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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 339)

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eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa), introductory paragraph

10 - Aha! We stumped the moderator. This calls for a vampire laugh. MMUUUAHAHA...

Writing Feedbackshan - Mar 2, 2009 / Gautama - Mar 5, 2009
"Unexpected Change" essay

6 - You've got some good stuff, but I'm not sure your last paragraph fits with the rest of the essay....

Writing Feedbackkatj21 - Feb 28, 2009 / akern - Mar 5, 2009
Shopping is a necessity in our life

5 - What exactly is the point of your essay? You say you like shopping, but you also say shopping can...

Writing Feedbackjurgita - Mar 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
Castin Characters #1: Jim

8 - haha yeah i know sean...thats kinda smart too....

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Mar 2, 2009 / newsha31 - Mar 4, 2009
Lit Review (Borderline Personality Disorder)

3 - Your main problem is that, if BPD is rooted in genetic and biological factors, then it is difficult to...

Writing FeedbackChicitaGatita - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
Reading - My favorite subject essay

6 - Kevin's advice is great. That would turn the essay into an essay on your favorite books, which, if you...

Writing Feedbackmystery200 - Mar 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
Jame Joyce's Portrait

11 - If this is supposed to be a literary essay, you have some more work to do. The essay doesn't...

Writing FeedbackNecrovex - Mar 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
A creation of the mind - "Imagination" essay

7 - You might want to start by defining what you mean by imagination, then discuss how it both contrasts with...

Writing Feedbackbugsy444 - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
Write a short story in which the central character is a rebellious teenager

6 - I usually start with a date or a quote to grab the readers attention but I'll try that next...

Writing Feedback_cartwheel_ - Feb 28, 2009 / _cartwheel_ - Mar 4, 2009
"Green Jeans" / "The love of my life" / "Fathers" - rhetorical essays (finals)

9 - No, it's about being able to identify with a certain disposition or sequence of thoughts. It's about capturing a...

Writing Feedbackjoey2dawn - Feb 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2009
Short Story (heart still aches for Darren)

6 - This is a wonderfully written narrative essay. You have a great style and sense of important details. However, I...

Writing Feedback_cartwheel_ - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 1, 2009
Reaction paper (reaction to the hotel we just visited)

5 - I liked it but it was a bit simple. What was this essay for?...

Writing Feedbackeng1 - Feb 25, 2009 / _cartwheel_ - Feb 28, 2009
Essay on equal gender in university

4 - I don't know how hight the standards are for IELTS, but this is looking very good. Implement Sean's changes,...

Writing Feedbackpupi - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 28, 2009
When I am in uncertainty I feel my emotions at their strongest

5 - You are second guessing this eassay? I loved it. I could visualize everything happening as I read. Slap on...

Writing Feedbackfitz1901 - Feb 26, 2009 / GHouse - Feb 27, 2009
FIRST NARRATIVE ESSAY (The Miserable Girl)

8 - HI Thank you very much for your useful help and suggestions. Yassin...

Writing FeedbackYassin - Feb 22, 2009 / Yassin - Feb 25, 2009
motherhood (Motherhood is Amazing)

3 - I believe Being a mother is a most extraordinary gift, yet it brings challenges that ca be difficult to...

Writing Feedbackpurfec8gel - Feb 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 24, 2009
Not Mr. Towers, he and his family watched TV; Narrative Essay

8 - Adding dialogue would also be a great way to add more conflict. Perhaps at the beginning of your essay,...

Writing FeedbackCTowers - Feb 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 24, 2009
People are Living Longer (causes of this phenomenon)

3 - The list can be interminably long but here are some of the most important ones: Discovery of red blood...

Writing Feedbackoto - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 22, 2009
Math is Crucial for Society

6 - The title suggestion isn't bad. Perhaps you could try "Let my experience of the world be my best source...

Writing Feedbackligfsing - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 22, 2009
Midsummer Night's Dream Character Essays

5 - Better. Now, take all of the references you make to specific passages [Act 2 scene I line 30-35 ,...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Feb 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 22, 2009
Yet another essay on television...

6 - This is very good, you have alot of talent. I wish my teacher let me write first-person, or even...

