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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 464)

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Essay on A Prayer for Owen Meany

18 - This is just so wonderful. Yes, by all means, talk about this in your essay, if you have...

Writing FeedbackTottenham125 - Jul 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 1, 2009
Social Work Theory, Skills and Methods Assignment

6 - Post the essay you submitted originally, and the comments you got back on it. That way we can give...

Writing Feedbackelzbietabielec - Jun 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 30, 2009
Correct and rate my essay essay. Its on laws being rigid or flexible

5 - Laws shape the country [omit comma] and the economy ....

Writing Feedbackdesigningsally - Jul 30, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 30, 2009
How my gay father, family and community have shaped who i am today - uc prompt

6 - I have to say that I was really impressed by your story. However, I think you put in it...

Writing Feedbackx country 001 - Jul 22, 2009 / Janie Tine - Jul 29, 2009
True Friendship Essay (living without friends)

12 - I think your revised essay is quite good. However, I am really confused with this. You said,"As we grow...

Writing FeedbackAlexbig - Jun 29, 2009 / Janie Tine - Jul 29, 2009
[TOEFL] Global events

7 - "Nuclear" is an adjective. "Money crisis" ought to be "monetary crisis." Sometimes people do use a noun as...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 28, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 29, 2009
[TOEFL] Being creative rather than planning.

16 - Right: Susceptible. Look it up....

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 27, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 29, 2009
GRE essay: Sadness and happiness

8 - This sort of essay perhaps calls out for a discussion of the principle underlying the prompt. The prompt is...

Writing Feedbacksoarer - Jul 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 29, 2009
Illegal Aliens and Their Quest to Stay in the United States

3 - You also need to set up some background in your intro. So, for instance, why not just grant everyone...

Writing Feedbackswatson - Jul 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 29, 2009
Reasons why people listen to music

7 - I would recommend you to give specific genre of music that people would listen to relieve their stress from...

Writing Feedbackfearistheenemy - Jul 23, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 28, 2009
Work alone or in groups

10 - Oh I didn't read the question thoroughly, I thought it was asking whether you agree or not, which mostly...

Writing Feedbackfearistheenemy - Jul 21, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 27, 2009
Story that affected me most - my TOEFL essay

5 - Your grammar structure and sentencing skills look really professional considering that English isn't your first language. However, for TOEFL,...

Writing Feedbackfearistheenemy - Jul 17, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 27, 2009
First Essay: How to Pick the Right Fights

4 - Your essay suffers from some ambiguity about what you mean by "fights." The title suggests that are you are...

Writing FeedbackTamzus - Jul 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 26, 2009
"working outside the academic world" - Advice for my GRE issue

2 - One of the strengths of this essay is its nuance. Your distinction between academic fields and the specific examples...

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Jul 25, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 26, 2009
The New Bus Driver

7 - You can find a fairly comprehensive list of racial epithets here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ethnic_slurs Several of the terms listed are...

Writing Feedbackkennethfatty - Jul 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 26, 2009
TOEFL---"the young people should plan or organize."

3 - Can you imagine that a house is built without a plan or a house plan only contains a rendering...

Writing Feedbackphebe - Jul 22, 2009 / tiantian12 - Jul 25, 2009
web designers use the techniques of human psychology and brain structure...

5 - thank you very much......

Writing Feedbackmbjaya999 - Jul 23, 2009 / mbjaya999 - Jul 24, 2009
Good Boss, Bad Boss: Compare/Contrast Essay

27 - Oh, yes. People think that online courses will be easier but, because so much of communication occurs through...

Writing Feedbackbreeny - Jul 11, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 24, 2009
workaholic; Spending money on taking vacation, travelling is better than saving

4 - Pay attention to the time given! Hope you will do well in the test!...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 23, 2009 / trangquynh - Jul 23, 2009
graduation grieves me

3 - I find the choppy sentences and awkward phrasings add up to a kind of poetry. But, unfortunately, prose is...

Writing FeedbackLibra - Jul 22, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 22, 2009
Least Favorite Place Essay

8 - That would be the least original way to start the essay....

Writing Feedbackshamey - Jul 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 22, 2009
Letter to a Manager; You were delivered with different items to what you ordered!

9 - you have done a great job for your first letter. It contain mistakes but thats usual at first step,...

Writing Feedbackboonwah - Jul 16, 2009 / Cosmo Resources - Jul 22, 2009
[TOEFL] Observing or studying animals teaches us a lot about human nature

4 - oh, i did not mean to offend anyone, I will be more specify next time. Because my English is...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 21, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 21, 2009
CBEST Essay - Why I enter education field?

4 - "Then came an opportunity to volunteer at a daycare program for children with autism. I grabbed both opportunities, working...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
Credit cards's advantages

8 - You forgot to leave spaces after a full stop and a comma....

Writing Feedbackonur - Jul 17, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 21, 2009
CBEST-writing: an unforgettable person; 'my grandfather always wore his black glass'

5 - "In our life, we may encounter different kinds of people and some of them have a positive or a...

Writing FeedbackEllen Wang - Jul 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 20, 2009
"Separate classrooms for male and female students" - practice ACT Essay

4 - And given how far ahead of boys girls tend to be academically, as reflected in university admission rates, many...

Writing FeedbackLukeLC23 - Jul 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 19, 2009
Advertisements affects on consumer goods - ielts preparing

15 - Thank you for your explanations! This word makes me so miserable. Like Orlando, I will be more cautious when...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 17, 2009 / trangquynh - Jul 19, 2009
The generation gap + Prevention vs Cure - help with these topics

6 - Yes Thank you all :)...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 17, 2009 / Eve - Jul 18, 2009
Similarities of Love and Jealousy in today's society - Dreaded Shakespear   2

42 - The last two are elements of style that you can fix fairly easily by good proofreading. The first one...

