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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 465)

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Media in the Courtroom

3 - Yeah, once you have the essay down to about a third of its original length, you should have a...

Writing Feedbackdgoldsby - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 8, 2009
Ielts essay. Working women and children

8 - Thank you Simone. I just posted an essay and tried to make itsound as logical as I could :...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 8, 2009 / orlando - Jul 8, 2009
IELTS essay: Museums as a form of entertainment or education?

4 - Thanks for good ideas. I must bear those in mind!...

Writing Feedbacktrangquynh - Jul 6, 2009 / trangquynh - Jul 7, 2009
Tv's influences on culture... who can help me to correct this essay?

9 - Ahmad, I would like to see your corrections of this essay. Can you add your last draft? Thanks!...

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 4, 2009 / bubuvio - Jul 7, 2009
Prescribed drugs and its various effects on the body and mind

8 - I am not sure that the "On the one hand . . . on the other hand" structure is...

Writing Feedbackfernaj13 - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 7, 2009
Leaders in my life (16 years so far)

8 - That's good advice, Ahmad....

Writing Feedbackcbuddy - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 6, 2009
There are many places that wait their visitors; Turkish Tourism Culture

4 - At the moment, you have so few details that you could turn this into a single paragraph, and, once...

Writing Feedbackosman - Jul 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (preservation on endangered species)

7 - It's not so much that you need to justify this statement, per se. You should of course rewrite...

Writing FeedbackNEHALB - Jul 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Changed in Everyday Life Caused by New Technology

4 - Okay, I know you writing this essay to practice grammar, but still, why are you writing this essay? All...

Writing Feedbackmajed - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
"People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction."   2  3

84 - The notion of a dull terror inspiring frenzy is sort of neat, if a bit paradoxical. Or perhaps it...

Writing Feedbackshe_kitty - May 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
How can I play into the hands of my Maker - Sunday Morning   2

51 - Yes, you have great potential as a writer, and should definitely keep on recording your thoughts. Starting new reflections...

Writing FeedbackRajiv - Jun 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Single career or several careers? Both have negatives and positives

4 - You seem to be arguing that having a single career is easier than having multiple ones. However, Simone is...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
An Essay about " my ideal vacation". someone proof read it!

5 - People tend to be wordy and include useless phrases when (a) they've not thought closely enough about what...

Writing FeedbackBananaPancakes - Jul 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 4, 2009
Paper about an important movie

9 - Thanks for your encouragament !...

Writing Feedbackkim1 - Jun 30, 2009 / kim1 - Jul 1, 2009
Comparing Brutus's and Mark Antony's rhetoric in Julius Caesar

3 - I also notice that you seem to be arguing that Mark Antony has the better rhetoric because the crowd...

Writing Feedbackkleinhenz - Jun 30, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 1, 2009
"Cellular Phones" - need someone proof read my paper

9 - Simone's already told you what your thesis is -- you just need to paraphrase it so that its...

Writing FeedbackSoCkMoNkeYJaNe - Jun 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 30, 2009
No Driving Licenses for People Under 18 - Argumentation/ Persuasion Essay

4 - Haha, I would argue that kids should be allowed the right to drive as early as 15 if they...

Writing Feedbacknewuser1 - Jun 29, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 30, 2009
GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (the need for global universities.)

4 - You might also want to explain in a bit more detail what a "global university" would look like. If...

Writing FeedbackNEHALB - Jun 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 30, 2009
"Going overseas for the university" essay

7 - Why thank you. I'm afraid it doesn't bode well for the essay, though. When your reader's first thought is...

Writing Feedbackzeny - Jun 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 30, 2009
Libraries are not just a collection of books: Are public libraries important?

4 - People still do this? I thought going off-line would result in a horrible death by some form of...

Writing Feedbackiris1 - Jun 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 27, 2009
IELTS essay: Newspapers will soon become a thing of the past

7 - For this sort of essay, a completely one-sided argument is generally okay, and easier to write. In general, though,...

Writing Feedbacktrangquynh - Jun 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 26, 2009
Your decision to enter the education field - CBEST Essay pratice

10 - I'm not so sure: Mark Twain wrote several humorous essays in the first person voice of a wrong-headed narrator....

Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 25, 2009
"tip the waiter" essay - what have you learnt from a mistake?

9 - Should we tip the waiter?". "Okay.", he said. Outside the restaurant, we (me and my 4 friends) were...

Writing Feedbackchintan - Jun 21, 2009 / Liebe - Jun 25, 2009
CBEST: Technology today has been positive or negative impact?

16 - Actually, I think you have done a very good job of showing that the creation of the atomic bomb...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jun 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 24, 2009
Essay about: what would you change of your former high school?

14 - Whenever I hear the word school, I immediately visualize phrases like exams, presentations, essays, textbooks, or dictations, rather than...

Writing Feedbackivan9210 - Jun 6, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 24, 2009
Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria

22 - I like the quotation you used. Perhaps you should cite it, according to whatever format you are supposed to...

Writing FeedbackHaya - Jun 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 19, 2009
TOEFL - modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people

10 - Hmmmm . . . it seems that you are writing to a formula, in which you use the same...

Writing Feedbacklibo_for - Jun 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 19, 2009
TOEFL Writing: 2 short essays (reading versus doing things; Neighbors)

6 - I agree with Sean, I have seen in TOEFL essays this type of starting some time confuses the...

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 15, 2009 / biggestv - Jun 18, 2009
a baby doesn't know the intricacy of external world; TOEFL IBT Essay "Parents are the best teachers"

6 - Content-wise you could shore up your essay by defining what exactly you mean by "best teacher" before attempting to...

