|Writing Feedback [23,024] - page 364 of 384|
|My first essay exercise - "we learn our most important lessons in school?"
7 - thanks a lot, Special thanks to Mustafa1991. I know this article is far from perfect. But there are only...
Writing FeedbackHellANgel - Jun 10, 2009 / HellANgel - Jun 13, 2009
|Yet another CBEST Essay - an unforgettable person you have encountered in life
Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 12, 2009 / rolandj727 - Jun 12, 2009
|CBEST personal essay - an unforgettable person you have encountered in your life
13 - Notice: Several people have now repeatedly told you to omit that first paragraph, which says nothing. That's good advice....
Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 11, 2009
|War -- victor or no victor? 2
45 - Yeah, I'm going to keep a low profile in classes where there aren't multiple choice tests, from now on....
Writing FeedbackMustafa1991 - May 18, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 11, 2009
|TOEFL - should history be a mandatory course to university students?
5 - But how would this be of any use to international students? Bear in mind that universities often have a...
Writing Feedbackrealele - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 10, 2009
|ielts essay: Should students be taught to compete or to cooperate?
5 - Don't call your mistakes "stupid." Making mistakes is how we learn. I'm glad you are feeling more confident....
Writing Feedbackwudan - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 10, 2009
|Essay response to Thoreau - "Does adulthood takes away the true spirit of life?"
5 - Threre are plenty grammar errors. For example: - convey a sense of nostalgia *for* - childhood is...
Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 9, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 10, 2009
|IELTS essay : Nowadays majority of people are trying to live in the cities
Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 9, 2009
|Traveling in a group led by a tour guide give us a safe, useful and exciting excursion & save time
7 - Or Tour guides possess professional knowledge of an city that allows them to avoid dangerous areas....
Writing Feedbackthinhthanh92 - Jun 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 9, 2009
|Making life better
Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
|A paragraph to persuade someone not to smoke
4 - You might also want to add more details to make your paragraph more persuasive. "Five million people died last...
Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
|TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards
7 - Actually, it is generally a good idea to avoid labeling your conclusion with one of those phrases. It should...
Writing Feedbackwing - May 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009
|IELTS Writing - "clean learning environment"
3 - Be careful, too, that you don't get off topic. The prompt doesn't assert that an attractive and clean learning...
Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009
|descriptive essay-The heart of the Matter.
6 - In need of some revision: "An inspiring, strong, and caring person has a lot to offer, especially if...
Writing Feedbackpnkberrychmpgne - Jun 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
|Help with a paragraph about marketing claims
Writing FeedbackFizzi - Jun 4, 2009 / Fizzi - Jun 5, 2009
|Test essay: Should children obey authority?
7 - Others think controlled children are not well-prepared for children's adult life into make the important decisions of their lives...
Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 2, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 4, 2009
|Socials Essay: Robespierre and Cromwell Which is a more effective leader?
7 - Your main problem is that you are comparing these two people in terms of the effectiveness of their leadership,...
Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 4, 2009
|"the disparity (gap) between rich and poor" - sample writing
4 - I like the way you focus on the difference in the two camps' views of wealth. The redistributionists subscribe...
Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
|a pretty short story, Return of satan
5 - Some minor fixes for you: "and argued that Satan was damned forever and he would never deserve to...
Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
|April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check
5 - My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts...
Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
|itels essay: should children learn foreign language from elementary school?
7 - To sum up, though teaching the elementary school students foreign languages pose a threat to thehas risk for the...
Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
|People should read only those books which are real events& real person
10 - It's really difficult to make a determination on that without actually seeing the essay. In general, grounding your essay...
Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
|ielts essay: should governments pay university course fees?
3 - This is better than your other essays, as it has a clear thesis with some decent reasons to back...
Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
|ielts essay - Useing animals for the benefit of the human beings
4 - Simone makes an excellent point -- you haven't presented any compelling arguments for your thesis. Making your case shouldn't...
Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
|Machine Learning versus Learning by Humans 2
Writing FeedbackRajiv - Oct 21, 2008 / Rajiv - May 31, 2009
|Essay on Rating TV Shows and Movies
6 - The main objection to the rating system is that the ratings may not reflect what parents think they do....
Writing Feedbacknick94 - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009
|I came to knew about Jesus at young age; My salvation testimony - kindly edit.
Writing FeedbackAlfred - May 31, 2009 / Alfred - May 31, 2009
|Random weightlifting reflection piece.
3 - I'd say you should flesh out the essay a bit more, possibly adding narrative elements to the beginning and...
Writing FeedbackMond - May 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009
|English Comprehension Clep exam - essay to practice
7 - True, but people always have the choice of giving up, of lying down to die, rather than attempting to...
Writing Feedbackakfir - May 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009
|'useless in applying theories'; Daily homework is not necessary for students
Writing Feedbackeric_ly - May 30, 2009 / eric_ly - May 31, 2009
|People want stay healthy. Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest.
7 - Notoman, That is such excellent advice!! Thank you for participating so actively in peer editing. That's what makes this...
Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 28, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 29, 2009
|Critical essay about Persepolis.
2 - Persepolis is such a wonderful book! I'm glad to have this opportunity to review an essay about it. I...
