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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 348)

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Regret (the graffiti walls in the cell) - manslaughter essay

4 - WOW, is all I can say. The real, raw emotions that come with such a powerful essay was overwhelming...

Writing FeedbackShane Valesquez - Oct 24, 2010 / donkeykong98732 - Oct 28, 2010
"encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school" - agree?

NEW - In some countries people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting...

Writing FeedbackFarnaz - Oct 28, 2010 / — -
Should people never be satisfied with what they have? Jane Austine's pride

3 - Thank you very much!!!...

Writing Feedbackrenyu199014 - Oct 27, 2010 / renyu199014 - Oct 28, 2010
Dou agree with keeping traditional skills alive?

6 - Thank you Kevin, I'll fix this essay....

Writing Feedbackriny - Oct 22, 2010 / riny - Oct 27, 2010
Innovation and technology" report on advertisement essay

2 - number agree =ment: Innovation and technology; these are the cornerstones of our modern... ...with the associated attributes of...

Writing Feedbackhannahkim91 - Oct 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
Is the Internet itself bad for students?

2 - First of all, I believe all of you here are quite familiar with the internet.that sounds really awkward what...

Writing Feedbacknhilun - Oct 27, 2010 / midnight - Oct 27, 2010
Chinese Music, Language and Literature

4 - I would like to simplify this part: I cannot say for sure, but I think rhythms of the piece...

Writing Feedbackyin - Oct 23, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
TOEFL; Judging a person is not an easy task because the human nature is so complicated

4 - This needs a comma: To begin with, the external appearance does not reveal one's exact character and personality, although...

Writing Feedbacklabroy - Oct 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"Honoring your parents" - my unexamined belief essay?

9 - You can do it easily, William. I'll tell you the secret: Instead of trying to think of something...

Writing Feedbackkawsneffect - Oct 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"heart-ache and identity transformation" - Cbest, negative experience essay

4 - That is a cute mistake. You can use present tense here: We all experience some kind of...

Writing Feedbackbobo4398 - Oct 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 27, 2010
"a room in the Woodbridge Mental Institute" - The most enjoyable moment

2 - Capitalize that i, lazy! :-) I punc hed him as though he ... Put a space...

Writing Feedbackmin - Oct 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 26, 2010
International effort in solving Enviromental problems - My final try before IELTS

2 - Let's put that first sentence together with the paragraph that follows it so that it all becomes one paragraph....

Writing Feedbackzchen1987 - Oct 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 26, 2010
"Problems with AIDS in poorer countries" - TOEFL Integrated Essay

4 - Hello Kevin, thank you very much for the kind words as well as the interesting cue! ...

Writing FeedbackIrrational - Oct 20, 2010 / Irrational - Oct 26, 2010
Fixed Punishment Vs Discretionary Punishment - Discuss

NEW - Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the...

Writing Feedbacksimi - Oct 26, 2010 / — -
IELTS Compare the pros and cons of following as media for communicating information

NEW - Q: Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you...

Writing Feedbackriny - Oct 26, 2010 / — -
"It's more than a cup of coffee" - ENG grammar

5 - since I have first experienced the tasty of coffee. it should be ''since i first hd my taste of...

Writing FeedbackTapple20 - Oct 20, 2010 / doyin1 - Oct 26, 2010
Nature and nurture - are people born for certain talents?

NEW - It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents for instance for sport or music and...

Writing Feedbacksimi - Oct 25, 2010 / — -
Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades

4 - Think you should change "firstly, secondly..." to "first, second". Secondly, movies can entirely satisfy human being 's desires. ("Human...

Writing Feedbackbemytthm - Oct 18, 2010 / ayida365 - Oct 24, 2010
Creative Essay of Death Row -- Mice Don't Talk

2 - I see that the due date passed. Sorry you did not get any feedback in time for it to...

Writing Feedbackjghobrial - Oct 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 24, 2010
This is my part of my essay about patriotism and fighting for what you believe in.

2 - What happens when the country does something you do not believe in? Can you be patriotic and...

Writing Feedbackbarkabarx - Oct 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 24, 2010
My Struggle to Achieve Greatness: Law School Personal Essay-Looking for feedback

3 - I have always wanted more for myself; my dream as a kid was to become an attorney. I...

Writing Feedbackcubina - Oct 20, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 24, 2010
TOEFL Essay "What single item would you take on a one year trip?"

