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IELTS; The ability of students in the areas of literacy and numeracy have declined


kobehstan 1 / 6 1  
Mar 15, 2014   #1
Many people believe that the ability of students in the areas of literacy and numeracy have declined in recent times.
Discuss the causes of this problem and offers some possible solutions to it.


Imagine a reading and writing contest or numeracy complete without any electronic equipment between current students and the same age ones who travel through time from 15 years ago, and guess which side will win? Many presents and educators will choose students come from many years ago, even the current students are receiving much more advanced education. So the question is why the literacy and numeracy ability of students goes down in these years and how to solve this problem. In the following essay, I will give my views from individuality, education, and modern environment.

From a student viewpoint, each of them has a variety of entertainments to have fun, such as playing computer games, karaoke, watching films, enjoying many kinds of sports, going shopping and so on, so sitting before the desk to read books or practice numeracy will be a definitely dull work. No one will pay attention on the thing which shows no interest in him. Therefore, parents and educators should arouse teenagers interest in studying literacy and numeracy by some talent skills, for example, sharing feeling of reading some book, performing the dialogue in the book with their partners, and calculate some real problem in society.

In today's modern world, society is producing more and more challenge to education system. On the one hand, public education need to provide much more subjects to current student in order to fulfill the requirements of modern society, which means less time and spirit can be spent on traditional subject like literacy and numeracy. On the other hand, the teachers of previous generations were able to maintain order through the use of corporal punishment; such methods are no longer permitted. The lack of discipline will make teacher powerless to control unruly student, which somehow decreases the efficiency education. So the learning time of traditional subject should be maintained and some classroom discipline should be restored.

The modern environment also has some influence on this problem. Although the great development of modern media system has brought vast amount of information and considerable convenience to people, it leads people to cost less time to read, for example, people can doing house work while hearing the latest news instead of reading newspapers, watching movies or series adapted from the book instead of reading that book. The prevalence of intelligent electronic products also keeps people from regular circulations. Accordingly, people are supposed to not rely on modern environment too much.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that many aspects are weakening modern students' skill in literacy and numeracy. The sooner solutions are applied, the better for many aspects of students' future lives.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 16, 2014   #2
Imagine a reading and writing contest or numeracy complete without any electronic equipment between current students and the same age ones who travel through time from 15 years ago, and guess which side will win?

This is pretty too long as an opening hook. You need to open your essay with some interesting sentence that has the ability to grab the reader's attention towards your writing. Generally, the hook is a short and a catchy sentence. The above sentence is too long and therefore it is quite confusing and the reader needs to keep memorizing all the details you have mentioned there.

or numeracy complete

Do you mean "numeracy competition"?
OP kobehstan 1 / 6 1  
Mar 16, 2014   #3
Hi, Pahan, thanks a lot for your comment!
Yes, it should be "numeracy completition".
Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Mar 16, 2014   #4
(1)
" In the following essay, I will give my views from individ...."

In my opinion, the usage of "in the following essay" shows that your paragraph introduction is not united to the whole essay. I think, it is far better to use "in the following paragraph..."

(2)
"So the learning time of traditional subject should be maintained and some classroom discipline should be restored."

=> some classroom diciplines
OP kobehstan 1 / 6 1  
Mar 16, 2014   #5
Thank you Misnariah Idrus for your suggestion!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 16, 2014   #6
Yes, it should be "numeracy completition".

it should be "numeracy competition" and not "completition"

What's the purpose of this writing? IELTS or TOEFL? Better mention that in the title itself.

If this is for one of those tasks, your above intro needs improvement.
OP kobehstan 1 / 6 1  
Mar 16, 2014   #7
dumi
Hi dumi, I will mention that next time.
Thanks for your structure!
OP kobehstan 1 / 6 1  
Mar 17, 2014   #8
Dear dumi, thank you so much. It's very kind of you! I will practice my IELTS writing following this structure. Best wishes to you.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 24, 2014   #9
Faulty Parallelism:

reading some book, performing the dialogue in the book with their partners, and calculate some real problem in society.

Possible revision:
reading some books, performing the dialogue in the book with their partners, and calculating some real problems in society

and so on

In IELTS, you should avoid using 'Lazy expression.' This belongs more to spoken language.

In the following essay,

You'd better rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable . Therefore they use even the IELTS exam. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the assessors at all because it is too common for words .You may get penalized

Hope this helps :D
OP kobehstan 1 / 6 1  
Mar 25, 2014   #10
Hi eddies,
thanks for your correction and comment!
Well, I do not understand your idea about "the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable". What does "the perfect phrase" mean?

By the way, I like your username very much and I am also very familiar with this word becasue I do some research study about eddies. Nice to meet you! :D
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 25, 2014   #11
Nice to meet you too :D
Well, some say it is ready-to-use phrases to help students enrich vocabularies and develop writing skills. Therefore some phrases become "popular" to adjust in essays. However, these can be categorized as memorized languages, and overuse of connective words (see: in following essay) This is a know problem, which is easily penalized by assessors.

My suggestion: try to make your own expression, by paraphrasing the perfect phrases

Hope this helps :D
OP kobehstan 1 / 6 1  
Mar 26, 2014   #12
Thank you eddies for your helpful advice! Best wishes to you.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 26, 2014   #13
Best wishes to you.

And the same to you, kobehstan.
Let me give you a piece of advice :D
1. For the next essay, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph. Why? the first thing the examiner sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately know your writing needs more work to read.

2. Have a look at the two structures for the introduction and overall essay offered by Dumi. Also, I strongly suggest to follow those structures.
3. Before start writing, you'd better analyze the prompt in order to earn a good score for Task response, like this:
Statement: Many people believe that the ability of students in the areas of literacy and numeracy have declined in recent times.
Task: Discuss the causes of this problem and offers some possible solutions to it.
Make sure you answer the task
4. Read as many texts as you can to improve your writing skills. Reading texts not only gives you some new ideas about different topics, but it also improves your vocab and grammar.

Hope this helps :D
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 26, 2014   #14
I think Dumi, Pahan and eddies already give you immense advices

Many people believe that the ability of students in the areas of literacy and numeracy have declined in recent times.
Discuss the causes of this problem and offers some possible solutions to it.

I want to remind you to conquer time, that this part of task allow the test taker to write it down in 40 minutes.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 27, 2014   #15
Many people believe that the ability of students in the areas of literacy and numeracy have declined in recent times.
Discuss the causes of this problem and offers some possible solutions to it.

Topic: Many people believe that the ability of students in the areas of literacy and numeracy have declined in recent times.
Task: Discuss the causes of this problem and offers some possible solutions to it.

The intro you have is good, but too long. Try to make your intro short and simple. Therefore readers are easy to catch the ideas you want to deliver.

Here do I give you a try:
Every person needs to be illiterate and numerate. Some people claim there is a decline in the areas of literacy and numeracy among students. By identifying the published sources of problems, I would propose some elegant solutions to a very complex set of these.

A short note: For me, the areas of literacy and numeracy are not limited to the skills of reading and writing and the ability to use numbers. Let's see: most people nowadays use the basic skills of these to participate in many aspect of life. One example is leadership.


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