Writing Feedbackakern - Feb 15, 2009 / drmemo - Feb 20, 2009
Help rewriting Lead paragraph and Conclusion - Computer History Paper

12 - History is definite? Really? You can't find any example of disagreements among historians on any topic whatsoever? Lol! Everything...

Writing Feedbacktycheongster - Feb 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 19, 2009
Experiencing a rescue just in time

2 - I wanted to get some fresh air, so I joined with the group and went with them. What...

Writing Feedbackceberus - Feb 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 19, 2009
Analysis of an Art Piece, Creativity of Re-Use essay

3 - Hey now, I remember that formal analysis involves a specific set of instructions, probably given by your teacher. Here...

Writing FeedbackSomeone18 - Feb 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 19, 2009
Critic my "Education" essay

3 - It can be used to advance oneself to a successful career; many college students are doing just that, but...

Writing Feedbackbluek7 - Feb 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 19, 2009
How many money was spend on different forms of entertainment over a five - year period.

3 - thanks a lot... I am so appreciate...

Writing Feedbackpamfan0810 - Feb 17, 2009 / pamfan0810 - Feb 19, 2009
wording problems in a paragraph

6 - I originally meant to write "not get what I want," and have edited my original post to reflect that....

Writing FeedbackNoob in writing - Feb 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 18, 2009
"Where is my Desktop screen?"

4 - Good work!I just wish I could write like you....

Writing Feedbackjameslihaochi - Feb 14, 2009 / melat - Feb 18, 2009
We should discuss the balance of the life quality and the powerful tourism

7 - thanks...this website is really amazing...

Writing Feedbackpamfan0810 - Feb 15, 2009 / pamfan0810 - Feb 17, 2009
Essay: Who is more important in the family? Mother or Father?

7 - Man, this was a nice essay. I really felt in tone with some of the stuff you wrote. Keep...

Writing Feedbackceberus - Feb 11, 2009 / GHouse - Feb 17, 2009
English Class -- persuasive essay -- School Uniforms

3 - Hey, now! You can have an upbeat attitude while wearing your soccer uniform,or any other uniform associated with...

Writing Feedbackdrasagon - Feb 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 17, 2009
Thesis Statement About Things I Like

4 - This site is an excellent resource. The mods always give great advice....

Writing FeedbackGHouse - Feb 16, 2009 / arbennett - Feb 17, 2009
Essay On Comparisons of Trials and Their Respective Jury Proceedings

4 - If you are going to use 12 Angry Men as the text, you need to find a trial where...

Writing FeedbackSeanMasih - Feb 12, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 17, 2009
Honours Social Work (privilege, power)

5 - I will discuss the P.C.S levels of power drawn on by Foucault's interpretation of power together with an understanding......

Writing Feedbacknaomi - Feb 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 16, 2009
"I was running" essay. Grammar and punctuation help.

7 - thanks akern, really good advice. :)...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Feb 11, 2009 / newsha31 - Feb 15, 2009
Geo Project - Vehicles in the Lower Mainland

3 - Hi Pedro, The conclusion should be tell how this all adds up. After you researched the work that...

Writing Feedbackvipao - Feb 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 15, 2009
PERSONAL ESSAY what books and reading mean to me

5 - Knowing I will soon enter into the life of a University student -- if I get accepted, that is...

Writing Feedbackhannahkim91 - Feb 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 13, 2009
Living a simple but meaningful life is a lifestyle which you must choose.

7 - Thank you. I did make many revisons and changed the thesis around. I restrcured the essay and narrowed my...

Writing Feedbackjasonmuraira - Feb 10, 2009 / jasonmuraira - Feb 12, 2009
The first time i crossed the road by myself

5 - ... and for a six year old ice cream is not something to just let go of. The sun...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Feb 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2009
Essay on describing a scene in my life (that last time i saw my friends)

7 - For the hundredth time on that night my hand slipped down into my purse;... My heart calmed, although...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Feb 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 12, 2009
Essay on empty space; I live a fast paced life

6 - If I went outside of my room, their laid the television... change to: there laid the television... ...

Writing Feedbackfitz1901 - Jan 29, 2009 / SeanMasih - Feb 12, 2009
Essay: A Crab in the Sand

5 - I loved this essay. You do a fantastic job of letting the reader know what exactly was going on....

