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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 463)

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What do you want most in a friend TOEFL

7 - got it. thank you so much! your examples are easy to understand ,and i learned not only the grammar...

Writing Feedbacktoefl7 - Aug 16, 2009 / sugarzhi - Aug 18, 2009
The Next Patient

7 - The air dances violently in the space between our stare. wow, definitely gave me goosebumps :o Awesome essay!...

Writing Feedbackjdharake - Aug 14, 2009 / CalLover - Aug 17, 2009
toefl: We live in a world of music - Why is it important to so many people?

13 - Thank you very much, sad_an6el. It sounds more detailed....

Writing FeedbackLiwen - Aug 16, 2009 / Liwen - Aug 17, 2009
parents and relatives make the decisions

3 - Whereas parents and relatives never do this? No parent has ever pressured his or her child to be,...

Writing Feedbacktoefl7 - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
GRE Essay on "skepticism in student's learning"

6 - Your essay mainly seems to be arguing in favor of the idea, rather than against it as your introduction...

Writing Feedbacknatz - Aug 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
"Questioning authority" - GRE topic.

4 - You need to elaborate more on your examples. At the moment, you are not using them to actually prove...

Writing FeedbackKahollavan81 - Aug 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
Travel Versus Saving Money (IELTS test prep essay)

4 - Thanks guys for the corrections....

Writing Feedbackorlando - Aug 16, 2009 / orlando - Aug 16, 2009
"Justice can only exist when people obey laws that are not to their liking."

3 - Simone is right -- you need to start by defining what you mean by "justice". Virtually any definition you...

Writing FeedbackKahollavan81 - Aug 12, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 16, 2009
We are blessed with modern tools; Modern technology

8 - I have checked : be aware of is correct :)...

Writing Feedbackrosamond00 - Aug 7, 2009 / arsdtbk - Aug 16, 2009
Frankenstein Essay: Critiques?

3 - A thesis needs to be debatable. Your isn't. Say something about the message of the book, preferably something that...

Writing Feedbackkenziii - Aug 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 15, 2009
Essay about important characteristics of a co-worker.

5 - ok, right, when I compare with the past, this characteristic is as vital as now. thanks...

Writing Feedbackarsdtbk - Aug 13, 2009 / arsdtbk - Aug 14, 2009
"Running away"; "I'm sorry for all that is happening, but..." - rate my essay

7 - You need to clarify much more. The entire work is interesting but makes very little sense and threatens to...

Writing Feedbackkennethfatty - Jul 29, 2009 / kenziii - Aug 14, 2009
Our lives abound with examples of the importance of remaining creative

4 - Give the reader some examples about creativity in the modern world.....

Writing FeedbackDiddy - Aug 3, 2009 / kenziii - Aug 14, 2009
"the personal consumption of butter" - IELTS task 1 Homework 1

2 - This graph shows the personal consumption (in grams) of butter, margarine and low-fat or reduced-fat spreads per week [omit...

Writing FeedbackAnne25 - Aug 12, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 12, 2009
Gay Marriage: Is It Right?

13 - Note: I deleted John6503's comment to which Llamapoop123 is responding, because it ran afoul of our guidelines prohibiting postings...

Writing Feedbackladiired3 - Aug 4, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 12, 2009
"Goods And Service Tax At All India Level"- how 2 improve this article

5 - Yeah, this is really a good idea. Thnx Simone...

Writing Feedbackescritor - Aug 10, 2009 / escritor - Aug 12, 2009
"About a time when you thought an experience would take place in certain way"

3 - This is essay drags on a little. The lesson learned not really something that would effect your character or...

Writing Feedbackpresario32 - Aug 11, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 11, 2009
"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value"

3 - What confuses me is why your friend agreed to have YOU post HIS essay. Why could he not do...

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Aug 10, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 10, 2009
Results of publicly funded scientific studies for free -help for GRE issue essay

4 - Ah, sorry I missed that. Well, then, I'd say that the essay is OK but not spectacular. For...

Writing FeedbackUlribe - Aug 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 10, 2009
Personal Essay - Travels; I have inherited my mother's wanderlust

4 - I love experiencing the magic and draw of various cultures, each with their own flavor and distinctions which seizes...

