Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

If I would be able to change something, I would like to enhance security of my town.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Dec 2, 2015   #1
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer

If I would be able to change something in my town, it will be enhancing the security for the city residents so that no one can die due to poor medical services or negligence of the authority.

I open my newspaper every morning to start a fresh day but get the news of deceased persons who took their last breath waiting to get the treatment or waiting for the ambulance. I would like to teach people about first aid help and emergency preparedness so that a patient can be alive till the time they reach hospital. More the people will be aware of medical help, more they will feel responsible the next time countering a medical urgency. In addition to that, I would like to improve the condition of the hospitals for handling the emergent cases with adequate staff and resources.

Secondly, overcrowded buses have led to increase in number of accidents leading to increase in fatality rate of the school and college students from our city. This is not only due to lack of transport facilities but also because of carelessness of the bus drivers who overcrowd their buses in greed of money. I would like to organize the transport system to ensure that no young life get lost while on their way to schools. For this, it should become mandatory for schools and colleges to provide the transport for their students coming from different areas in city.

Thirdly, increasing technology has led to crowding of roads with reckless drivers and has jeopardized the lives of two wheelers and peddlers. I would work towards making people aware about traffic rules plus would put certain speed limits for vehicles on road. Furthermore, in my opinion there should also be the traffic police on highways to check the fast driving vehicles. Many animals and people lost their lives due to youth driving carelessly on roads.

In a nutshell, in my eyes safety should be the prime consideration for any city. thus, if I will get a chance to change one thing in my city, I will work for the security of residents.
akiraaa 7 / 20 2  
Dec 3, 2015   #2
hi Ssakshijain,

i advice that you can combine your second and third part into one paragraph because they have something in common. Also, personally, i don't think that people's health is equal to people's safety. It seems a little odd.

Home / Writing Feedback / If I would be able to change something, I would like to enhance security of my town.