Writing FeedbackJoey11235 - Feb 11, 2009 / SeanMasih - Feb 12, 2009
Short Essay on Modern day televison watching.

5 - YES! That is a great way to explain it: Find the way your points are interconnected, and the transitions,...

Writing Feedbackakern - Feb 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 10, 2009
All About Me, A COMPILATION OF MY THOUGHTS

4 - Thank you Sean and Kevin! Yes it is a bit difficult to critique an "about me" paper. But...

Writing FeedbackSeanMasih - Feb 9, 2009 / SeanMasih - Feb 10, 2009
If criminals have punishments that are not severe enough, it may encourage people to commit crimes

7 - hi thanks a lot...I rewrite this...it might be closer my opinion I find out my logic sometimes very strange...

Writing Feedbackpamfan0810 - Feb 6, 2009 / pamfan0810 - Feb 10, 2009
Essay on theories as to why one might be service orientated and others not.

3 - You might want to discuss what you mean by service-oriented a bit more. For instance, would you consider someone...

Writing Feedbackjenfkb - Feb 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 10, 2009
Kouzes and Posner's practices within a leadership event.

3 - The essay seems on-topic to me. If the "five main practices" you mention in the intro have sub-steps, as...

Writing Feedbackharperme - Feb 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 10, 2009
Supposedly we, young people, are no longer interested in religion, and thus losing belief in God.

5 - To stay on topic, you might want to deal with the issue of belief. People who really believe in...

Writing Feedbackceberus - Feb 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 10, 2009
"The Great Gatsby is seen in two ways" - Help with Essay Writing -

10 - Hello! If someone pastes material from other websites, it causes problems for us and can possibly lead to...

Writing Feedbacksara213 - Oct 9, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2009
Education Through My Eyes

4 - Thank you very much for your replies. They have really helped me a lot. Thanks Again....

Writing Feedbackmllaury - Feb 3, 2009 / mllaury - Feb 9, 2009
Domestic Abuse (persuasive essay)

3 - Wow, Sean gives really excellent feedback. To me, and perhaps to other readers, this is a valuable piece of...

Writing FeedbackTiffiny9880 - Feb 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 6, 2009
How does Singapore compete with emerging markets in attracting FDI

2 - Singapore has an open and export-oriented economy It is unwise to plan FDI strategy without taking trade into...

Writing Feedbackultraman365 - Feb 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 5, 2009
TOEFL: 'the things are simple' - Childhood is the happiest time of people's life

5 - Stylistically, you might also want to consider combining some of your sentences so that you have a few longer...

Writing Feedbackpope4e - Feb 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 4, 2009
Grammar check for AOI paper (political struggles in history)

3 - Overall a good job. Some minor fixes, in addition to Kevin's: "In addition to that I have traveled...

Writing FeedbackTaka014 - Feb 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 3, 2009
Teachers should encourage their students to question everything - essay

5 - EF_Kevin, thanks for your corrections, they are very useful to me....

Writing Feedbackdragon - Feb 2, 2009 / dragon - Feb 3, 2009
Essay About Malcolm X

3 - After the collection of a great number of words, he had no problem understanding books, and thus he began...

Writing Feedbackmingbaau - Feb 1, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 2, 2009
USC Cinematic Arts Essay (Emotionally Intense Moment)

5 - Thank Kevin! The help is much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it....

Writing FeedbackZagayer - Jan 29, 2009 / Zagayer - Jan 31, 2009
College Dropout Rates - vause & Effect Essay in 3rd person, need direction

5 - ""She had spent countless hours filling out admissions and scholarship applications, talked about all the details of campus and...

Writing FeedbackDenise - Jan 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jan 31, 2009
Introductory Paragraph: Mary Shelley and Frankenstein

6 - I would suggest starting with something more specific, instead of a general statement about personal triumphs and tragedy. Of...

Writing FeedbackInnocuity - Jan 28, 2009 / Zagayer - Jan 29, 2009
Essay on different customs between the US and Korea

3 - Sean is right, this is a list of cultural differences. I know you aren't finished with it, but what...

Writing FeedbackDayna - Jan 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 27, 2009

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