Writing Feedbackyonman - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
CBEST: The Age of Invention

6 - thank you! I see your points. Maybe I will add a bit more details to that example to clarify...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 14, 2009 / bubuvio - Jul 18, 2009
General Ielts: Governments should encourage employers to choose young people?

7 - In your last paragraph, i prefer "In conclusion, ..." instead of "For these reasons...". Reason is, it is more...

Writing Feedbackborzou27 - Jul 13, 2009 / boonwah - Jul 18, 2009
Narrative Essay (Warning: slightly depressing)!

11 - ^Hmm I did not spot that. Well spotted Sean!...

Writing Feedbackdancer09 - Jul 15, 2009 / Liebe - Jul 18, 2009
Mythology - Timeless Questions - Timeless Answers

3 - Sean is right. You've got some good insights but the essay as a whole is incoherent due to lack...

Writing FeedbackNouget - Jul 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 18, 2009
health and personal fitness, interview three people and back ur thesis up!

3 - Indeed. You cannot say that the amount of responsibility alone determines, or is even the main determinant, in how...

Writing Feedbackhollyn91 - Jul 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
I believe that police protection and good schools are the main factors to create an ideal community

19 - You're doing everything right. Just keep at it and you will see improvement. I am already seeing improvement in...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 12, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 16, 2009
Identify what are the most important features of an ideal community and why they are important?

10 - Noticed this in your other essay too -- be careful with your conjugation of perfect tenses: "Good school,...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Should parents be held responsible for acts of vandalism committed by their children?

17 - Hmmmm . . . well, let's take a break from focusing on content for awhile, and start worrying about...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Tools to attract people to work.

6 - thank you sean... and thank all who helped me......

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 13, 2009 / ahmad - Jul 14, 2009
[TOEFL] Big company vs Small company

6 - Proofreading carefully is the key. It's so easy to use "site" when you mean "cite" or "wright" when you...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 13, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 14, 2009
Any suggestions on this "tent" descriptive essay?

5 - Overall this is really quite interesting. Try not to get carried away, though. Sometimes, your imagery becomes a bit...

Writing Feedbackdancer09 - Jul 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
IELTS; GENDER EQUALITY @ UNI ADMISSION

4 - Feel free to post your revised version for even more feedback....

Writing Feedbackltandi - Jun 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
TOEFL : young people should have the ability to plan and organize.

6 - You forgot to capitilize first letter of the sententences and I think your overall argumetns. Also you generalized your...

Writing Feedbackviolet0222 - Jul 9, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 13, 2009
increase minimum wage

3 - Minimum wage laws are established in Canada and each province has its own minimum wage law. This...

Writing Feedbackpurplee - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 12, 2009
[TOEFL] The number of cars will increase in the future

6 - In fact, the conclusion could do with some serious cutting: Before: "In conclusion, I strongly believe that there...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 12, 2009
IELTS; SHARE WEALTH AMONG POORER NATIONS

12 - Some comments on first part There always exist both rich and poor people in one community. Some poor people...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 2, 2009 / tiantian12 - Jul 12, 2009
Too much rules are useful or not?

6 - You keep telling us what you are going to write about, instead of just writing about...

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 11, 2009
Is Obama's stimulus package working?

15 - Noto, I think you will be an excellent history teacher, if that's the field you elect to pursue. The...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 11, 2009
GMAT issue essay - censorship of television programmes

9 - Actually, if you believe that censorship of television is necessary to protect children, then that argument would presumably be...

Writing Feedbackrashminet84 - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
'minimum obligations' [TOEFL] Who enjoyed/enjoy life better? Older or Young?

6 - Your structure and content are good, here. You have the right general formula down, and use some strong concrete...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
IELTS: International Tourism - TENSION or UNDERSTANDING?

11 - And when brainstorming, write down both the pro and the con arguments that occur to you. You may find...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
CBEST: the most important trait a teacher can have is self-acceptance!

9 - Here, we have a very common logical error. The question states that self-acceptance helps teachers to relate better to...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 10, 2009
[TOEFL] Serious movies or entertaining movies? Which is better?

9 - You were taught it? I never was, in school or at university. I first learned about it through my...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Nowadays people care more about their appearance more than before. Do you agree?

11 - Certainly. I think we can agree that people responding to the prompt are free to write about whatever time...

Writing Feedbacktieuzidane - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
"The Attitude of Success!" - CBEST: successful person essay!

14 - No, no . . . the conversation was meant to highlight the weakness of your description, not as suggested...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Should university studies be subsidized?

9 - Specific details are usually a good idea. In this particular essay, though, the statistics for Sri Lanka really need...

Writing FeedbackIELTS_Student - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Ielts : working children; Good or bad?

6 - You could learn a lot by studying trangquynh's essay. He has the right formula. Three specific reasons, each treated...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
The eating habits and lifestyle of children in different countries/generations.

10 - Thank you for your comment tranqquynh. You are right that I didnt plan my essay well. I think of...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 7, 2009 / orlando - Jul 9, 2009
Corporate Case Study, XXX-Car

5 - Dear Moderators Thank you for the tips. Yes. I'd to a certain extent conduct minor research....

Writing Feedbackbretta49 - Jul 6, 2009 / bretta49 - Jul 9, 2009
1st essay in 13 years. Disadvantages that working mothers give to their children

12 - I wasn't offended by your essay. I was trying to point out that it is not a black...

Writing Feedbackdhachem - Jun 25, 2009 / Notoman - Jul 9, 2009

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