Writing Feedbackannedoherty - May 29, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 29, 2009
|History, Royal Engineer essay.
6 - You also need to work on integrating your quotations better. "The following quote proves my point" is a horrible...
Writing Feedbackeddy9898 - May 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 28, 2009
|If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? (TOEFL essay)
Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 28, 2009
|Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries)
Writing Feedbackkylelanning - Apr 27, 2009 / kylelanning - May 28, 2009
|Essay on the legal drinking age
Writing Feedbackkokujampo - May 25, 2009 / biggestv - May 28, 2009
|Clep essay-Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible.
4 - Your essay is very general and need specefic examples. Your grammer still need improvement. so I think to improve...
Writing FeedbackIndian - May 22, 2009 / biggestv - May 27, 2009
|WPE --The minimum wage in the U.S.
5 - Yes, that's the one. You know that there are reasons to increase minimum wage (protect workers from exploitation)...
Writing Feedbacksapst21 - May 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2009
|Causes of Global Financial Crisis
3 - While moderating here, I have often found myself recommending three books over and over again: Stechen King's On Writing,...
Writing Feedbackferocious12 - May 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2009
|Essay on advantages of computer games
16 - To make your essay a bit stronger in view point you could list a few well known negative views...
Writing Feedbacktara11 - May 5, 2009 / maextra7 - May 26, 2009
|[TOEFL ESSAY ] Should the Government Provide Free College?
Writing Feedbackrjsdndi - May 24, 2009 / rjsdndi - May 25, 2009
|Toefl: Is this good enough to get 24 score in writing section.
3 - Aye, the more concise the better, as multiple writers have noted. However, your fix for the sentence changes his...
Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 24, 2009
|School bus trip - a story
4 - Better yet, write the story so that the theme emerges from it without your protagonist having to reflect on...
Writing Feedbackceberus - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 23, 2009
|TOEFL Essay-It can be quite difficult to learn a new language.
7 - I agree with Kevin -- you will pass! Learning a new language is generally enjoyable but at the...
Writing Feedbackwickyeden - May 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 23, 2009
|CLEP English Comp. -- "That Government is Best Which Governs Least"
5 - Essay is very nice, I am also planning to take the same test. Your essay helps me knowing some...
Writing FeedbackTWRTW106 - May 21, 2009 / Indian - May 22, 2009
|VIETNAM PAPER- Why did we lose?
3 - So, did all of Asia fall under communist rule? Or did the U.S. involvement in Vietnam prevent that?...
Writing FeedbackSmartFelix - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 21, 2009
|nothing wrong - Young people are less interested in studying than in earning money
Writing Feedbackceberus - May 17, 2009 / ceberus - May 20, 2009
4 - You might also wish to avoid random capitalization: "Eggs, milk and cheese where just a few of the...
Writing FeedbackPeterV - May 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 19, 2009
|Mercutio's importance to the plot and theme - Romeo and Juliet
Writing FeedbackGebraroest - May 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 17, 2009
|'manned spaceflight and education' - CLEP TEST ESSAY
3 - Your essay seems to focus more on what happened before your trip into outer space, and on how...
Writing FeedbackPeterV - May 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 17, 2009
|Need your corrections for agumentative paragraph ("my supervisor")
Writing Feedbackkyleighgrace - May 14, 2009 / kyleighgrace - May 17, 2009
|Will You Buy a House or Start a Business?
9 - I think if you take advantage of most of the suggestions and changes offered, your essay will be just...
Writing Feedbackadalumi - Apr 27, 2009 / Londyn64 - May 16, 2009
|CHANGE or AVOID CHANGE? Which is better?
4 - It's interesting that you are honest and not at all ashamed about being mediocre. Since you said something interesting,...
Writing Feedbackkirin - May 10, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - May 15, 2009
|Do you support it or not? A mall construction in your neighborhood
6 - I don't think because it is your neighborhood, you necessarily own own your living space. What if you're renting...
Writing Feedbackadalumi - May 12, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - May 14, 2009
|Violence and the youth - two reports
3 - Here are some quick revisions you could make to the essay in your latest post. I'll do 1 line...
Writing Feedbackttc1234 - Apr 28, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - May 14, 2009
|Essay about violence and violent behavior in the Media
3 - I notice you seem to use a lot of paraphrasing in your essay, with few direct quotations. Some direct...
Writing Feedbackttc1234 - May 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 14, 2009
|What are the differences between life in America and life in Third World nations
14 - Great, they'll be lucky to get your feedback. I had a Spanish teacher once who pointed out how much...
Writing FeedbackRhadames - May 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 14, 2009
|Feedback for my essay on Philosophy Paper relating to parfits personal identity
3 - Unlike the de-connecting of hemispheres, and reconnecting them, and then suddenly having the stream on consciousness connect, you would...
Writing Feedbackhketek - May 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 12, 2009
|"How must we change our lifestyles to meet the threat of global warming?"
6 - Thanks for this help, i am now feeling more confident on constructing this essay and it may lead me...
Writing Feedbackantondude - May 9, 2009 / antondude - May 12, 2009
|Iranian Revolution Recounted in Persepolis
2 - This seems to start in media res. You need to work on situating the events you describe in context....
Writing Feedbackbanannax - May 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 12, 2009
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