Writing Feedbacksarahstu - Aug 9, 2009 / Liebe - Aug 10, 2009
Summary-Response Essay - Celebrating Nerdiness by Tom rogers

5 - Your summary is okay. Your thesis should probably include a summary of the reasons why you agree with...

Writing Feedbackkingdomcome - Aug 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 9, 2009
"hard work leads you to success in your life" - need help in correcting my essay

5 - Your logic here isn't very tight. Overwhelming evidence suggests that hard work is in fact the key to...

Writing Feedbackpelaru - Aug 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 9, 2009
"Saying Goodbye"

4 - Thanks a lot for the help. I always have a problem with tenses. I'll try to take note of...

Writing FeedbackFearlessDare - Aug 2, 2009 / FearlessDare - Aug 8, 2009
Classification and Divison Essay on different "sources of energy."

6 - Natural fossil fuels, yes. Biofuels are universally considered renewable, as you point out. So, if petroleum becomes a biofuel...

Writing FeedbackReborn - Aug 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 8, 2009
Causes and Solutions for increasing traffic congestion

6 - I'm sorry, but we cannot tell you what your score might be as we are not trained IELTS scorers....

Writing Feedbackrosamond00 - Jul 30, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 7, 2009
For Eng 121 class: Use of critical thinking using Mary Postgate and Yellow Wall

5 - Also take out all of the "I assumes" and other I statements....

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - Aug 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 7, 2009
Looking for a review of My Philosophy Paper

12 - I agree with that advice in general. Good writers say what they have to say rather than telling...

Writing FeedbackAli MacLennan - Aug 2, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 7, 2009
Getting up early and starting day's work in the morning should always be preferred by people

4 - You need to attend to basics. For example, you must place a space after punctuation marks, as I have...

Writing Feedbackmansten - Aug 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 7, 2009
Originality and thinking - GRE Issue No:2.

5 - You disagree with the notion of originality? How so?...

Writing Feedbackdesigningsally - Aug 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 7, 2009
Archie isn't just a typical guy I've encountered in my life! - Unforgettable person

4 - Every one of us has met someone in our lives who may or may not have impacted our lives...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Aug 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 6, 2009
Dangerous sports and activities - for fun, money, or for nothing

11 - It's not so much that it sounds weird as that nobody knows it. This is a dictionary word that...

Writing Feedbacksugarzhi - Aug 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 6, 2009
Saving money for future is more useful than spending on travel.

2 - Is that true? How do you know? Students often start essays with an assertion that whatever they are...

Writing Feedbackgh52km42 - Aug 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 6, 2009
Essay on Urbanisation

2 - For what purpose did you write this essay? I see you've got it posted under undergraduate admissions essays, but...

Writing Feedbackkillerwind - Aug 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 5, 2009
Colleges for gain knowledge, new experience & prepare for future career - TOEFL

11 - Indeed. And, in literature as opposed to workaday prose, ornate sentences are still acceptable. (David Foster Wallace, anyone?)...

Writing Feedbackstardust - Jul 31, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 5, 2009
To be elected as the country's president gives prestige and honor.

2 - Do you know Corazon Aquino? If so, you must say how you know her. If not, then you have...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Aug 4, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 5, 2009
Cbest - Back to Basics

2 - One strength of this essay is your use of supporting evidence. However, you will need to work on your...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Aug 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 5, 2009
'Harmful effects on our environment' - Benefits and Drawbacks of Urbanisation

10 - Thank you Notoman, Sean, it definitely quenched my curiousity^^ I'll practice hard, and thanks for the website !!...

Writing FeedbackHarryK - Aug 2, 2009 / HarryK - Aug 4, 2009
Bringing emotion - television has destroyed communication among close people?

3 - Overall, quite good just little things i noticed. "According to the survey" -I think it would sound...

Writing Feedbackmomotou007 - Jul 30, 2009 / et_350 - Aug 4, 2009
"A government's role" - academic writing test IELTS to be correct

8 - You should always say what you are going to talk about in your introduction. That's what makes it...