3 - To start with the reasonsFor some reason , I believe my personal item should be something that can intrigue...

Writing FeedbackIrrational - Oct 23, 2010 / jazzmeen - Oct 24, 2010
MY ROOM ESSAY (to carry out various leisure activities)

3 - Keep all the verbs in the same "form" in that list of activities: studying, watching, listening, talking, surfing ...

Writing Feedbackmichy81508 - Oct 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
Is there anything we can do to stop crime?

3 - Education is an essential element in reducing the crime rate in the long run. According to the recent...

Writing Feedbackzchen1987 - Oct 22, 2010 / bakamanju - Oct 23, 2010
Why You Shouldn't Get Excited on the Golf Course

5 - you should try to catch the readers attention without asking a question in the beginning. maybe at the end...

Writing Feedbackmegasoccer4 - Oct 14, 2010 / hannahkim91 - Oct 23, 2010
IELTS - Sporting events easing international tensions, releasing patriotic feelings

3 - and help them being feel proud of their nation. Irak Iraq national proudness pride This is...

Writing Feedbackpierre11 - Oct 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 23, 2010
IELTS writing: should Art be ignored by the government?

4 - I think your essay structure is good enough, you discussed good point of art. 'I would like to...

Writing Feedbackeaglet008 - Oct 21, 2010 / riny - Oct 22, 2010
TOEFL Essay "Should students be required to attend classes?"

2 - This is a good point. So a policy of optional attendance saves time and money. ...

Writing FeedbackIrrational - Oct 18, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 21, 2010
ielts essay: what is happiness? I still do not find the answer

2 - I think this essay answers the question, but it seems to lack depth. You address the issue that happiness...

Writing Feedbackiishine - Oct 20, 2010 / akshays1993 - Oct 21, 2010
Extinct Animals - Essay

2 - In fact, I disagree with idea that animals have been created to serve human beings so that we have...

Writing FeedbackNesreen - Oct 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 20, 2010
"Christians should be more active" - Does this essay fit the toulmin model?

2 - I see that you organized it around the 6 parts of the toulmin model. If you want to ensure...

Writing Feedbackgamhazell - Oct 17, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 20, 2010
Essay on Margaret Mead - looking at other cultures to better understand the complexities of human

2 - Paper on Margeret Mead, need sources information Hi, Sarah I am doing my paper on Margeret Mead as...

Writing Feedbacksarahmk - Sep 3, 2007 / sadaf - Oct 20, 2010
Job with more vacation time but less salary?

4 - Here is some more help: Although the first reason I mentioned above is probably the most important reason,...

Writing FeedbackNUMJMM - Oct 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 19, 2010
IELTS: giving financial aids to the poor countries is not the way to go

6 - Thanks linying and Irrational for correcting my grammar! Kevin, Thank you for your suggestions! One issue that has...

Writing Feedbackadriennelin - Oct 14, 2010 / adriennelin - Oct 19, 2010
Topic: watching tv is bad for kids

4 - Since you have only 2 points, I think you should change either "First" or "Moreover"...

Writing Feedbackjwoo1111 - Oct 16, 2010 / YPan - Oct 18, 2010
Be very careful if you are driving in the winter...

2 - "It is called this because it is clear and all you see is the black road, so it looks...

Writing Feedbackpompom098 - Oct 17, 2010 / yojo1 - Oct 18, 2010
'from the top of a skyscraper' - Small town or big city - TOEFL

4 - Hi I think you right about the plural experiences . I misread your sentence and I thought you talking...

Writing FeedbackIrrational - Oct 16, 2010 / RyanVi16 - Oct 18, 2010
PAPER ABOUT HALLOWEEN (A RITUAL in a SOCIAL-CULTURAL KEY)

3 - Thank you Kevin!...

Writing Feedbackalicepozzi - Oct 14, 2010 / alicepozzi - Oct 18, 2010
TOELF Essay "Is it better for children to participate in team sports?"

4 - In order to win a game of football For instance, it is not enough to have good skills with...

Writing FeedbackIrrational - Oct 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 18, 2010
What's important: get up early and programm your works and you will never let yourself to be lazy

3 - I take a bath every morning before going to the office, It is one of my routin work during...

Writing Feedbacksolmaz - Oct 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 18, 2010
IELTS - Globalisation and its effect on world's economy

2 - Hello pierre11, great essay! I have some minor remarks, see if you can agree with them ...

