TED Summary: The Shocking Truth about Your Health
Lissa Rankin, founder of Owning Pink; an organization which has been contributing a lot in assisting people with physical and mental illness, comes up in front of her audience with marvelous insight regarding what really matters to gain healthy body and mind.
As opening, she begins by sharing what she has been through in life. In the age of 33, she achieved all her dreams in career, even had enough retirement fund to support her living cost. In contrary with her bright job, her marriage ended miserably. This condition even got worse when his father passed away. Surprisingly, at the same time, she had servic cancer and high blood pressure with three medications, but failed to heal her. She said, at that time, she was spiritually lost.
Learning from her experiences, then Lissa researches a lot about the indicators of health and formulates a self-healing concept called The Whole Health Cairn, also well-known as Healing Bubble. This theory finally reveals the untold truth about the correlation between body and soul by providing several indicators which affect our health, such as healthy relationship, creative expression, spiritual connection, healthy financial life, healthy mental state, healthy professional life, and healthy environment, while the body becomes the centre of information by transferring symptoms. Hence, we must be able to listen to the signal of body, because it is better than any doctors.
Learning from her experiences, then Lissa researches _ unable to grasp the point and meaning.
This theory finally reveals the untold truth about the correlation between body and soul by providing ... - Break down into small sentences
She said, at that point, she was spiritually lost. - try using active voice
Corrected grammar :
As an opening, she begins by sharing ...
... she achieved all her dreams in a career, even had ...
In contrary with her brilliant job, her marriage ended miserably.
... blood pressure with three medications, but failed to heal her. She said, at that point , she was spiritually lost.
Lissa Rankin, founder of (...) and mental illness, comes up [past simple is suggested since this event had fully ended] in front of her (...) insight regarding to what really matters to ...
As an opening, she begins by sharing what she ...
In the age of 33, she has achieved [present perfect since it may still affect her life til now] all her dreams in career, even hadhas enough retirement fund ...
In contrary with her brightgreat/rewarding/decent/ good. etc job, her marriage ended miserably.
Surprisinglyin addition , at the same time, (...) and high blood pressure withwhich need three medications, but ...
... then Lissa researcheshas researched a lot about the indicators of health and formulateshas formulated a self-healing concept ...
read through your writing, i can conclude that you have a capability on composing sentences well. it is also good that you use a variety of simple and complex structures. However, you still need to concern about the appropriate tenses to use in regard with the meaning and time of the event. some mirrors error like using of pronunciation and adequate collocation of words. keep writing
