|Writing Feedback [23,070] - page 368 of 385|
|review my quote essay ("The desire to know..")
7 - In all scope of All human achievement begins with a desire to know, and this desire is what drives...
Writing FeedbackGrammarFool - Mar 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2009
|Gay, lesbian, bisexual teens in America
2 - Here are some revisions and suggestions to get you started: "Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated like different...
Writing Feedbackchipmunk - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 22, 2009
|Pygmalion Paragraph for brochure
Writing Feedbackmenamilad - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2009
|Goals: Dancer, Hairdresser, Musician
5 - The first goal beside that of becoming a dancer is to become an elementary school teacher. One reason...
Writing Feedbackanzgurl - Mar 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 21, 2009
|A short story draft - dirty job, "Dear Diary" comment
Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Mar 18, 2009 / newsha31 - Mar 20, 2009
|Summary and Personal Response "Hills Like White Elephants" grammar check
4 - At some point you might want to think about the two main meanings of the phrase "white elephant." It...
Writing Feedbackkinghippo - Mar 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 20, 2009
|Thesis Statement About My Goals (semi-pro football)
Writing FeedbackGHouse - Feb 17, 2009 / GHouse - Mar 19, 2009
|"What did you want to be when you were a child" - 5 paragraph essay
4 - However, when I got older, I realized that being a dancer was not my top goal anymore, because I...
Writing Feedbackanzgurl - Mar 18, 2009 / anzgurl - Mar 19, 2009
|"The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper
20 - Yes, that's right! Good insight. A good essay is at least a little argumentative, in the sense that it...
Writing Feedbacklatror - Mar 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 19, 2009
|"Lithuania Environmental problems" essay - correct my mistakes
3 - Nevertheless, Lithuania has problems involving the quantity of garbage, car ... Yeah... you need to be more specific. What...
Writing Feedbackjurgita - Mar 18, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 19, 2009
|Essay to Compare your Two Teachers
10 - i agree with snowman...when I make outlines of a subject I'm about to write on, I find that I...
Writing Feedbackchubbybear - Mar 3, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 17, 2009
|Essay for TOEFL: "establishing a new university in your community"
5 - This essay already seems to be in good shape, after Tyler and Kevin's excellent advice. One thing I would...
Writing Feedbackmogul - Mar 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 17, 2009
|What do you think composition is? (this is the essay title we were given)
5 - Thank you so much for everyones input into my essay.i have learnt somethin for a change.now i need help...
Writing FeedbackPriya Nayer - Mar 16, 2009 / Priya Nayer - Mar 17, 2009
|a psychology research paper
Writing Feedbackjenhur - Mar 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 17, 2009
|Chronic Illness and Family-Analysis paper
4 - thank you...
Writing Feedbackhunnybun39 - Mar 10, 2009 / hunnybun39 - Mar 16, 2009
|Expository Essay "Keeping Kids Drug Free"
6 - Everyone has different ideas about what an expository essay is... like Sean said, it encompasses multiple categories. If you...
Writing Feedbackrolenakay - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 16, 2009
|In the Kitchen: Constructing Identity
2 - I think you should expand the first paragraph to explain that thesis statement about exploring his own values. Make...
Writing FeedbackCodyB - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 15, 2009
|"Life is like riding a bicycle.."
5 - Was this suppose to relate to the quote about life being like riding a motorcycle? you need to find...
Writing FeedbackAaron - Mar 6, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 15, 2009
|Achievement of Set goals in Life is a Success
NEW - Learning is always a passion for me. Learning is an ongoing process, knowledge and skill gain through comprehensive learning...
Writing Feedbacktb1978 - Mar 15, 2009 / — -
|The Future of the Internet, Globalization, and Mankind
3 - "Internet" is a proper noun and should be capitalized throughout the essay. Also, the first paragraph should me a...
Writing Feedbackrshingleton - Mar 14, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 14, 2009
|SAT Essay:One Subject or Multiple?
