|Writing Feedback [22,729] - page 362 of 379|
5 - I agree that the first paragraph should be cut. Instead of saying obvious things, say your most important truth...
Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Mar 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
|"PGD method" - feetback on introduction of short academic essay
12 - "a morally problematic way of thinking that the Holocaust should have taught us to avoid." Avoid comparing things to...
Writing FeedbackTAMTAM - Mar 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
|Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth?
10 - Your second essay now stays on topic, and is much better. For the first essay, your proposed revision still...
Writing Feedbacktiantian12 - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
|If you cannot excel in a field, simply leave it for someone who can. Decisions
Writing FeedbackRosamond - Mar 26, 2009 / tasneemspring - Mar 30, 2009
|My narrative story on how bank of america charge off department closed down
3 - Some excellent advice from Mustafa. I would go even further, though, and say that you should add dialogue even...
Writing Feedbacksexyness1421 - Mar 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 30, 2009
|Management of Planning - Arthur Anderson (Enron case)
4 - If you have already done the research, you are halfway there already. Try to find connections between the pieces...
Writing Feedbackchampion510 - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 29, 2009
|IELTS Writing Task--Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood
18 - It's a classic breakdown in an argument, out of viciousness and disrepute -- failing to stay on point as...
Writing Feedbackkirin - Mar 25, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Mar 29, 2009
|If you can interview any living person, who would it be and why?
6 - Rich Monte) I appreciated your points ! I realized how important to distinguish the truth through television or...
Writing Feedbacksukjay - Mar 26, 2009 / sukjay - Mar 28, 2009
|Essay on The Cons of Social Text Messaging
Writing FeedbackNathan - Mar 27, 2009 / Nathan - Mar 28, 2009
|Essay on the Reformation in Europe - Feedback
2 - ...Along with it, the Protestant Reformation brought religious pluralism in Europe, attacking religious dogma which at that time dominated...
Writing FeedbackAMk - Mar 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 27, 2009
|Do images and impressions have too much of an effect on people?
5 - EV Kevin~thank you for your encouragement. I really appreciate your help. I will work harder to improve my writing!!^_^...
Writing Feedbacktiantian12 - Mar 26, 2009 / tiantian12 - Mar 27, 2009
|"Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments
18 - Now, reading with my defense down, I can take advantage of his point of view. Thanks again, Sean Oh...
Writing Feedbacklilmisha - Mar 21, 2009 / lilmisha - Mar 27, 2009
|My pet essay
Writing FeedbackU to the Woods - Mar 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 26, 2009
|One of Edison's invention - Does this article sound good in English?
Writing Feedbacktasneemspring - Mar 24, 2009 / Rosamond - Mar 26, 2009
|Proudest achievement of my life-linear generator buoy
3 - pretty impressive essay... specially ur ideas.. overall i don thin dis essay requires much of changes.. i agree wid...
Writing Feedbackabhishek - Mar 25, 2009 / savvy - Mar 26, 2009
|Soldiers experiences in Iraq, World War II, Vietnam.
4 - This is a compare/contrast on the soldiers' experiences, not on the wars themselves, the way I see it. ...
Writing Feedbacksadly204 - Mar 23, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Mar 25, 2009
|Intro for my essay about army lowing its standards. Sound good so far?
Writing Feedbacksgc88 - Mar 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 24, 2009
|Catcher in the Rye: reality vs. fantasy
Writing Feedbacksc15pcz - Mar 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 24, 2009
|Karl Marx vs. The Economic Hitman
7 - Yes, but the fact that people believe it does work means that they accept levels of income inequality that...
Writing FeedbackGautama - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 23, 2009
|review my quote essay ("The desire to know..")
7 - In all scope of All human achievement begins with a desire to know, and this desire is what drives...
Writing FeedbackGrammarFool - Mar 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2009
|Gay, lesbian, bisexual teens in America
2 - Here are some revisions and suggestions to get you started: "Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated like different...
Writing Feedbackchipmunk - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 22, 2009
|Pygmalion Paragraph for brochure
Writing Feedbackmenamilad - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2009
|Goals: Dancer, Hairdresser, Musician
5 - The first goal beside that of becoming a dancer is to become an elementary school teacher. One reason...
Writing Feedbackanzgurl - Mar 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 21, 2009
|A short story draft - dirty job, "Dear Diary" comment
Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Mar 18, 2009 / newsha31 - Mar 20, 2009
|Summary and Personal Response "Hills Like White Elephants" grammar check
4 - At some point you might want to think about the two main meanings of the phrase "white elephant." It...
Writing Feedbackkinghippo - Mar 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 20, 2009
|Thesis Statement About My Goals (semi-pro football)
Writing FeedbackGHouse - Feb 17, 2009 / GHouse - Mar 19, 2009
|"What did you want to be when you were a child" - 5 paragraph essay
4 - However, when I got older, I realized that being a dancer was not my top goal anymore, because I...
Writing Feedbackanzgurl - Mar 18, 2009 / anzgurl - Mar 19, 2009
|"The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper
20 - Yes, that's right! Good insight. A good essay is at least a little argumentative, in the sense that it...
Writing Feedbacklatror - Mar 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 19, 2009
|"Lithuania Environmental problems" essay - correct my mistakes
3 - Nevertheless, Lithuania has problems involving the quantity of garbage, car ... Yeah... you need to be more specific. What...
Writing Feedbackjurgita - Mar 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 19, 2009
|Essay to Compare your Two Teachers
10 - i agree with snowman...when I make outlines of a subject I'm about to write on, I find that I...
Writing Feedbackchubbybear - Mar 3, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 17, 2009
|Essay for TOEFL: "establishing a new university in your community"
5 - This essay already seems to be in good shape, after Tyler and Kevin's excellent advice. One thing I would...