Writing FeedbackHVC - Jun 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 17, 2009
Narrative essay- important decision for CBEST Pormpt

2 - First I will talk about content and then about grammar and style. You've made a good choice concerning which...

Writing Feedbacksapst21 - Jun 16, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 17, 2009
CBEST Essay using technology prompt

8 - The handbook I am using is the one created and required by a major U.S. university. Again, Sean, your...

Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 15, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009
TOEFL Essay on why people want to study (give me any comment on my following essay)

8 - Sean, thanks for giving me further clarification. Any other comment, please let me know....

Writing Feedbacklinjuncai - Jun 14, 2009 / linjuncai - Jun 16, 2009
Cultural psychology short paper

9 - When Sean asks you to say the same thing in fewer words, he is asking you to write more...

Writing Feedbackcarlychan - Jun 13, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009
The Advantages of Capital Punishment-- very short essay --

6 - thank you.......

Writing Feedbacksilentheart - Jun 12, 2009 / silentheart - Jun 16, 2009
Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing

16 - Hey Notoman, thanks for mentioning the plagiarism detector. I knew such software existed, but I didn't know there was...

Writing Feedbackjgv115 - May 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 14, 2009
My first essay exercise - "we learn our most important lessons in school?"

7 - thanks a lot, Special thanks to Mustafa1991. I know this article is far from perfect. But there are only...

Writing FeedbackHellANgel - Jun 10, 2009 / HellANgel - Jun 13, 2009
Yet another CBEST Essay - an unforgettable person you have encountered in life

4 - This is not the essay that I wrote for the CBEST test. I have been working to improve since...

Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 12, 2009 / rolandj727 - Jun 12, 2009
CBEST personal essay - an unforgettable person you have encountered in your life

13 - Notice: Several people have now repeatedly told you to omit that first paragraph, which says nothing. That's good advice....

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 11, 2009
War -- victor or no victor?   2

45 - Yeah, I'm going to keep a low profile in classes where there aren't multiple choice tests, from now on....

Writing FeedbackMustafa1991 - May 18, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 11, 2009
TOEFL - should history be a mandatory course to university students?

5 - But how would this be of any use to international students? Bear in mind that universities often have a...

Writing Feedbackrealele - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 10, 2009
ielts essay: Should students be taught to compete or to cooperate?

5 - Don't call your mistakes "stupid." Making mistakes is how we learn. I'm glad you are feeling more confident....

Writing Feedbackwudan - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 10, 2009
Essay response to Thoreau - "Does adulthood takes away the true spirit of life?"

5 - Threre are plenty grammar errors. For example: - convey a sense of nostalgia *for* - childhood is...

Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 9, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 10, 2009
Traveling in a group led by a tour guide give us a safe, useful and exciting excursion & save time

7 - Or Tour guides possess professional knowledge of an city that allows them to avoid dangerous areas....

Writing Feedbackthinhthanh92 - Jun 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 9, 2009
IELTS essay : Nowadays majority of people are trying to live in the cities

6 - You have a decent essay structure, and while you do have some grammatical errors, they tend not to interfere...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
Making life better

5 - Yes, yes it is. :-) Feel free to post a revised draft here for more feedback....

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
A paragraph to persuade someone not to smoke

3 - You might also want to add more details to make your paragraph more persuasive. "Five million people died last...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards

7 - Actually, it is generally a good idea to avoid labeling your conclusion with one of those phrases. It should...

Writing Feedbackwing - May 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009
IELTS Writing - "clean learning environment"

3 - Be careful, too, that you don't get off topic. The prompt doesn't assert that an attractive and clean learning...

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009
descriptive essay-The heart of the Matter.

6 - In need of some revision: "An inspiring, strong, and caring person has a lot to offer, especially if...

Writing Feedbackpnkberrychmpgne - Jun 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
Help with a paragraph about marketing claims

7 - Hi all, Thanks for all the comments. Regards, Fizzi...

Writing FeedbackFizzi - Jun 4, 2009 / Fizzi - Jun 5, 2009
Test essay: Should children obey authority?

7 - Others think controlled children are not well-prepared for children's adult life into make the important decisions of their lives...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 2, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 4, 2009
Socials Essay: Robespierre and Cromwell Which is a more effective leader?

7 - Your main problem is that you are comparing these two people in terms of the effectiveness of their leadership,...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 4, 2009
"the disparity (gap) between rich and poor" - sample writing

4 - I like the way you focus on the difference in the two camps' views of wealth. The redistributionists subscribe...

Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
a pretty short story, Return of satan

5 - Some minor fixes for you: "and argued that Satan was damned forever and he would never deserve to...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check

5 - My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
itels essay: should children learn foreign language from elementary school?

7 - To sum up, though teaching the elementary school students foreign languages pose a threat to thehas risk for the...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
People should read only those books which are real events& real person

10 - It's really difficult to make a determination on that without actually seeing the essay. In general, grounding your essay...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
ielts essay: should governments pay university course fees?

3 - This is better than your other essays, as it has a clear thesis with some decent reasons to back...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
ielts essay - Useing animals for the benefit of the human beings

4 - Simone makes an excellent point -- you haven't presented any compelling arguments for your thesis. Making your case shouldn't...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
Machine Learning versus Learning by Humans   2

51 - Maya is the beguiler -- let me give her this gender as she often is represented in Indian...

Writing FeedbackRajiv - Oct 21, 2008 / Rajiv - May 31, 2009

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