3 - Some more fixes: "In modern society, the indispensable discoveries cannot be found by focusing on one subject anymore,...
Writing Feedbackmingbaau - Mar 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 14, 2009
|Description about a friend of mine
4 - Very good first draft. To make it even stronger, try going through and eliminating all forms of "to be"...
Writing Feedbackcaryngmail - Mar 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 13, 2009
|Summary Writing on the issue of Urbanization
7 - Hi, this looks great, with no errors that I can find. However, when I write an article summary, I...
Writing Feedbacks11022734 - Feb 26, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009
|"Animals should have rights too" - Argumentative Essay (Rogerian Style)
3 - Hello! A Rogerian argument is very focused on the counter-argument. That means you need to spend some time...
Writing Feedbacklilroxy17 - Mar 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009
|"Malcolm X and Dr King" esssay, fighting inequality
5 - Now that Kevin's mentioned it, King does seem to be the more admirable and effective figure. King fought for...
Writing Feedbackd690meg - Mar 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 12, 2009
|Working in a cubicle - Division\Classification essay with emphasis on Division.
6 - Hi, I see that your first para ends with an assertion that the common idea about cubicle life is...
Writing Feedbackakern - Mar 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 11, 2009
|On the Inland of Hispanolia
9 - Hello! Thanks for the suggesting those books, I love Stephen King's novels, so I really look forward to reading...
Writing FeedbackRangedCrow - Mar 7, 2009 / RangedCrow - Mar 11, 2009
|Bank of America is a Great Employer - Argumentative Essay Need Suggestions
4 - This was interesting to me because I used to work at Bank of America. Great advice above, you have...
Writing FeedbackUnshella - Feb 28, 2009 / akern - Mar 9, 2009
|"Successful Lie" - 4-5 pages essay for homework.
Writing Feedbackrabi - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 9, 2009
|The Oregon Runaway Laws
4 - How exactly would throwing runaways into jail with hardened criminals be better for either them or their parents than...
Writing Feedbackmileybiley - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 7, 2009
|"You don't choose your family." - Turning Point Essay Edit
4 - Every time I talk to my parents, I always feel that they're always yelling at me and they don't...
Writing Feedbackzouter - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 7, 2009
|Ethics and Values BA Hons Social Work
3 - First thing I notice is a mistake with the APA in-text citation: ...social interaction." (Fook, 2007, pg 52)....
Writing Feedbackelzbietabielec - Mar 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 7, 2009
|Oh Spring! Where is your sense of humor?
5 - Wow, that is some impressive advice. I had to take a minute to acknowledge that Sean gave some excellent...
Writing Feedbackjohnyeeto - Mar 5, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 6, 2009
|Flight & Growing Up -Comparive Essay
3 - Here are a few other fixes to go with the great advice from Sean; This metaphorically means that...
Writing Feedbackmohsin_ahmad - Mar 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 6, 2009
|"That Night I Proposed" - ENGLISH 080 essay
7 - It's good to see that, in a cynical age, some people still have a sense of romantic idealism. Keep...
Writing Feedbackic3 - Feb 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
|Help with a letter (Joe Lawry)
3 - The numbering of your comparisons at the start of your essay seems a bit odd, too. Really, why wouldn't...
Writing Feedbackrandysnyc - Feb 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
|Taking courses of more than one subject prepare students for a broad spectrum of careers
7 - Also, you could add that exposure to a wide variety of topics develops certain general learning skills that make...
Writing Feedbackcici510988 - Feb 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 6, 2009
|Narrative Essay, any subject ("jobless rates in America")
Writing Feedbackakern - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 5, 2009
|Essay on a personal challenge at school
5 - "My friends and I often do our homework together, but they always got done before me. " You should...
Writing Feedbackmystery200 - Mar 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 5, 2009
|eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa), introductory paragraph
Writing Feedbackshan - Mar 2, 2009 / Gautama - Mar 5, 2009
|"Unexpected Change" essay
6 - You've got some good stuff, but I'm not sure your last paragraph fits with the rest of the essay....
