Being abroad people become most concerned to all life problems

WRITING TASK I (INTEGRATION PROBLEMS FOR PEOPLE LIVING ABROAD)

The bar chart provides information of the difficulties people face when stay in abroad based on ages. Overall, the highest problems of the people includes economic plans, healthcare and education plans for child have been occurred on the young adults periods. Whereas the most problem such as education plans have been the least problem to people in 55 years old and above.

The other side, the problems of financial and healthcare necessity have been the higher priority than education plans for the young adults periods between 18 and 34 years old. However, according to development ages, the people becomes most concerned to all of the problem life includes the priorities of economical plans, healthier life concern and education planning for children. Based on the data, the healthcare concern has been upward trends in over people life time since young adults until elderly periods by 25 percent. At least, these problems could been increased for healthcare priority and had been decreased for finance concern and also education plans for child in the 55 years old or above.

(162 words)

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Hi Sari,
Welcome to EF Team! :)

I would like to share my insights towards your report summary of IELTS writing task 1. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- The bar chart provides the information ofabout the difficulties people face when stay inliving abroad based on ages.certain age groups.
- Overall, it can be seen that the highest problemsproblemof thethat people encounter includes economic plans , healthcare and education plans for childrenhave beenis occurred on the young adults periods.age group.

- WhereasMeanwhile, the most crucial problem such as education plans have beenis the least problem to people inaged 55 years old and above.

By correcting your 1st paragraph, I think that it has already covered the whole feedback because your mistakes are quite similar. Try to proofread the rest of your essay and consider the above-mentioned feedback that I have given to you. I hope this would be helpful for your future practices :)

...information of REGARDING the d... when stayING in abroad based...
...the people includes economic plans, ...
...educationAL plans for child CHILDREN have been occurred on OCCURRING AMONG the young adults periods . Whereas the most THE BIGGEST problem such as INVOLVING education plans have been ARE the...

...to people in 55 years...

The other side, ON THE OTHER HAND,
... financial and healthcare necessity NECESSITIES have been the A higher ...
... educationAL plans for the young adults periods between ...
...ages, the people becomes ARE most concerned to all of the problem life OF PROBLEMS THAT includes the priorities of economical ...
life concernS and education ...
Based on the data, the healthcare concern has been HAD AN upward trends in over people life time
since AMONG young adults until AND THE elderly periods by 25 ...
... At least AND LAST, these problems could been increasedfor healthcare...
... priority and had been decreased for HAS BEEN DECREASING DUE TO finance FINANCIAL concern...
... also educationAL plans for childREN in the AMONG THOSE 55 years old or above.

hi.

from my point of view, you wrote such a good introduction, but i would like to give you few suggestion here:

... to people in 55 years old and above.
=> problems of living in the foreign countries are prone to increase from people aged 18-34 years old to those in 35-54 category, but it decreases in over 55 years age group.

it would be better if you have write in 4 paragraph with this following structure:
1. introduction = paraphrasing question statement
2. overview = including 2 main features
3. body 1 = explanation and details from the first main feature
4. body 2 = explanation and details from the second main feature

Hello Sarlinda!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

1. Superlative word
Overall, the highest problems the highest problem/the biggest problem of the people ...

2. Proper word
...education plans for child childreen have been occurred -> faced on the young adults periods..

3. Subject verb agreement
the people becomes most concerned to all of ...

4. Be careful to use an article
Based on the data, the healthcare concern has been showed upward trends in over people life ...
upward trends -> be careful to use upward trend since it didn't show time development.

I hope it can help you.
Keep practice to make it perfect :)