Writing FeedbackPinklemon - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 4, 2009
"Who made history"--A difficult GRE Issue topic

9 - Private Joseph Martin kept a diary during the Revolutionary War. His detailed writings prove to be an invaluable...

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Jul 31, 2009 / Notoman - Aug 3, 2009
I closed my eyes and started the chanting!; The moment of the Lords.

11 - How does the speaker know how s/he sounded to others?...

Writing Feedbackmbjaya999 - Jul 31, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 3, 2009
Not eveything that is learned is contained in the books

20 - Very practical of you to give yourself another month. But, since your problem, in particular, has been thinking of...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 3, 2009
If people want to have a good future they should have a careful plan

2 - I understand the reason for the meditation on religion with which you preface this essay, but I feel that...

Writing Feedbacktimmytos - Aug 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 3, 2009
Essay (On) Love

7 - This is a difficult topic to deal with. Our ability to describe any emotion is very, very limited. We...

Writing FeedbackOnd - Jul 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 3, 2009
The current technological innovation (the first writting in this web)

4 - Sean's advise is very sound. Follow it. Here's my advice: Don't use a translation devise when searching for the...

Writing Feedbackmoula_moula - Aug 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 2, 2009
The benefits of technology versus the costs

11 - Thank you so much!...

Writing FeedbackJanie Tine - Jul 23, 2009 / Janie Tine - Aug 2, 2009
Vimy Ridge,Day of Deliverance,Constitution Act;3 Defining Moments- Canadian History

4 - Okay, I suppose the analogy itself isn't so bad. But mostly, the intro consists of general statements that don't...

Writing Feedbackalicia15 - Jul 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 1, 2009
Food Stands Vs Eating at Home = Convenience Vs Quality

8 - there are more and more people now choosechoosing food stands or restaurants instead of home when having a meal....

Writing Feedbackfearistheenemy - Jul 22, 2009 / ruonan59 - Aug 1, 2009
The intellectual benefits of attending a university - advice my second GRE issue

17 - Thank you, Noto. I can understand the difference between great discoveries and the greatest discoveries. Your revision of the...

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Jul 27, 2009 / mathsam - Aug 1, 2009
Ielts essay: living and studying overseas

6 - Thanks both. I will avoid using those pronouns....

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 29, 2009 / orlando - Aug 1, 2009
My best friend in elementary school; Friendship forever

4 - I think the essay can be longer....

Writing FeedbackLibra - Jul 23, 2009 / designingsally - Aug 1, 2009
Essay on A Prayer for Owen Meany

18 - This is just so wonderful. Yes, by all means, talk about this in your essay, if you have...

Writing FeedbackTottenham125 - Jul 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 1, 2009
Social Work Theory, Skills and Methods Assignment

6 - Post the essay you submitted originally, and the comments you got back on it. That way we can give...

Writing Feedbackelzbietabielec - Jun 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 30, 2009
Correct and rate my essay essay. Its on laws being rigid or flexible

5 - Laws shape the country [omit comma] and the economy ....

Writing Feedbackdesigningsally - Jul 30, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 30, 2009
How my gay father, family and community have shaped who i am today - uc prompt

6 - I have to say that I was really impressed by your story. However, I think you put in it...

Writing Feedbackx country 001 - Jul 22, 2009 / Janie Tine - Jul 29, 2009
True Friendship Essay (living without friends)

12 - I think your revised essay is quite good. However, I am really confused with this. You said,"As we grow...

Writing FeedbackAlexbig - Jun 29, 2009 / Janie Tine - Jul 29, 2009
[TOEFL] Global events

7 - "Nuclear" is an adjective. "Money crisis" ought to be "monetary crisis." Sometimes people do use a noun as...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 28, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 29, 2009
[TOEFL] Being creative rather than planning.

16 - Right: Susceptible. Look it up....

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 27, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 29, 2009
GRE essay: Sadness and happiness

8 - This sort of essay perhaps calls out for a discussion of the principle underlying the prompt. The prompt is...

Writing Feedbacksoarer - Jul 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 29, 2009
Illegal Aliens and Their Quest to Stay in the United States

3 - You also need to set up some background in your intro. So, for instance, why not just grant everyone...

Writing Feedbackswatson - Jul 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 29, 2009

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