Writing Feedbackkatj21 - Feb 28, 2009 / akern - Mar 5, 2009
|Shopping is a necessity in our life
5 - What exactly is the point of your essay? You say you like shopping, but you also say shopping can...
Writing Feedbackjurgita - Mar 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
|Castin Characters #1: Jim
Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Mar 2, 2009 / newsha31 - Mar 4, 2009
|Lit Review (Borderline Personality Disorder)
3 - Your main problem is that, if BPD is rooted in genetic and biological factors, then it is difficult to...
Writing FeedbackChicitaGatita - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
|Reading - My favorite subject essay
6 - Kevin's advice is great. That would turn the essay into an essay on your favorite books, which, if you...
Writing Feedbackmystery200 - Mar 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
|Jame Joyce's Portrait
11 - If this is supposed to be a literary essay, you have some more work to do. The essay doesn't...
Writing FeedbackNecrovex - Mar 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
|A creation of the mind - "Imagination" essay
7 - You might want to start by defining what you mean by imagination, then discuss how it both contrasts with...
Writing Feedbackbugsy444 - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 4, 2009
|Write a short story in which the central character is a rebellious teenager
Writing Feedback_cartwheel_ - Feb 28, 2009 / _cartwheel_ - Mar 4, 2009
|"Green Jeans" / "The love of my life" / "Fathers" - rhetorical essays (finals)
9 - No, it's about being able to identify with a certain disposition or sequence of thoughts. It's about capturing a...
Writing Feedbackjoey2dawn - Feb 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2009
|Short Story (heart still aches for Darren)
6 - This is a wonderfully written narrative essay. You have a great style and sense of important details. However, I...
Writing Feedback_cartwheel_ - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 1, 2009
|Essay on equal gender in university
4 - I don't know how hight the standards are for IELTS, but this is looking very good. Implement Sean's changes,...
Writing Feedbackpupi - Feb 27, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 28, 2009
|When I am in uncertainty I feel my emotions at their strongest
5 - You are second guessing this eassay? I loved it. I could visualize everything happening as I read. Slap on...
Writing Feedbackfitz1901 - Feb 26, 2009 / GHouse - Feb 27, 2009
|Reaction paper (reaction to the hotel we just visited)
3 - Actually, you can use "because" to begin a sentence, as long as it is used to begin a dependent...
Writing Feedbackeng1 - Feb 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 26, 2009
|FIRST NARRATIVE ESSAY (The Miserable Girl)
Writing FeedbackYassin - Feb 22, 2009 / Yassin - Feb 25, 2009
|motherhood (Motherhood is Amazing)
3 - I believe Being a mother is a most extraordinary gift, yet it brings challenges that ca be difficult to...
Writing Feedbackpurfec8gel - Feb 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 24, 2009
|Not Mr. Towers, he and his family watched TV; Narrative Essay
8 - Adding dialogue would also be a great way to add more conflict. Perhaps at the beginning of your essay,...
Writing FeedbackCTowers - Feb 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 24, 2009
|People are Living Longer (causes of this phenomenon)
2 - The list can be interminably long but here are some of the most important ones: Discovery of red blood...
Writing Feedbackoto - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 22, 2009
|Math is Crucial for Society
6 - The title suggestion isn't bad. Perhaps you could try "Let my experience of the world be my best source...
Writing Feedbackligfsing - Feb 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 22, 2009
|Midsummer Night's Dream Character Essays
5 - Better. Now, take all of the references you make to specific passages [Act 2 scene I line 30-35 ,...
Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Feb 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 22, 2009
|Yet another essay on television...
6 - This is very good, you have alot of talent. I wish my teacher let me write first-person, or even...
Writing Feedbackakern - Feb 15, 2009 / drmemo - Feb 20, 2009
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