Writing Feedbackpierre11 - Oct 18, 2010 / Irrational - Oct 18, 2010
TOEFL-Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are?

5 - Hi, What's more, the most influential advertisements are dependeddependent on famous people (you can even use the word...

Writing Feedbacklinying - Oct 14, 2010 / dumi - Oct 18, 2010
Important as classes and libraries are for students, health and social skills are also the keys

5 - You've write 335 words. According to the experience of my friends and I, a passage of 400+ words may...

Writing Feedbacklinying - Oct 14, 2010 / jinyangxue - Oct 18, 2010
Internet provides massive amount of uncensored information which may includes antisocial materials

3 - Usually "among" is followed by a noun that is plural: great concern among the people of society.--- This way,...

Writing Feedbackkiennguyen123 - Oct 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 17, 2010
TOEFL; Clothing may influence the way people behave

2 - You shouldn't repeat expressions from the task writing your introduction. This shows that your vacabulary is not very diverse....

Writing FeedbackKapayapaanify1 - Oct 17, 2010 / Taniad - Oct 17, 2010
TOEFL- money for children - they don't have the ability to keep their money safe

5 - Just few more suggestions and tips ...

Writing Feedbacklinying - Oct 16, 2010 / RyanVi16 - Oct 16, 2010
Narrative Essay On A fictional Hero - Feedback on Mechanics.

3 - who posed possessed many abilities unknown to human kind. ...with her aunt and was destined to never...

Writing FeedbackJessyyy - Oct 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 16, 2010
IELTS Writing - Should the reports of detailed crime be banned?

3 - That first paragraph needs at least 1 more sentence to help explain your argument. Add a sentence that tells...

Writing Feedbackzchen1987 - Oct 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 16, 2010
'Lose your concentration, lose the game': Extracurricular Activity

4 - This is the part that I think could be improved. "play a substantial role" is a lot of...

Writing FeedbackBenjamin89 - Oct 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 16, 2010
The unsuspecting wayfarer

5 - Ha ha, its is funny to think of them as a band, as though we Robin Hood ourselves...

Writing FeedbackRajiv - Oct 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 16, 2010
Thesis Statement for essay 'internet has destroyed the ability to communicate'

4 - Thank you so much for your feedback, I'm taking a Toefl course now, I hope, I'll write much better...

Writing Feedbacktoefl - Oct 15, 2010 / toefl - Oct 16, 2010
Perspective on Team Work - A group working or individual work?

3 - It'll be better if you say "people" instead of men. lthough some may find that being a part...

Writing Feedbackradwa - Oct 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
The mayor views on new automobile manufacturing plant: GRE argument essay

2 - Here is a good place to use a colon: ...and only focused on its most conspicuous negative quality: the...

Writing Feedbackradwa - Oct 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
The process of researching and writing an essay

3 - I don't like the first sentence, because examinations are PART of life. Can you try a different intro sentence?...

Writing Feedbackanna_ lewin - Oct 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
Responce towards Iron Dice by John G. Stoessinger (Essay about cause of WW1)

2 - Okay, then I expect to see those factors explained as such in the essay... I'll keep reading... ...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Oct 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach an educated person

6 - Even though many people might think that we learn only from educated people, from my point of view we...

Writing Feedbackmehdi1995 - Oct 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
Narrative essay about how was my feeling about getting money.

3 - Namrata, thanks for the time you invested here... great advice. I agree that Sim's attempt is not bad. It's...

Writing Feedbackhowtowrite - Oct 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
"Honor towards One's Mother and Father" - I need help summing up my essay on honor.

8 - thankyou to both of you, this really helped a lot! and I am about to go read your...

Writing FeedbackSupernewtJR - Oct 13, 2010 / SupernewtJR - Oct 14, 2010
Students should go to the army course with 12 months after their graduation?

3 - Politics is always a number one matter in a country. To prepare for war posibility in advance, going to...

Writing Feedbackthaitam - Oct 11, 2010 / thaitam - Oct 14, 2010
Pers.Essay: A Time When I Encountered Something Greater Than Myself--Poverty in India

5 - Thank you so VERY much for all the feedback. I wasn't expecting any at all; your comments were more...

Writing Feedbacktmiplease - Oct 8, 2010 / tmiplease - Oct 13, 2010

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