Writing Feedbackmogul - Mar 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 17, 2009
|What do you think composition is? (this is the essay title we were given)
5 - Thank you so much for everyones input into my essay.i have learnt somethin for a change.now i need help...
Writing FeedbackPriya Nayer - Mar 16, 2009 / Priya Nayer - Mar 17, 2009
|a psychology research paper
Writing Feedbackjenhur - Mar 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 17, 2009
|Chronic Illness and Family-Analysis paper
4 - thank you...
Writing Feedbackhunnybun39 - Mar 10, 2009 / hunnybun39 - Mar 16, 2009
|Expository Essay "Keeping Kids Drug Free"
6 - Everyone has different ideas about what an expository essay is... like Sean said, it encompasses multiple categories. If you...
Writing Feedbackrolenakay - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 16, 2009
|In the Kitchen: Constructing Identity
2 - I think you should expand the first paragraph to explain that thesis statement about exploring his own values. Make...
Writing FeedbackCodyB - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 15, 2009
|"Life is like riding a bicycle.."
5 - Was this suppose to relate to the quote about life being like riding a motorcycle? you need to find...
Writing FeedbackAaron - Mar 6, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 15, 2009
|Achievement of Set goals in Life is a Success
1 - Learning is always a passion for me. Learning is an ongoing process, knowledge and skill gain through comprehensive learning...
Writing Feedbacktb1978 - Mar 15, 2009 / — -
|The Future of the Internet, Globalization, and Mankind
3 - "Internet" is a proper noun and should be capitalized throughout the essay. Also, the first paragraph should me a...
Writing Feedbackrshingleton - Mar 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 14, 2009
|SAT Essay:One Subject or Multiple?
3 - Some more fixes: "In modern society, the indispensable discoveries cannot be found by focusing on one subject anymore,...
Writing Feedbackmingbaau - Mar 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 14, 2009
|Description about a friend of mine
4 - Very good first draft. To make it even stronger, try going through and eliminating all forms of "to be"...
Writing Feedbackcaryngmail - Mar 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 13, 2009
|Summary Writing on the issue of Urbanization
7 - Hi, this looks great, with no errors that I can find. However, when I write an article summary, I...
Writing Feedbacks11022734 - Feb 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009
|"Animals should have rights too" - Argumentative Essay (Rogerian Style)
3 - Hello! A Rogerian argument is very focused on the counter-argument. That means you need to spend some time...
Writing Feedbacklilroxy17 - Mar 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009
|"Malcolm X and Dr King" esssay, fighting inequality
5 - Now that Kevin's mentioned it, King does seem to be the more admirable and effective figure. King fought for...
Writing Feedbackd690meg - Mar 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 12, 2009
|Working in a cubicle - Division\Classification essay with emphasis on Division.
6 - Hi, I see that your first para ends with an assertion that the common idea about cubicle life is...
Writing Feedbackakern - Mar 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 11, 2009
|On the Inland of Hispanolia
9 - Hello! Thanks for the suggesting those books, I love Stephen King's novels, so I really look forward to reading...
Writing FeedbackRangedCrow - Mar 7, 2009 / RangedCrow - Mar 11, 2009
|Bank of America is a Great Employer - Argumentative Essay Need Suggestions
4 - This was interesting to me because I used to work at Bank of America. Great advice above, you have...
Writing FeedbackUnshella - Feb 28, 2009 / akern - Mar 9, 2009
|"Successful Lie" - 4-5 pages essay for homework.
Writing Feedbackrabi - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 9, 2009
|The Oregon Runaway Laws
5 - How exactly would throwing runaways into jail with hardened criminals be better for either them or their parents than...
Writing Feedbackmileybiley - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 7, 2009
|"You don't choose your family." - Turning Point Essay Edit
4 - Every time I talk to my parents, I always feel that they're always yelling at me and they don't...
Writing Feedbackzouter - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 7, 2009
|Ethics and Values BA Hons Social Work
3 - First thing I notice is a mistake with the APA in-text citation: ...social interaction." (Fook, 2007, pg 52)....
Writing Feedbackelzbietabielec - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 7, 2009
|Oh Spring! Where is your sense of humor?
5 - Wow, that is some impressive advice. I had to take a minute to acknowledge that Sean gave some excellent...
Writing Feedbackjohnyeeto - Mar 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 6, 2009
|Flight & Growing Up -Comparive Essay
3 - Here are a few other fixes to go with the great advice from Sean; This metaphorically means that...
Writing Feedbackmohsin_ahmad - Mar 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 6, 2009
|"That Night I Proposed" - ENGLISH 080 essay
7 - It's good to see that, in a cynical age, some people still have a sense of romantic idealism. Keep...
Writing Feedbackic3 - Feb 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
|Help with a letter (Joe Lawry)
3 - The numbering of your comparisons at the start of your essay seems a bit odd, too. Really, why wouldn't...
Writing Feedbackrandysnyc - Feb 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
|Taking courses of more than one subject prepare students for a broad spectrum of careers
7 - Also, you could add that exposure to a wide variety of topics develops certain general learning skills that make...
Writing Feedbackcici510988 - Feb 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
|Narrative Essay, any subject ("jobless rates in America")
Writing Feedbackakern - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 5, 2009
|Essay on a personal challenge at school
5 - "My friends and I often do our homework together, but they always got done before me. " You should...
Writing Feedbackmystery200 - Mar 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 5, 2009
|eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa), introductory paragraph
Writing Feedbackshan - Mar 2, 2009 / Gautama - Mar 5, 2009
|"Unexpected Change" essay
6 - You've got some good stuff, but I'm not sure your last paragraph fits with the rest of the essay....
Writing Feedbackkatj21 - Feb 28, 2009 / akern - Mar 5, 2009
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