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 30, 2010 / kaityh - Sep 30, 2010

Is it important to maintain the extended relative relationship?

2 - Hi! I read through your essay, then I read through some of Kwang's corrections that were made in...

Writing Feedbackfucenying435503 - Sep 30, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 30, 2010

Modern environmental issues cannot be tackled by one person - Essay for TOEFL

4 - Hi, I like your essay. It has good points. However, since you practise for toefl, it is better that...

Writing Feedbackaltus - Sep 19, 2010 / dil - Sep 30, 2010

Choice, privacy, and books: The influence of literature on modern society

2 - Hi Edward! I made a few corrections to your short essay. There are some sentences that, perhaps, need...

Writing Feedbackeddiev - Sep 30, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 30, 2010

Toefl; History/Literature vs Maths/ Science

3 - Hi! Sure, we can offer a different perspective on your essay, but it would be far better (first) if...

Writing Feedbackdil - Sep 27, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 30, 2010

IELTS -Weather it is pointless to keep the traditional skills and ways of life alive

16 - Poland is great! for me..HK or netherlands..either is ok``...

Writing Feedbackfordragon - Sep 18, 2010 / fordragon - Sep 30, 2010

The question is "How have you changed in the last five years?"

6 - Oh, really? Actually, I don't really know how to express that. I always type "hihi..."to my friends. Thank you...

Writing FeedbackTomomi - Sep 20, 2010 / Tomomi - Sep 29, 2010

People are materialistic and work-oriented: PERCEIVED HARDSHIPS

3 - Thank you so much for your help. I will revise this....

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 22, 2010 / shofa_nefertete - Sep 29, 2010

TRANSITIONS IN LIFE - taking them with optimism or hatred

5 - thank u so much. I have some problems during revision stage of my essays. I think I need your...

Writing Feedbackshofa_nefertete - Sep 22, 2010 / shofa_nefertete - Sep 29, 2010

compare team sports and individual sports

5 - thank you so much guys !...

Writing Feedbackdaini219 - Sep 23, 2010 / daini219 - Sep 29, 2010

We face lot of global problems. Good relations b/w nations is important. Agree or not

2 - Today,we face problems like global warming and terrorism which are having a deterring effect on our society progress.--- you...

Writing Feedbackvarun87 - Sep 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 29, 2010

Task 1: (Australian and British cinema Markets and cinema admissions)

2 - Overall, the U.S. films were the most popular shown by both Australian and British people, and it is clear...

Writing Feedbackjeemi - Sep 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 29, 2010

NARRATIVE ESSAY ON :LEAVING HOME

2 - We always want them in our every moment of our life, whether a t our dejection or exhilaration, but...

Writing Feedbackktmrocker - Sep 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 29, 2010

machines are really useful if you get them rightly; but simple work by hand

4 - Oh, many mistakes at my essay, next time I will be more carefully. Thanks for checking!! :)...

Writing Feedbackbuzzlightyer - Sep 22, 2010 / buzzlightyer - Sep 29, 2010

What's in it for the World - Persuasive Essay

2 - Hey Scott, I'm sorry I did not get to help sooner! I guess I agree. Also,...

Writing FeedbackSWNP - Sep 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 29, 2010

Younger school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math

5 - Hi，Kevin! Thank you so much!ａｎｄ　Ｉ　ａｍ　ｓｕｒｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｑｕｏｔｅ　ｉｓ　ｒｉｇｈｔ～ｈａ～　...

Writing Feedbacktshml1990 - Sep 25, 2010 / tshml1990 - Sep 29, 2010

trying new things or doing the same?

5 - I think a good way to add value to your essay would be to back it with examples. You...

Writing Feedbackrosh - Sep 25, 2010 / carlynnross - Sep 29, 2010

Knowledge of book is mandatory to learning new things as well as to continue old incomplete research

3 - Despite theory gives deep knowledge about particular subject, there is no use of that theory if it is not...

Writing Feedbackjems007 - Sep 28, 2010 / jems007 - Sep 29, 2010

TOEFL: Luck Vs Hard work; Which is better? luck may disappoint you easly

5 - Thanks Tomomi...

Writing Feedbacksuve - Sep 28, 2010 / suve - Sep 29, 2010

Spending money on people's basic requirements or travelling to space

3 - Keep it consistent like this: I support the idea of investing money on uplifting the living standards rather than...

Writing Feedbackophogh - Sep 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 29, 2010

I prefer to let children go for a paid work especially for those who need to earn a living

3 - You mean I should support the second view with more sentences and evidences? I'll try. But the biggest...

Writing Feedbackfordragon - Sep 28, 2010 / fordragon - Sep 28, 2010

IELTS: what sort of knowledge should universities provide to graduates?

8 - I still think that the student should re-work the essay and make it on point, so that it better...

Writing FeedbackVeruska - Sep 23, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 28, 2010

Cars should not be allowed to enter the city center do you agree or disagree?

2 - Hi alahakon! It's you again, eh? You can see from the essay below that it needs some work....

Writing Feedbackn_tina59 - Sep 28, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 28, 2010

TOEFL:Pets should be treated like family & Reasons for why it is so

2 - pets have become people's favorite. People will take care of animals if they are interested in adopting...

Writing Feedbackjems007 - Sep 28, 2010 / fordragon - Sep 28, 2010

Communicating information has been a primary and constant necessity for people

5 - Thanks. I've found that DUE TO is a nice phrase`...

Writing Feedbackfordragon - Sep 7, 2010 / fordragon - Sep 28, 2010

The importance of a computer to college students

NEW - Technology has been dramatically developed worldwide so far in most of social life aspects, especially Internet and telecommunication. In...

Writing Feedbackcandynguyen381 - Sep 28, 2010 / — -

The employees would not stay in one job for various reasons. It's inappropriate.

4 - I also found that if the word "overhead" were to be changed with "liability," the sentence(s) might sound better....

Writing Feedbackjag - Sep 28, 2010 / mea505 - Sep 28, 2010

TOEFL: good qualities of a good neighbor; enthusiastic, easy-going, reliable

4 - Mark, thank you soooooo much! your opinions help a lot. Yeah, you are right. I do lose control of...

Writing Feedbackchristie111 - Sep 26, 2010 / christie111 - Sep 28, 2010

The importance of vocational guide in secondary school

4 - Thanh you two very much ^^! I'm not good at using tenses....

Writing FeedbackAlamanda Bud - Sep 18, 2010 / Alamanda Bud - Sep 28, 2010

My Morning Cup of Coffee essay - check for grammar, and spelling!

2 - Hi Hannah, I don't really get what you said in this sentence. "The only thing worse than not...

Writing Feedbackhannah16 - Sep 27, 2010 / Tomomi - Sep 28, 2010

Learning with teachers or learning by ourselves. Which do you prefer?

4 - Thank you very much for helping my essay :-x...

Writing Feedbackprettybear94 - Sep 22, 2010 / prettybear94 - Sep 28, 2010

Narrative: an exciting protagonist in Toy Story 2.

2 - The story is built around the protagonist in that the protagonist is always taking the initiative. ------This is a...

Writing Feedbacksoul9 - Sep 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 27, 2010

TOEFL; Decisions should be made alone or not

6 - You take a step, but you MAKE a decision. ...if they are not made after careful thought. ...

Writing Feedbackjag - Sep 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 27, 2010

a one-page essay (how you relax after getting home from school or work.)

5 - What I Do When I Get Home When I get home every day from my school at 1:30,...

Writing FeedbackZubaida - Sep 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Sep 27, 2010

Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 339)